I hate the Super Bowl

This blog is called “Curmudgeon-In-Training”, but I rarely post anything at all curmudgeonish. Well, read on, ‘cause that’s about to change.

While attempting to drum up some interest in yesterday’s “big game” (Who am I kidding? I was trying drum up some paying of attention. “Interest” was out of the question from word go.), it occurred to me that I hate the Super Bowl.

Not “dislike”, nor “feel strongly negative about”, or any other less-harsh descriptor. Hate. I hate it. As in, I have “a feeling of dislike so strong that it demands action”, which is, in my case, writing this post.

To illustrate my point, here’s a brief lists of the positives and negatives of this event, strictly from my selfish and unappreciative point-of-view:

Positives:
1. World (although I question this – where are the Canadians?) championship of American football.
2 The game that everyone plays the entire season to reach. The goal.
3. Um, that’s it. I got nothing.

Negatives

1. So effing over-blown it makes me want to puke. Nothing on Earth, except maybe (maybe!) the arrival of the Messiah, needs a 5-hour pre-game show. There is no way the game could ever live up to the pre-sell. Even if you used Bill and Ted’s phone booth to assemble every great football player who ever lived, in his prime, and put them on the field in a true “All-Star” game, it wouldn’t live up to the hype that is the modern Super Bowl. Hell, the Civil War and WWI didn’t live up this much hype. I think the Revolution and WWII did, though. My opinion.

2. Over-commercialized to the point of being a parody of itself. I found myself reaching for the off switch right about the time Marv Albert told me that an official review of a play (Hasselbeck’s non-fumble in the 4th) was the “Barbisol Close Shave Play of the Game”. This after HOURS of assault on my resolve not to buy the ridiculous nonsense being hurled at me non-stop during the TV and radio broadcast.

3. Inanity heaped upon inanity. The halftime recap from Berman, Jackson, Irvin, and Young was the least-insightful talk about a football game I have ever heard from so-called sports broadcasting professionals. While I can no longer stomach Berman (hey, that’s pretty funny), and I think Steve Young is as bad on TV as he was good on the field, I do have high opinions of Tom Jackson and Mike Irvin as broadcasters (certainly not for Irvin as a human). I think they know what they’re talking about most of the time. You’d never know it from their comments yesterday. The reason (my opinion): They had about 10 seconds each, and they were under instructions from ABC to dumb it down for the 150 million viewers who never watch football on TV. Plus they had to shout. And it went that way all week. Men and women who know what they’re talking about and who have something to say were reduced to speaking in 15-second sound bites that conveyed no information worth knowing. What a time-waste.

4. Input on a football game from people who know nothing about football. While the true experts were being muzzled, we spent hours upon hours witnessing the equivalent of the painful “man-on-the-street” interview. It seems like the less a person knew about the match-up or the game of football itself, the more opportunities they had to speak into a microphone. Don’t let Michael Irvin tell what he knows to be true from personal experience in big games and his relationships with the players who are going to be on the field. But let’s let Ed from Watauga (who’s only at the Super Bowl because he threw a football through the Dunlop Super Tire while riding a flaming tricycle in the big contest at NTB back in August) to spout off for a minute and a half on how Troy Polamalu’s speed allows the Pittsburgh defense to disguise both blitzes and coverages. Hey Ed, while you’re up there, what do you forsee in Israel now that Hamas has won the elections and Ariel Sharon is getting his falafel through a tube?

5. Sponsors, spokespeople, and general hangers-on are self-congratulatory to a stomach-emptying extreme. Highly paid senior executives of enormous corporations are the only ones able to buy their way into this party, then they spend the entire week congratulating each other and themselves for being able to be there. By virtue of the fact that they can buy their way in, they get the privilege of spouting off their uninformed opinions and unfunny schtick to an audience which is encouraged to think of these wankers as knowledgeable and interesting because they are in a position to buy their way into the party in the first place! Who are these people and why should I listen to them about ANYTHING?

6. The stench of greed (or, at the very least, the appearance of greed) rubs off on everyone associated with the thing. Remember when the Rolling Stones were young, angry, and anti-Establishment? Neither do I. Those days are so far behind Mick and the boys that it’s hard to believe they were once viewed as “dangerous”. Why were they there last night? To reach a bigger audience? For the exposure? Hell no. They got money-whipped. And just think for a second about how much money it takes to money-whip the Rolling Stones. Then multiply that by the number of people, organizations, groups, etc who sell their name, talent, message, etc to “the cause” (ABC, the NFL, and whoever else made money on that freak show). What’s the word I’m looking for here? Oh, yeah. Prostitution.

Yes, I know that this is the ultimate expression of “free enterprise”, and, given that, you would expect me to be a supporter of it. Let there be no mistake, I am a fan of free enterprise and heartily oppose most, if not all, attempts to curb it. But the Super Bowl represents the extreme end of free enterprise. And like extremism of all stripes (religious, political, musical, etc), extreme free enterprise is, to me, something that is very difficult to like or support.

So, what’s to be done? Am I calling for a boycott of the NFL? No. A consumer strike against Super Bowl advertising? Absolutely not. Storming ABC headquarters like it was the Bastille, and beheading Chris Berman? Well, maybe the last part.

No, there’s no call to action here. I don’t expect anyone to take action on my opinion on a subject that, in truth, means so little in the scheme of things. I don’t even expect you to agree with me. The Super Bowl is the annually the highest rated telecast on TV (by a WIDE margin, too) for a reason. Most of you out there seem to like it just fine as is.

All I wanted to do in this post was vent a bit (mission accomplished), and give the NFL and the networks notice that they are losing me. I know they don’t care, why would they? But, maybe, I’m not the only one…

Cartoons from the Arab World

Just in case you were wondering what "acceptable" political cartoons look like in Arab media, here are a bunch of 'em from various sources.

The examples on the page linked above are apparently very typical. All of them are offensive as hell, to Jews and Americans. And no one burns any buildings or shoots anyone when they are printed.

Hmmmmm.

Headlines that say it all

"Iran new focus of caricature protests" and "Cartoon fury".

I repeat, what is wrong with these people?

Borat hits the big screen

I didn't even know this was in the works, but, according to Moriarty from Ain't It Cool News, Sacha Baron Cohen has brought Borat to the big screen. And, according to the review posted on AICN, it's a scream.

I can't wait!

Hamas is elected, students of history know what to expect now

I have avoided posting anything on events in the recent Palestinian elections for a simple reason: I just didn't have the words to adequately describe my dismay at the results and my fears for what the future will hold.

Richard Cohen's column in today's Dallas Morning News (and the WaPo, and probably all over the place) sums up my feelings pretty well. Hamas, he reminds us, has clearly and distinctly called for the destruction of Israel. So, now that they are going to be governing the Palestinian territories, we're supposed to forget about that?

Cohen goes on to draw parallels between the Weimar government of Germany in the late 1920's and early 1930's and the Fatah-led Palestinian Authority. In both cases, corruption and lawlessness were rampant, and civil society was breaking down. In this environment, in both cases, a radical, ultra-conservative party, who had previously and publicly stated some rather extreme goals (anyone out there read Mein Kampf?), came along, promised to pick up the trash or make the trains run on time, and won stunning victories at the polls.

Cohen takes pains not to directly compare Hamas to the Nazis, but that's because he has to. He's a national columnist who would prefer not to risk offending the sensitive in the Palestinian or larger Muslim community.

I, however, am a nobody blogger from Middle America, and am under no such restrictions, so I'll go ahead and say it: I am scared to death at what this portends for Israel and the Middle East. Jews in the Middle East today are in a MUCH better position to protect themselves than they were in Weimar Germany, but that doesn't change the fact that this is as scary a situation as has existed since the Yom Kippur War in 1974.

We have no choice but to let this play out. However, Hamas does NOT deserve the benefit of the doubt. They have to take some positive actions before I'm going to give them any rope at all. I know the Israelis are thinking the same way. I sincerely hope the Bush administration is as well. And, as for the Palestinian apologists in Europe and elsewhere: You can stick your heads in the sand all you want, but, to me, this is exactly the reason we study history.

A&M pays players? SHOCKING!!

I am shocked, shocked, to hear that Texas A&M might be paying it's football players. Good heavens. Who woulda thunk it?

Does anyone out there really believe major college football programs aren't paying their players? Every single one of them, no exception, is "cheating" in some way or another. Every single one of them could be on probation tomorrow if the NCAA wanted to dig just a little bit.

Terrence McCoy from Midland Lee was just callin' 'em like he sees 'em. I'm sure there are plenty of people around College Station suffering from severe pucker-factor until this one blows by.

Muslim outrage over cartoons grows more strident

Michelle Malkin has a thorough round-up of coverage of this truly ridiculous story.

Will someone please explain to me why this is the biggest and most critical issue in the Muslim world? Why are Muslims not protesting equally vociferously about their fascist governments, grinding poverty, crap education systems, or increasingly poor image in the rest of the world?

I am completely baffled by this.

UPDATE: These pictures speak for themselves. What is wrong with these people?

Genius office practical joke

Here's a great one from Geeding over at Bag of Nothing. So simple, yet so effective. Why don't I think of gags this great?

Sports sanity check

We've become quite tech-heavy lately here at CIT. I don't apologize for it, as tech and work stuff has been top-of-mind a lot recently. However, there is much going on in the world of ssssppppoooorrrrrtttttzzzz, and I wouldn't want to get too far away from it without commenting a bit.

In classic CIT fashion, let's scatter-shoot a bit (while wondering what ever happened to Gabe Kaplan after Kotter got cancelled), shall we?

Your Dallas Stars

Streaking up the Western Conference standings, Tippett and Co. are as hot as any team in the league. Jussi Jokinen is well on his way to being a major star, just on his shootout ability. Quietly, this team is accomplishing some things. It's hard to get really worked up about the regular season in the NHL, but the Stars are worth watching right now.

The little Mavericks

Speaking of red-hot, the Mavericks 10-game winning streak has them tied with the champs at the top of the Western Conference, and not far behind Detroit for tops in the league. The Mavs have options all over the court, real depth, and the desire to play a bit of defense. I wonder about their killer instinct, however. The NBA is the last league to permit dynasties, and teams stay together long enough to develop real personalities. Detroit and San Antonio are clearly the class of their respective conferences. I don't think the Mavs are tough enough to beat Duncan and Co. I question Dirk's grit. This year is as good a time as any to prove me wrong.

Seattle vs. Pittsburgh - The Nation Snores

I've tried hard to work up some interest in Super Bowl XL, but have yet to succeed. There are absolutely zero compelling story lines here for me.

Jerome Bettis goes home - big deal. What's so great about Jerome Bettis? Longevity? He's an OK running back, but nothing spectacular. Cowher? He would have been fired after losing to the Cowboys in the '96 Super Bowl in any other town in the NFL. Even the Sgt Slaughter jokes have worn thin with me.

On the other side of the ball, I'm a little more interested in Seattle, but not much. Holmgren looks more and more like Doc from Snow White every year. Hasselbeck could be John Malkovich's little brother. And I have a suspicion that Shaun Alexander is gay (not that there's anything wrong about that).

To me, there's a bit of interest in the battle of the Samoans (or whatever they are): Polamalu and Tatupu. I'm leaning Lofa's way for two reasons: His dad was one of my favorites on the mid-80s Pats teams of my college days, and I like guys named after bath products (bada-BING). Seriously, why don't opponents yank the sh*t out of Troy Polamalu's hair on every down? I would.

There's the usual interest in the commercials, although I've already tried the Gillette Fusion, so that mystery is over. Maybe Jessica Alba will show up in one or two - probably not, but it's something to hope for.

Even the Stones hold little interest for me. OK, they were great. Top 5 All Time, no argument at all. But they're ANCIENT. Enough already. I hope to God that U2 has more class than to flog their act until they're 60.

The one and only truly motivating factor that is compelling me to watch is ABC's HD setup. It will be bigger and better than anything ever televised. And I am SO happy w/ my HD set that I'll tune in for 5 hours of inanity just to see it crystal-clear perfection.

Blackberry patent brouhaha - Wired's take

I have been a loyal subscriber and big fan of Wired magazine and it's various Web publications for more than 10 years. I find myself agreeing with the editors and writers of Wired more often than not, and almost always find merit in their arguments. In other words, I think they're a bunch of smart people.

Robert Strohmeyer, the editor of Wired's Gear Factor blog, has posted a strongly-worded opinion piece regarding the RIM vs. NTP wireless-email-patent-encroachment imbroglio. The bottom line: Strohmeyer believes that, even though NTP has some legitimacy to it's claim, RIM should win the case. His reasoning: NTP's patents are vaguely worded descriptions of obvious services, and RIM has spent a ton of time and dough making the concept into an essential reality.

My wife holds one patent and is applying for a second, so I am extremely sensitive to the rights of patent holders. The entire idea of patent law is to protect the inventor from larger, less-scrupulous entities who would exploit the little guy's genius.

With that said, I come down on Strohmeyer's side on this one. RIM has taken a concept (wireless email) from being a really good, but unexecuted, idea and has, through the application of a lot of money, time, and effort, turned it into a critical component of modern business communication. The working end result, the Blackberry wireless communicator, represents the creative efforts of thousands of people and millions of dollars, all of which were employed well after Tom Campana (the principal of NTP) patented his vague thoughts regarding mobile text messaging.

This is, however, dangerous ground. A victory either way has serious repercussions. If RIM prevails, even though they probably should in this case, patent holders will have to reassess the value of their patents. If NTP prevails, then almost all electronics manufacturers, along with companies in many other fields, will have to pursue patent investigations with far more fervor, not to mention expense - and you know who's going to foot the bill for that, don't you? Why, you are. Thanks so much.

The whole episode has been a thought-provoker with no obvious "right" answer. I think Strohmeyer and Wired make a good case for what they think the right answer is, but there's plenty of room for argument.

Read the whole thing!

Oh, CRAP!!

Prepare yourselves, frequent air travelers, for the specter of "More Important Than You Guy" yapping away on his cell phone in the seat next to you on your next red eye flight.

Is NOTHING sacred?

I'm going to start a petition to allow electric cattle prods on commercial flights, so I can deliver a nice, friendly 20,000 volts to the first a-hole I hear utter the phrase, "Talkin' to you from 30,000 feet, buddy."

Microsoft Project Conference 2006 impressions

It's been two weeks since the Microsoft Project Conference was held in Seattle, so it's WAY past time for me to post some of my impressions from the event. Without further ado:

The conference was an excellent event in just about every way that matters. I liked the content, the execution, the venue, the attendees, the food, even the weather and the chairs. I have no major complaints of any sort, and only a few little quibbles to honk about.

Some specifics:

First and foremost, Microsoft Office Project 12 looks like an enormous improvement in just about every major area of the product. The desktop client is still with us, and some usability improvements (multi-level undo and highlighted schedule changes being the biggest) make this the easiest-to-use version of the venerable MS Project product ever. The communication between Project Pro and Project Server looks to be much better thought-out and more efficient, although I really want to see it working - I have concerns about keeping info synchronized between the desktop and the server. PWA does a heck of a lot more than it used to, is much cleaner, and is easier to modify - all thanks to it's newfound status as a legit SharePoint app. Better reporting, more configuration changes, and more-solidified time reporting make the product finally (I think) ready for prime time.

EVERYONE in the tiny, incestuous world of EPM was there. I ran across folks I've worked with, customers, contacts from Microsoft, bloggers, MVPs, contractors, VARs, partners, competitors, and others from all over the EPM ecosystem. It was tremendous to connect/reconnect with so many people in the field.

Microsoft usually puts on a good show, and this was one of the best that I've seen. The Westin in Seattle is a first-rate hotel, rooms were scheduled correctly, signage was omni-present and helpful, the Westin staff was omni-present and helpful, the food was plentiful and, for the most part, very good (although I wound up having a salami sandwich for breakfast one morning - what's up w/ that?).

Speakers and sessions were uniformly good and appropriate. I have to complain a bit about how jammed the schedule was. I counted at least 5 breakout-slots where I wanted to be in at least two different sessions, and in some cases three or more. There was EASILY enough content to justify a four-day conference. We'll get all of the material on a DVD in the next few weeks, but my experience w/ conference DVDs is they are usually good cures for insomnia. We were all there, and I think a lot of participants would echo my thoughts on extending the duration of the conference so we could get to more of the content.

INS was well represented both in attendees and visibility. We had an appropriate number of people at the conference, although more would have been OK too. We were a Gold Sponsor of the event, so INS signs were everywhere. Sandy Sharma (my hero) did a couple of breakout sessions and did a masterful demo on-stage w/ Steve Ballmer during the keynote on Thursday. Even your goofy correspondent got into the action, presenting w/ my pals at Project Hosts during one of the breakfast sessions.

To sum it all up, the Project Conference was a great experience, in large part because the news from Microsoft is all good with regard to the product, and in smaller part due to the planning and execution of the event itself, and the response from the EPM community in terms of attendance and participation.

You can read more about the conference from Dieter, Dr. Porkchop, MPA, Jack Dahlgren, Brian Kennemer, and probably a bunch of other places I don't even know about.

Oracle: More mess for your money

Niel Robertson, the Chief Technology Officer for a PeopleSoft support outfit called Newmerix, has written a blog post covering Oracle's recent "Halfway to Fusion" event.

Oracle, in case you didn't know, has recently purchased PeopleSoft, JD Edwards, and Siebel in an effort to become all things to all people and to compete effectively in the ERP market with the big boys at SAP. "Fusion" is Oracle-speak for the combined platform they hope to weave out of the hodgepodge of home-grown and acquired toolsets, applications, and suites. Oracle claims to be "Halfway to Fusion", but the smart money is they are nowhere near the midpoint of the journey.

Robertson's post is a tongue-in-cheek (but, I think, fair and accurate) assessment of the true meaning behind things said and unsaid by Oracle execs at the event. Most of it is not terribly good news for the current Oracle, PS, JDE, and/or Siebel user base.

If your company uses (or is considering using) any of Oracle's products, you MUST read this post.

If you're in technology sales and compete against Oracle, this is also required reading, as your job just got a lot easier.

And, if you're like me and simply wish failure on Larry Ellison at every opportunity, it is a worthwhile read as well. Lots of fodder for your next speech.

SuperBowl XL mega-HD setup

This weekend's SuperBowl will be the biggest HD event yet, with ABC deploying HD cameras all over the place. This is great, but I can't wait for the day when this isn't news at all, because EVERYTHING is in HD.

Gillette Fusion Power verdict: Not bad, too pricey

As usual, I did the family grocery shopping yesterday. While I was looking for shampoo for the wife, I saw the new Gillette Fusion Power razor handle and blades on display, along with the "Shopping Card Saving" tag. The new package is an eye-catcher for sure, full of Microsoft Office Orange and shiny, curvy plastic, so I took a closer look. Turns out our friendly neighborhood grocery store had these babies for $5 off for both the handle and the blades. Even with $10 knocked off the price, I still couldn't believe how expensive these things are. But, I'm a sucker for the latest thing, so I picked them up.

So, first shave with the new 5-blade (6 if you include the trimmer blade on the top) wonder is behind me and the verdict is: Not bad at all.

Some impressions: The Power version vibrates like crazy. It seems kind of strange to be manually shaving with a power razor, but I suppose I'll get used to that. The lubricating strip on this thing is MUCH better than the strip on the Mach 3 or Sensor. The shave is very comfortable, there's no razor burn at all, and it is easily the closest shave I've ever gotten. I'm writing this at 5:20 p.m. and I've got some stubble, but it's noticeably less than usual.

I'm still choking on the price of blades, but, if I can find coupons, I may go with it long term. I would not pay full price for either the handle or the blades, but at a discount, I recommend it.

Enron trial - watch out, David Blaine

The trial of Ken Lay and Jeff Skilling, the two head weasels in the Enron weasel-pit, begins today in Houston.

The pre-trial coverage seems to indicate that the defense will consist primarily of this amazing hypothesis: Enron was a healthy company right up until it's overnight collapse, and neither Lay nor Skilling did anything wrong.

Rrrriiiiiight.

The defense will argue that a combination of CFO Andrew Fastow's criminal activity (which he did only for his own misbegotten benefit, not the company's, you understand), over-zealous prosecutors, and media hysteria have brainwashed the public into believing nefarious deeds were perpetrated by anyone else within Enron. You've been duped, people!

This is pretty ballsy stuff. I give them an A+ for chutzpah.

I am pretty sure that the media is not very fair or even accurate in many cases, and the complexity of this case probably means that most of the reporters who cover it don't understand it (I know I sure don't, even though I am no reporter). As for the average American, I have no illusions that there's any real comprehension of what went on at Enron out there. Most people wouldn't know off-balance-sheet financing from shinola. The possibility of being duped is certainly there.

However, with all that disclaimer on the table, there's WAY too much smoke here for there to be no fire.

This whole thing makes me want to puke. The image that comes to mind is a bunch of rodents fighting inside a barrel of snot. I hope both Lay and Skilling wind up in the slam for decades. And no country club, either. Hard time with the skin-heads, Crips, and Mexican Mafia.

As little Susie Derkins once said in an immortal Calvin and Hobbes comic strip, "While I'm wishing, I want a pony."

I will be keeping an eye on this one. The lawyer slickness co-efficient looks to be very high, the fake-sincerity factor should be off the scale, and the condescension-to-fact ratio will be absolutely extraordinary. This has all the makings of classic, early-21st-century entertainment to me.

Required reading before posting anything on the Internet

James Lileks has posted a set of tongue-in-cheek "rules for making a fool of yourself on the Internet" which should be read by anyone contemplating posting anything anywhere.

I especially like the first one. I haven't heard Mrs. Clinton referred to as "Hitlery", but it is a giggle nonetheless.

Top 5 sports moments – personally witnessed (live or on TV)

This installment of “Top 5” focuses on the sporting events that I have personally witnessed, either live or on TV. Not all are good memories, but they're all stories I tell from time to time.

I know, I cheated and got six onto the list. But they’re all great.

They are:

5. Red Sox vs. Mets, Game 6, 1986 World Series
This was the “Bill Buckner Game”. I was living in Boston, a well-hit 3-wood away from Fenway Park, and was a real band-wagon Red Sox fan. Regardless, I have never seen a collapse like the one we witnessed that night. After that, the Curse of the Bambino was very real for me.

4. Doug Flutie to Gerard Phelan, BC vs. Miami, Thanksgiving weekend 1984
Flutie-mania had gripped Boston for a while before this one, but I don’t know if he was much of a story around the nation. This was a GREAT game prior to the miracle, last-minute heave, but that play will be the one that everyone remembers. I was visiting a friend in Detroit and watching it on TV, and only caught that play out of the corner of my eye.

3. (tie) Troy Aikman to Alvin Harper on a slant, Cowboys vs. 49ers, NFC Championship 1993
The moment that signaled the changing of the guard at the top of the NFC. SF had ruled the late 80s, Dallas was coming on strong. This perfect throw and outstanding run-after-the-catch put the game away for the Cowboys, and turned the 90s into the Cowboys’ decade.

3. (tie) Vince Young turns in the greatest individual performance ever, Texas vs. USC, College Football National Championship 2006
I will be telling my grandkids about this one. Vince Young absolutely ruled the world that night, and the ‘Horns won their first National Championship in 30+ years. The single greatest college football game in history, bar none.

2. The Miracle on Ice, USA vs USSR, Hockey Tournament in the Winter Olympics 1980
It’s hokey, but it’s true – this moment transcended sports like nothing I have ever seen. Whether you knew anything about hockey or not, it didn’t matter. This was “us vs. them” in every sense of the phrase, and it signaled the end of a really crappy decade for the US. Reagan was elected later that year, but this is where the turnaround started. The most exciting live event I have ever seen on TV.

1. Cleon Daskalakis withstands 2 minutes of 5-on-3 hockey to win the Beanpot, 1985
I know. You’re going “huh?” Let me explain: The Beanpot is the college hockey tournament held in Boston every year, pitting Boston University, Boston College, Northeastern, and Harvard against each other in the Fleet Center (it used to be in the old Garden). It’s a nothing outside of Boston, but it’s HUGE there. I was a student at BU, and we had very little to cheer for. Our football program was middle- to bottom-tier 1-AA, and was dropped a few years after I left. Our basketball team was nothing in those days. All we had was hockey. And the Beanpot was the highlight of the season. Our boys were playing our arch-rivals from BC, and the game was a nail-biter. BU had, as best as I can recall, a one goal lead late in the third period when we were saddled with two penalties. Cleon had been the star of the team for the past few years, and this was his senior season. He was a solid wall in goal, stoning close-in shot after close-in shot for the duration of that ridiculous 5-on-3. The BU crowd in the old Boston Garden was going absolutely nuts throughout. It was at that moment that I really envied the kids at Notre Dame or Duke or any other school that had a traditionally great program of one sort or another. It was BU’s shining sports moment in my four years there. I walked out of that game, which we did win, absolutely wrung out. I have never yelled louder, jumped up and down more, or poured more emotion into a sporting event before or since. And it was the greatest sports moment of my life.

Feel free to add your favorites, or to argue any of mine, in comments.

YES! I knew it!

This substantiates a theory I have long believed in. Ladies and gentlemen, you now have documented proof.

ChoicePoint penalty - not enough, but at least it's something

ChoicePoint has finally been punished for last years' sale of over 150,000 consumer records to an organized crime ring. The total penalty consists of a $10 million fine and an order to set up a $5 million fund to help victims of identity fraud.

ChoicePoint probably has this much money sitting in the soft-drink machines around corporate headquarters, so this isn't exactly a crippling blow. I'm disappointed, but not as much as I expected to be. In truth, I expected el zippo in terms of punishment.

This ain't enough, but it's a start.

And the real lesson is: It's up to each of us to protect our own identity. The big boys don't care about you.

Black hole puts dent in space-time, and gives me a serious headache

Articles like this, which appears in the most mainstream of mainstream-media (in this case, MSNBC), make me feel like a preschooler with a brain deformity. I know there's a concept being explained here, but for the life of me, I don't understand it.

I wish I did, because putting a dent in space-time sounds pretty cool.

Jobs vs. Gates: Life is not fair

Leander Kahney recently wrote a Wired News column comparing the myth vs. the reality when it comes to the two alpha-geeks in modern America - Steve Jobs and Bill Gates.

His conclusion: Gates gets the bad rap, but Jobs is really the one who deserves it.

I'm a fan of both, but I always like to see the the other side of any story. I think there's a lot to this one.

Read the whole thing!

Where are they now - #2,137

Former teen idol (and a favorite of someone I know very well) Leif Garrett was recently arrested in LA for riding the subway without a ticket and possession of narcotics.

What a tragedy.

No progress on Burma human rights

In news that comes as a shock to exactly no one who follows events in Burma, US-based Human Rights Watch has issued a report indicating that Burma's ruling military junta has made no progress towards democracy, despite the government's elaborate promises to reform.

The report also chastises most of the rest of Southeast Asia for the deterioration of human rights throughout the region. Again, this flies in the face of ASEAN's pledges to promote democracy.

The report saves it's most scathing remarks for Burma, which is, by far, the most egregious abuser of its population. With over 1,100 political prisoners, including Nobel Laureate Aung San Suu Kyi, currently being detained, continuing crackdown on opposition figures of any stature, and smothering of protest, the Burmese government continues to serve as an example of how to impoverish a resource-wealthy and fertile country.

This report won't cause change any more than the umpteen reports that have proceeded it, but it's better than complete silence on the subject.

If you're looking to get involved in the effort to do something about the abysmal conditions in Burma, check out the Free Burma Coalition home page.

Another scary public bathroom

Once again, I've shamelessly stolen from Brad Feld, who seems to have an unusual penchant for public restrooms.

I'm as self-confident as the next guy, but I think I'll pass on using this one. Surely there's a Shell station or something around the corner, right?

Sean Payton is now an NFL head coach

Sean Payton, the Cowboy's offensive coordinator for the past few years, has taken the head coaching position in New Orleans.

As far as I know, Payton has never been punched out by Parcells on the sideline, but I guess Sean decided not to press his luck. I know these guys all aspire to be head coaches, and once you make it into the rotation, you're sure to be hired if you get fired, but I can't believe the head coach in New Orleans is a much-sought-after position. The Saints have a history of losing rivaled only by the Cardinals, and who the hell wants to live in New Orleans?

Regardless, I wish him success (such as it can be in that toilet) and good luck. Now, the Cowboys will launch a search for a new offensive coach. For my money, they could hire Shakes the Clown or a blow-up doll, since Parcells has been calling the plays himself for the past three years, regardless of what he says publicly.

Cheap ads for Google Maps

Target is painting their logo on their store roofs, evidently with the intent of having them show up on Google Maps.

I'm surprised this hasn't happened sooner.

More DIY voodoo

Similar to some strange kitchen gadgets we've featured on CIT before, here's another example of the macabre for your home - the human head knife block.

Charming.

Gay-Rod decides he's an American after all

In news hoped for by dozens (maybe), Alex Rodriguez has decided to play for the US in the World Baseball Classic.

I know I'll sleep better knowing that Gay-Rod will be dressed in the red, white, and blue, ready to choke for the good old US of A.

Arizona is dry as a bone (duh)

Since I've been traded to Phoenix again, for the 2nd time in 6 or 7 months, this one caught my eye: Arizona is experiencing it's driest winter in centuries. Not years or decades, but centuries.

I'm on the north side of town this time, up around Deer Valley, and you'd never know there was any sort of a crisis underway, as dirt is flying almost as fast as it is back in my beloved Frisco, TX.

The Phoenix metropolitan area is huge and growing fast. Under the best of circumstances, it's in the middle of the friggin desert, which I've always wondered about. I hope they know what they're doing, because a real water crisis could be very bad news indeed.

Top 5 channel surfing stop-down movies (all time)

The next installment of the Top 5 series: Here are the top movies that cause me to stop channel surfing and put down the remote whenever/wherever I run across them.

5. The Searchers - The best of the John Wayne/John Ford Westerns, and the one with the heaviest message. This is Wayne at his best and orneriest.

4. Fast Times at Ridgemont High - The classic high school comedy. Cameron Crowe's screenplay nails the American high school experience, and Amy Heckerling (who also directed the near-genius Johnny Dangerously - bet you didn't know that) directs with flair. Sean Penn did this right after Taps, and his 180-degree turnaround in character types made me sit up and notice him. Plus, there's Jennifer Jason Leigh and Phoebe Cates showing some skin. What more do you want?

3. Monty Python and the Holy Grail - My vote for funniest movie ever made (apologies to Blazing Saddles and Team America, which finish not far behind). I saw this for the first time late one night when I was about 12 years old and laughed myself almost sick. When I see it these days, it's just as funny.

2. Heat - Michael Mann has been a favorite of mine for years, and this is his best. Sure he rehashes some Miami Vice and Crime Story bits, but what the heck (no one saw Crime Story but me anyway), Pacino and De Niro are on screen together for 5 minutes, and who the heck buys Amy Brenneman as a major babe? I don't care. It's got atmosphere out the wazoo (not one minute was shot on a soundstage), you've really got to pay attention to the story and are rewarded if you do, all sorts of great cameos pop up (Jon Voight, William Fichtner, Jeremy Piven, a very young Natalie Portman, etc), and it's got the most realistic street battle in cops-and-robbers-movie history (technical advice from my main man Andy McNab, what do you expect?).

1. Casablanca - My vote for best movie in the history of ever. Every line of dialog is famous, all of the major characters are complex and three-dimensional, Bogart was never more Bogarty, Bergman never looked hotter. I've wanted to be Rick Blaine for as long as I can remember.

NYT - All the fake news that's fit to print

The New York Times, once proud bastion of complete, fact-checked news, has been outed, again. This time, they printed a picture, reputedly of some sad Pakistani tribesmen, very sad child and old man prominently displayed, posing with the "remains of a missile fired at a house in the Bajur tribal zone near the Afghan border".

One little problem: The "missile" is actually a really old, unfired artillery shell.

Whoops. Well, maybe they'll get the next one correct.

Way to go, boys and girls.

Top 5 current TV shows

Just for giggles, we'll be doing a series of posts ranking the top 5 or so entries in a number of categories. Movies, bands, all-time TV shows, sports moments, babes, you name it. If you have any suggestions, please pass 'em on.

To inaugurate the series, here's our Top 5 television shows currently in production:

5. Curb Your Enthusiasm - A lame most-recent season, but still better than just about anything on network TV.
4. The Sopranos - The first appointment TV show for me since the heyday of ER.
3. Da Ali G Show - All three characters are genius, and even better on DVD.
2. Entourage - Johnny Drama and Ari are the two best comedy characters on TV anywhere. I wish I had the stones to say, "Let's hug it out, bitch" in business conversation. I get the feeling that this is pretty much the way it is in big-time LA circles.
1. Lost - Well into the second season and still as mind-bendingly confusing, frustrating, and enthralling as ever.

Before you start with the hate mail, I have held 24 at arms length (personal thing regarding Kiefer Sutherland - I've never liked him or his dad in a single role), and have not succumbed to Deadwood either. I hear great things about both shows, but can't render a personal opinion either way.

Tune in again soon for our next "Top 5" installment.

UPDATE: It hit me like a bolt from the blue today, as the kids were turning on their daily dose of Nickelodeon. I completely forgot Fairly Odd Parents, the genius Butch Hartman cartoon on Nick about a hundred times a day. This show is such fast-paced nuttiness that I have more fun watching it than the kids do. Cosmo is one of the great characters of all time, there are many other great regulars (April Fool, Chip Skylark, the Pixies, Denzel Crocker, and Norm the Genie are some of my favorites), and I can do an excellent Jorgen Von Strangle imitation. This kicks Larry David off the list and comes in at a strong #5.

Iranians at it again

The fun never stops in Tehran, does it? The latest has the Iranians hosting a conference to discuss the "scientific evidence" supporting the Holocaust.

Remember that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad recently called the Holocaust a "myth", has called for Israel to be "wiped from the map", and has stated that Israel should be relocated to Europe.

And, in case you've been living under a rock (sorta like me this past week), you may have missed the stories mentioning that Iran has told the EU to take a jump at a rolling donut regarding the Euros efforts to reign in Iran's nuclear program. The Iranians are working on nuclear weapons, folks. Raise your right hand if you think that's a good thing for geopolitical stability. No takers? Hmm. You know, I rather agree.

In other news, Iran's representative to OPEC has called for the cartel to cut back production of crude oil. To this, I say, "Bring it on". The short term impact will be bad, of course. However, in the long term, these idiots are cutting their own throats. As I keep saying, higher oil prices lead to increased research on alternative fuel sources, and hasten the day we (and the rest of the world) tell Iran, the Arabs, and the other fascist OPEC regimes to take their oil and polish their mothers' behinds with it.

Peyton Manning is a loser

Can't win the big one, indeed. Old #18 is turning into the modern-day equivalent of John Elway. Will he manage to get to the Super Bowl before he's done? Time will tell, but he's going to have to wait another year at least.

For all his tricked-up play-calling-at-the-line-of-scrimmage and pointing crazily at the defensive alignment (just a note here - doesn't it seem like all that carrying on would further stress out his linemen?), Manning is not the miracle worker I thought he might be this year. Pittsburgh tried hard to lose this one, but Peyton couldn't un-gag the chicken bone caught in his throat long enough to do anything about it.

Ah well, go Seahawks (I guess). Consider me on the Rain City Bandwagon, but only because it's the only semi-attractive one left.

There's no kissing in boxing

What the hell is this?

Patriots are done, Colts and Seahawks should be SBXL matchup

I will need to call my friend Joe today to make sure he's not standing on the edge of a bridge somewhere, as his beloved Patriots have finally lost a playoff game.

I didn't see a minute of the game, I'm sorry to say (I spent the night dining, drinking, and dancing with my incredibly hot wife at the Temple Shalom 40th Anniversary bash instead), but it sounds like the Pats gave it away. Five turnovers? You can't win a playoff game turning the ball over that many times.

However, it also sounds like bad calls, and a terrible defensive pass interference call in particular, had a BIG impact early. You start to get into dangerous territory quickly when you ask things like, "What happens if that call in the first half gets overturned?", especially when the Pats wheels really fell off following the call in question. However, it's got to be asked: What happens if that call in the first half gets overturned?

Regardless, Brady, Belichick, and Vinatieri all showed themselves to be human after all. It's too bad, but it had to happen eventually.

The Colts game today will be very interesting. It's hard to say where the Colts heads are right now, with nothing to play for over the past month or so, as well as the Dungy family's recent tragedy. They should beat Pittsburgh handily, and they should stomp the Broncos next week just as handily. However, time will tell. If I were gambling, I'd probably stay away from this game.

Over in the NFC, I am happy to see that the Redskins are done. What a bunch of frauds. The good news is that they probably think they're close, so perhaps they won't change much in the off-season. Assuming Shaun Alexander's bruised melon is OK, Seattle should be the class of the NFC and should not have trouble with the winner of Bears-Panthers (Carolina should win what I think will be one of the most boring playoff games ever).

And to round out the predictions: Peyton Manning will have no trouble with the Seabags. I would take Indianapolis regardless of the point spread, as I think it would be a blowout of Cowboys-Bills proportions.

Final NFL note for now: I really hope Carson Palmer's injury is not as bad as was being reported earlier in the week. In case you didn't already know it, this ought to remind you that you shouldn't take ANYTHING for granted in sports.

Mecca stampede - God's will or crappy bag-check?

Almost 350 Muslim pilgrims were trampled to death in Mecca this week, a story you've no doubt read or heard about elsewhere. As you probably also already know, this isn't the first, or worst, incident at the stone-throwing ritual, which is an important part of the Hajj.

Reaction from the Islamic press is worth a read. There's very little in the way of the "God's will" sort of explanation. There's also very little condemnation of the Saudi government, which is responsible for Mecca, Medina, the Hajj, and those millions of annual pilgrims. Not too surprising, when you consider that "freedom of the press" is not a concept embraced by most Islamic governments any more than queues and luggage checks are embraced by their populations.

Another surprising (sort of) component of the press roundup in the BBC today is the lack of compassion expressed for the victims and their families. I'll leave it to your imagination to figure out what that means. Simply left out of the quotes, but expressed elsewhere in the source pieces? One hopes...

It's difficult not to come across as intolerant and/or flat out anti-Islam in a situation like this. At least, it is for me. For that reason, I will conclude with these two final thoughts:

1. As long as you're not hurting anyone and not shoving it down my throat. I respect everyone's right to worship as they believe.

2. Many Muslim countries, especially host-country Saudi Arabia, are among the wealthiest states in the world. Given that, why can't they solve a problem that is completely predictable, getting more severe each year, and not going to get better on it's own?

Back above ground - what's happening?

I need to apologize to all my fans. The combination of a busy first week at a new client, and the world's worst hotel Internet connection (which cost $10/day, btw - I am so DONE with Embassy Suites), and here I am, a week behind on blogging.

There's no point in trying to catch up on the 1,000+ posts in my blogroll, so I'm just going to do a restart. Stay tuned.

Blogging will be slow this week

Writing from Phoenix this week, in a hotel room that doesn't have a desk but does have a crap Internet connection and an even more crap alarm clock.

I'll try to blog when I can, but no promises.

New version of Moto ROKR sucks less

Gizmodo has a preview of the ROKR E2 from CES. Apparently it's a huge step forward over the incredibly disappointing original.

Maybe worth a try?

Virginia Tech gives Marcus Vick the boot

In a shocking move, Virginia Tech has kicked QB Marcus Vick of the football team for numerous legal problems and unsportsmanlike conduct in the Gator Bowl.

Vick was often brilliant on the field, but struggled in big games. He never became the sensation that his older brother Michael was. His off-the-field problems were significant, ranging from drug arrests to serving alcohol to minors to many driving infractions.

This is refreshing - a big-time football program actually kicking someone off the team for being a low-life almost never happens. However, you have to wonder just how sorry a human Vick really is to warrant this sort of punishment.

At any rate, look for Vick to enter the NFL draft this year. His more-talented older brother struggles in the NFL, so I don't hold out much hope for Marcus. He might make a decent receiver or defensive back, but I see no way he succeeds at QB in the pros.

Greatest college football game ever

For today, the rules of hyperbole are suspended. It's impossible to to go too far when describing what we witnessed last night.

First, name the college football game that surpasses last night's Rose Bowl. One where there was more anticipation leading up to it. One where there was more at stake. One where there were more big plays. One where there were more standout individual performances. Got anything? I don't. Definitive statement: Greatest college football game ever.

Next, name the individual performance in a college football game that surpasses Vince Young's from last night. Again, one where there was more at stake. One where the player made more absolutely clutch plays. One where the player put an entire team on his back and willed them to victory against the heavy favorite. Got anything? I don't. Definitive statement: Greatest individual performance ever.

Holy cow, man. Where to start?

I don't necessarily take back everything I've said about Mack Brown over the years or even this season. I still don't think he's Bear Bryant or Darrell Royal. He may prove to be that or more over time, but he's got a ways to go in my book. However, I do give him full credit for recognizing what he's got in Vince and letting him do his thing. As he said in an interview last night, "Sometime when you do less, you get more." Don't underestimate what it took for him to let Vince have some rope. Brown gets full marks for making the realization and doing something about it. Wanna bet that coaches of major programs all over the country are out today, buying iPods and downloading 50 Cent?

The Texas offense and defense both proved that Vince is not the whole team. Sure, they made mistakes. But they also made BIG, GIANT, HUGE plays when they had to. I don't know how many of these guys are going to the pros, but what a performance by so many of them. Limas Sweed, Ramonce Taylor, Michael Huff, David Thomas all made things happen in the biggest game of their lives.

The Trojans proved to be nearly as good as advertised. Leinart showed quite a bit, and was as good as you'll ever see in the third quarter. Pro scouts are drooling over this guy and rightly so. He has a long, successful NFL career ahead of him.

Reggie Bush also showed why he's Mr. Highlight Reel. However, for everything he did, I think you have to consider his game disappointing. He never really seemed to recover from that ill-advised pitch-while-being-tackled early on. Bush's semi-sleepwalking may have been the difference.

LenDale White, on the other hand, proved quite a bit on the national stage last night, and probably improved his draft position (if he comes out) significantly. It will be interesting to see if he can play at the NFL level. I don't think he's fast enough, and his toughness will be diluted a bit by the superior talent at the next level. Still, what a great game for him.

The USC offense has so many weapons that it's kind of embarrassing.They came so close to going down as one of the greatest college team of all time. As it is, they are still something special. Which makes the Texas victory all the more sweet.

And, finally, Vince. He may be the greatest athlete I have ever had the privilege of watching perform in real time. He made everything look so friggin easy last night. He never looked like he was running hard, but he consistently outran the whole USC defense. He never looked like he was having trouble finding receivers (and, to be honest, his receivers were often wide open), but he made some great throws. He never looked flustered or frustrated. Whenever I hear the term "special athlete", I think of Dana Carvey's "Church Lady" bit, but I don't know how else to describe Vince.

Does Vince come back for his senior year? As much as I'd like to see it, I don't know why he would. Other than the Heisman (more about that in a moment), what's left for him to prove? As for the Heisman, my take is this: He completely outplayed the last two Heisman winners last night, if the voting were re-held today, he'd win in a landslide (an aside: Why isn't the voting done after the biggest games of the year? That seems backwards to me). If he were to come back next year, he'd be the overwhelming favorite to win it, and all of the pressure would be on him. It would be a no-win situation for him - if he got the award, it would be because he was supposed to, if he didn't, he'd be called all sorts of nasty names in the media. Why bother?

Can Vince play in the NFL? I don't know. Physically, there's NO DOUBT he can. He's a bigger, faster, stronger Michael Vick. If Vick is a star in the league (and, for whatever reason, he is), then Vince is a SUPER-star. However, I don't know if Vince can do well in structured NFL offense. It really seems to me that he began to flourish when Mack Brown threw out the playbook and instituted the "zone-read". If he comes out, he'll go in the top 3, and we'll get to find out if he can hack it. I wouldn't bet against him.

I loved this game. I really think this is one that we'll look back on for the next 30 years, and remember it as the best championship game in history. I anticipated this game for weeks (hell, since the Ohio State game), and it lived up to my expectations. Even Robynne, who is no sports fan, got into this one, and was talking about it this morning. I'm just glad I got to see it, and in spectacular HD to boot.

I'm going to enjoy this, and all Texas fans should. Whatever happens next season, it won't be as much fun as this year has been.

Vince is God

I got nothing else right now. More tomorrow.

Unbelievable.

Rose Bowl Day is finally here!

Sturm has a great, short-and-to-the-point preview. I see it the same way, and have nothing to add beyond what I said here.

Go Vince! I cannot wait until 7:00 tonight!

How does this happen in 2006 America??

By now, you've probably heard about the absolutely horrific foul-up regarding the fate of the miners trapped in the West Virginia coal mine. If you haven't, let me quickly rehash it.

Last night, late word was that a single miner had been found, dead, inside the mine, and that the search was continuing for the remaining 12 missing men.

This morning, I woke to find that the 12 remaining miners had been located, and, miraculously, they were all alive. It was unbelievably great to see that on the front page of the Dallas Morning News.

Now, we find out that 11 of the 12 are, in fact, dead. And the 12th is just barely hanging on.

Worse yet, the families were not told of the mistake for several hours. Even though officials knew within 20 minutes that initial reports of multiple survivors were incorrect.

This is the sort of news you expect to see in your history text book about 1855 America. You aren't all that surprised to see news like this come out of China or the far reaches of Siberia today. But this is West friggin' Virginia, 2006. How is a fuck-up (pardon my language) like this POSSIBLE?

Well, say bye-bye to International Coal Group, the owner of the mine. The judgment against them in the lawsuit to be brought by the families will be in the billions. And rightly so.

News like this shakes your faith (not that I had much to begin with) in corporate America. Maybe the frothing-at-the-mouth types have a point now and again.

UPDATE: Not so fast. I was quick to jump on the company, and it sure looks like there's lots of blame for them in this. However, the cable news channels may have jumped the gun, "reporting" rumor and overheard conversations as "corroborated news". This story ain't done, not by a long shot.

Funniest Gizmodo headline ever

The new Motorola H5 In-Ear Bluetooth handsfree set is one cool gadget, but the headline chosen by my friends at Gizmodo sure does put an unpleasant image into your head.

Too close to home

There, but for the grace of God, go I.

$200 Google PC on the way?

This is worth watching - the Internet is all a-buzz with rumors that, this Friday, Google will be unveiling a $200 mini-PC running some sort of Google OS.

Gizmodo is taking the skeptical route, and I am right there with them. However, nothing those boys (and girls) at Google does surprises me any more.

Pocket-sized HD video cams are coming

Sanyo will be unveiling it's new, hand-held, high-def video camera at this week's Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas.

Just what I need - shaky, poorly framed video of my daughter's 9th birthday in 720p.

The good news is that this camera is priced well south of $1,000, and they'll only get cheaper. But I have to believe we're going to reach the point of diminishing returns on this stuff. Why on Earth do I need to see my lousy home video in true 1080p?

Stay tuned for more goodies from CES throughout the week. This is the best show of the year.

The Zapruder film - stabilized version

In the middle of this post from WFMU's Beware of the Blog, you'll find a link to a digitally stabilized version of the famous Zapruder film.

The Zapruder film, for anyone living under a rock for the past 40 years, is a home movie shot by one Abraham Zapruder in Dealy Plaza, Dallas, Texas on November 22, 1963. It is live-and-in-color view of the assassination of John Kennedy. It is one of the most stunning 10 second pieces of film you'll ever see and, for my money, it completely refutes the Warren Commission's "official" finding that Oswald acted alone.

The problem with the Zapruder film over the years has been the jerky, all-over-the-place framing of the subject. You have to remember that Zapruder was 50 feet from the street, using a crap 8mm film camera to record the murder of his president on a beautiful autumn day. It's miraculous that Kennedy is even in the picture throughout.

Some genius has digitally stabilized the film. You'll see how it was done right away. The result is a piece of film that is more disturbingly clear than ever.

IMPORTANT NOTE: The Zapruder film is not for kids. It is graphic as hell. Consider yourself warned.

New movie-download service launches

Starz, the premium movie channel available on your satellite or cable service, has just launched a new video download service called Vongo.

Painfully silly name aside, there a few things regarding the service that are worth mentioning:

1. While there are other movie download services available already (MovieLink being the most notable), Vongo is the first to offer a rotating selection of movies.

2. Vongo is specifically designed to work with Microsoft's Mobile Windows Media Player, which means you'll be able to watch your downloaded movies on any handheld device that uses Microsoft's mobile OS.

3. Vongo's DRM (Digital Rights Management - the distribution and viewing restrictions employed by the provider - if you don't know this acronym, you should) enables you to transfer your movies among three different devices, a lot like the .mp3s you're buying online (you are buying now, right?).

4. Vongo works on a subscription model - a flat fee for all the movies you want. You'll also be able to pay a smaller fee for pay-per-view for newer movies.

This sort of service represents the next frontier in digital media. It's going to be very interesting to see how online distribution co-exists with next-gen DVDs, hi-def cable (BTW - I think satellite is toast within 5 years), and other distribution channels.

Woman marries dolphin

A 41-year old British woman has married a 35-year old male bottlenose dolphin in Israel.

Sometimes, this blog just writes itself, you know?

Maurice Clarett - from star to alleged felon in no time at all

Police in Columbus, OH are looking to pick up former Ohio State star running back Maurice Clarett on armed robbery charges.

Clarett, for those of you who don't know, was a tremendously successful freshman running back at Ohio State back in 2002, helping the Buckeyes win the National Championship. However, since the win over Miami in that year's Fiesta Bowl, Clarett has had nothing but trouble.

He was suspended by Ohio State for the 2003 season for filing a false police report and for receiving special favors from boosters. Then, in 2004, he spilled the beans on Ohio State's "fringe benefits" program to ESPN The Magazine. Following that less-than-shocking revelation (folks, EVERY major college football program has that sort of shenanigans going on), the NCAA extended an "invitation" to Clarett for him to elaborate on his charges. He never showed.

Clarett also challenged the NFL policy on draft eligibility, a case that made it to the Supreme Court. Once he was finally drafted by the Denver Broncos, he made it all the way through training camp before Denver cut him. He has not caught on anywhere else.

The real kicker is the fact that, if he had stayed in school and kept his mouth shut, Clarett would be a senior right now, and the Buckeyes might be somewhere other than back in the Fiesta Bowl against Notre Dame.

You hate to paint everyone with the same brush, and there are many examples of athletes who are fine, upstanding citizens, but there are also enough of these stories that I often ask myself, "Why am I cheering for these guys?"

In case your New Year resolution included killing yourself in an unusual way...

Introducing the Sideways Bike. The site includes photographic evidence that it can, in fact, be ridden by a human.

I love nutty inventions like this. I really wonder what the heck was going through this guy's mind when he had his "Eureka!" moment.

More Cambodian opposition figures charged with "defamation"

It looks like things are headed back towards the Bad Old Days in Cambodia, as several opposition leaders have recently been charged and/or convicted of "criminal defamation" of the ruling coalition.

Our CIT coverage started last week when Sam Rainsy was sentenced in absentia to 18 months in prison for defaming Hun Sen and Prince Ranariddh. Now, several other leaders, including Kem Sokha, leader of the Cambodian Center for Human Rights, have had the same book thrown at them.

This is not good. Governments around the world should condemn these actions in the strongest possible terms.

Did I forget the Rose Bowl?

Had an emailer ask me about the National Championship Game, asking why I had nothing to say on it. It's not so much that I don't have anything to say. I just don't have anything to say that hasn't already been said by 500 other people.

However, since it is right around the corner (sort of), I guess I should record my thoughts for posterity.

First and foremost - I can't remember a college football game I was looking forward to more. I remember really anticipating the regular season game between Switzer's Sooners and Jimmy's Hurricanes back in 1986, but it was nothing like this. I'm literally trying not to think about it because when I do, I can't wait for it.

Which way does it go? I've got a gut feeling that Texas is going to hang in there til the bitter end, and I really think the 'Horns have a legit shot at winning. Their defense is tougher than anything USC has faced, and everyone on the UT offense can run like crazy. I think the weakest unit on the field will be the Trojan defensive secondary. If Texas can get the running game going (and they have against everyone they've played), I think things will loosen up enough that Vince will win the game through the air.

What can go wrong? Only about a million things:

Mack could have a total meltdown and start calling plays from the 1993 Tarheels playbook. It's certainly a possibility, but it really seems to me that Texas has pretty much thrown out the playbook this year. Doesn't it look like Brown's main contribution to the offense each week is shouting out, "Go win the game, Vince."? It appears that way to me.

Reggie Bush could really be as unstoppable as he's looked. Maybe he is. He's been a man among boys the past few games, but none of those have been against a Texas-caliber defense.

Matt Leinart could be the second coming of Roger Staubach. I have no evidence to indicate that he's not.

Pete Carroll could really be a college football genius. If he is, he'll be the only one on the field, because Mack Brown sure ain't. However, I can't get the picture of a clueless Carroll patrolling the Jets and Pats sidelines in the 90s out of my head. He sure wasn't a football genius in those days. Maybe he's sold his soul to Old Scratch since then. It's possible. He is in LA, after all.

I can think of about a zillion scenarios where the 'Horns get their asses handed to them by USC. However, when I shake off the paranoia, I still think that this is the year.

Come on Jan 4!!!

WTF - Tropical Storm Zeta?

The 27th named storm of 2005 has formed in the middle of the Atlantic. Tropical Storm Zeta poses no threat to land at this time.

Tropical weather season runs through the end of November. Storms have formed in December before, exactly 7 times, including Hurricane Epsilon earlier this month, but this may be the latest we've ever seen one.

Brace yourself for more of this sort of thing, as the NHC warns that hurricane seasons will be busy for the next 10 to 50 years.

Genius practical joke

Here's a video that is pure genius - a bunch of guys TiVo'd the Texas Lottery drawing, then went out and bought a ticket with the winning numbers. They played back the drawing and let one of their friends think that he had the winning ticket in his hands.

Poor sap. Of course, he's wearing an Aggie t-shirt, so it's hard to work up MUCH sympathy.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Don't play this back at work or in front of the kids. The language is, as they say, a bit salty.

SBC changes to AT&T - target market asks "Why?"

Brad Feld had some choice comments regarding SBC's transformation to the AT&T brand. As a dissatisfied customer of both brands, I am right there with Brad, asking, "Why bother?"

My proposed slogan for this latest candidate for "World's Worst Company" was along the lines proposed by Brad. I like "Trying harder every day to suck less". At least that's honest. Assuming they are, you know, trying.

Meet the new Rangers ace

Here's an MSNBC article covering the BIG Kevin Millwood press conference in Arlington today. I can't tell you how excited I am about this signing.

The headline of the article stopped me in my tracks - "Texas' commitment to winning sways Millwood". In years past, I would have completely laughed this off. The only commitment the Rangers have shown lately is to padding Big Dumb Tom's wallet. Not this year. Time will tell if this is the pivotal offseason, but the addition of Millwood, Eaton, and Padilla, with the possibility still out there that Clemens will be here too, and the loss of very little (with the exception of Soriano - that one may hurt) means that we've witnessed the Rangers' single best free-agent expedition in the past 20 years and maybe ever.

I am JACKED UP about this year. There are still questions in the bullpen, but there always are. The DVD boys are in the wings, Frankie Francisco ought to be back with some anger management under his belt, Coco Cordero has been automatic the past couple of years, Otsuka ought to bring something, and the offense shouldn't miss much even without Soriano.

Let's GO!!













UPDATE: The great TR Sullivan in the Fort Worth Startlegram lists the 10 biggest free-agent signings in Rangers' history. This one is bigger than any of them, in terms of making the Rangers a legit contender.

World's worst baby-sitter

This is every parent's worst nightmare. Juan Reyes was left to supervise two little kids (2 and 3 years old), got completely pissed, passed out on the couch, and let the two-year-old drink enough hooch to blow a .09.

Truly disturbing.

RES-Q Infant Wedge info

The RES-Q Infant Wedge made it into OT Advance magazine and their Web site in the past few days, and we've seen a spike in visitors who are Googling that term.

For those of you interested in receiving more info on the RES-Q Infant Wedge, esp since OT Advance left out the ordering info, you can email me at phelkin@gmail.com and I will pass it on.

For additional reading material on the wedge, you can read my less-than-technical post on the subject here.

Thanks for your interest!

Cogill's top and bottom 10 movies of 2005

The great Gary Cogill (movie critic extrodinaire from WFAA Channel 8 in Dallas) has posted his 10 Best and 10 Worst movies of 2005. I'm embarrassed to say that I haven't seen many of either list, but I take Cog's word most of the time.

I have only two quibbles: I have read in other places that Crash takes itself a bit too seriously, and how in the world was anything worse than Duece Bigelow: European Gigolo?

Wonder what this homepage will look like next week?

Geez, man. Everyone's got a Website.

Poor Billy. What's going to be here tomorrow? A "For Sale" sign?

Sporty sports

Before we get too far down the road, I need to comment a bit on a few of the larger sports stories here in Big D over the past few days. There have been many, including the Mavs rise to the very tippy top of the Western Conference, despite getting lit up like fireflies by Kobe, and the tremendous performances turned in by Mr. Martin Turco of late. However, I'm going to blow past those (wake me up after the Super Bowl if you want NBA or NHL talk), and go to the two very biggest: Cowboys-Panthers and Kevin Millwood.

Headline #1: I wish I was as thin as the Cowboys' playoff chances

While Dallas is mathematically still in it, the odds were better for the Christians in the Coliseum. The Cowboys showed tremendous heart, coming back from 10-0 to the Panthers, and with some attention paid to the O line this offseason, there's every reason to be hopeful for next year. But, let's face it: The 'Boys dug their own grave against the Giants and Redskins. A win in either of those games, and we're not talking about Old Testament-style miracles necessary to make the playoffs.

It was great to see #21 reel off 194 yards. Where the heck has Julius Jones been? And why did he choose this game to return? Whatever his reasons, I was glad to see it. No more disappearing acts, dude.

They aren't The Triplets of old, but Bledsoe-Glenn-Johnson are my current-crop favorite Cowboys. All three quieted a lot of their critics with their performances all year and esp in this must-win game. I really hope Keyshawn gets a chance in the playoffs this year or next. He's so like Irvin in every way, except in the BIG games. That may be just because he hasn't played in that many. I'd like to find out.

I'll even give the Pear-Shaped "Football Genius" his due. After the rancid performance in DC, he got this team to dig deep and come up big when they absolutely had to do it. There's no way the team would have responded the same way to Switzer, Gailey, or Campo.

While Saturday was fun, it's too much to hope for that Carolina or Washington are going to lose. I know, I know, stranger things have happened. But both the Panthers and the 'Skins are playing must-win games against poor teams (Atlanta and Philadelphia, respectively). At least we'll know before Cowboys-Rams kickoff whether the game is going to mean anything.

Headline #2: Winter of discontent no more

As mentioned here on Monday night, the near-impossible has happened in that the Rangers have signed a legitimate free-agent pitcher. Kevin Millwood, he of the 3.76 lifetime ERA and 107-75 lifetime record, has become the Rangers first REAL ace since, crap, I don't know. Nolan Ryan? Jeez, Jim Kern? Whatever. In a long time.

Millwood has been known to throw some fly balls, which is scary here. Regardless, the guy throws a consistent 92 mph fastball and he has a mean sinker and slider. That's FAR better than anything the Rangers have run out there in eons.

Suddenly, the Rangers rotation doesn't look like the Marx Brothers anymore. I can live with Millwood-Eaton-Padilla-Loe?-Dominguez? or some variation on that.

Jon Daniels is off to a very promising start. He's made some stuff happen this off-season. We'll see how it pans out, but so far, very impressive. I take back all the bad stuff I said after the Beckett fiasco.

And we've got to give some credit to Big Not-So-Dumb Tom also. He not only opened the wallet, but did so for what appears to be the right guy. The Millwood signing seems, on the surface at least, to be MUCH less risky than the Chan Ho Park signing a few years ago. That may be hindsight, but I remember thinking, "Chan Ho Park? Five years? Sixty-five million dollars? Is Tom baked?" Not so this time.

Let's go, pitchers and catchers! I'm ready!

Palestinian mastermind of Munich has a few words for movie, Israel

Mohammed Daoud planned Black September's attack on the Israeli Olympic team in Munich in 1972, and time hasn't cooled his fervor much.

Daoud recently granted a rare interview with the Western press (specifically, Reuters), and showed about zero regret for his actions.

"We did not target Israeli civilians," he said. "Some of them (the athletes) had taken part in wars and killed many Palestinians. Whether a pianist or an athlete, any Israeli is a soldier."

This is, of course, a slightly softer way of saying, "Every Israeli must be killed or driven out of the Middle East."

A quote regarding the movie and Spielberg's statement that it his "prayer for peace": "Spielberg showed the movie to widows of the Israeli victims, but he neglected the families of Palestinian victims," said Daoud. "How many Palestinian civilians were killed before and after Munich?"

Spielberg, by the way, insists that he tried hard to present a "fair and balanced look at the Palestinians involved in the story." Judging by the harsh reaction the film has received from some quarters in Israel, it appears that he succeeded. When the Israeli right wing starts complaining about the "humanizing" of terrorists, you're probably seeing a pretty accurate portrayal.

Officials "blameless" in Beslan massacre

Russian prosecutors investigating last years' deadly siege in Beslan, North Ossetia and the even-more-deadly attempt to lift it have determined that officials on the scene and in Moscow made no (that is, zero) mistakes.

Let's take a moment to remember that more than 330 people lost their lives in this series of events, many of them little kids. There's a great deal of debate regarding the timing of the raid that was supposed to lift the siege: Did government forces storm the school after explosives placed by the Chechan terrorists started to detonate? Or did the explosions start after the raid began?

The victims' relatives are already good and mad at the Putin government. This won't help matters.

Too late for Xmas, but great gift nonetheless

For the sushi fan in your life, here is a set of soy-sauce dispensing chopsticks.

This is either American ingenuity at its best, or American sloth at its worst. I'll go with the ingenuity choice, buy you probably already knew that.

HOLY S**T!!! Rangers get Millwood!

I'm stunned!! Shocked!!!

The Rangers have signed free agent pitcher Kevin Millwood to a 5 year, $60 million contract. The length and the dough are both huge, but history has shown that the Rangers have to money whip decent pitchers.

More info on this later. For the moment, the headline says it all! HOLY S**T!!

Bin Laden's niece appears in GQ without much clothing

Wafah Dufour might be just another attractive, young, aspiring pop-star from Southern California. Sure, she's of Middle Eastern descent, but so was Danny Thomas, right? Who cares?

Except Wafah Dufour isn't just another wannabe. Her dad is a guy named Yeslam Binladin, who's from a huge, wealthy Saudi family. You may have heard of their most famous family member - a slightly wacky proponent of questionable hygiene named Uncle Osama.

That's right, Wafah Dufour, whom you can see quite a bit of in this month's GQ, is Osama bin Laden's niece. There's a bit of delicious payback here. I SINCERELY hope that someone manages to pass a copy along to old Uncle Osama.

Rep. Conyers' wife in barroom brawl

In a move that will probably cause her husband's poll numbers to go thru the roof, Monica Conyers, wife of Rep John Conyers (D - MI), was involved in some sort of barroom altercation in Detroit on Tuesday.

The fact that there was an altercation is not disputed, only the nature of said altercation is. Not surprisingly, Mrs. Conyers and the other involved party, one Rebecca Mews, have some difference of opinion as to who did what.

Now if it had been a senator's wife who got into a barroom brawl, THAT would be news.

Where does Santa live?

According to CNN, he has a place in northern Iceland. I kind like Lapland for the office and a rad pad in Helsinki for the offseason, but I'm Jewish - what do I know about Santa?

Uh-oh - opposition being harshly suppressed in Cambodia

Just when the rule of law seemed to be taking hold in Cambodia, today we have a BBC story that appears to be a significant step backwards.

Sam Rainsy (who only sounds like the guy who works at the Exxon station on the corner) has been the leading voice of the opposition to the Hun Sen-Prince Norodom Ranariddh coalition government for several years. His political party, the not-very-catchingly-named Sam Rainsy Party, holds a few seats in the parliament, but his primary contribution has been that of a gadfly.

Sam Rainsy has been sentenced in absentia to 18 months in prison for remarks he made about both Hun Sen and Prince Ranariddh. He had claimed that Hun Sen had been involved in a grenade attack on a Sam Rainsy Party rally several years ago, and that Ranariddh had accepted bribes to form the coalition.

This kind of prosecution for "defamation" has become more regular in Cambodia recently. Hun Sen, who has resorted to all sorts of tricks, dirty and not so dirty, to retain power for the past 15 years, is showing no signs of letting go of the reins and letting democracy work in this very sad country.

Must-have mobile phone gadget

The unfortunately named USB Phonebook Flasher is a great gizmo; one that I wish I'd had a few months ago when my long-service LG croaked on me.

We've all been there, right? You've built up a phonebook of hundreds of contacts stored in your mobile, but you have no way of backing them up. If you're a Cingular customer, you can move your numbers to your SIM card, but good luck trying to decipher which number is Bob's mobile number, which one is his office number, and which one is his home number. If you're a Verizon customer, you're completely out of luck.

Then your phone dies. Getting a new phone is easy enough. The hard part is spending an entire night plugging all your contacts into the new phonebook or, worse yet, emailing everyone you've ever met to beg for their phone numbers so you can plug them in.

Yuck!

With the aforementioned USB Phonebook Flasher, you can periodically take backups of your mobile's phone book, plug the gadget into your USB port, and transfer it, intact, to your PC. Then, when your phone dies, you can reverse the process to the new phone and, voila, you're back in business.

Genius!

I miss Tom Friedman

Greg Djerejian of The Belgravia Dispatch recently shared a cab with Tom Friedman of the NYT. As you may be aware, you can't read Friedman's columns on the NYT site anymore, unless you're willing to pony up $50/year to join "TimeSelect", which I am not as a matter of principle.

My loss, as far as Friedman goes. Djerejian reprinted a bit of a Friedman column on the next steps in Iraq following the election. As always, it's rational, positive, and well-written.

I miss that guy. Not $50-miss-him, but I do miss him.

Turkey and Iran - not exactly pals

Under the radar recently, both CIA Director Porter Goss and FBI Director Robert Mueller paid separate visits to Turkey. One of the main topics of both visits, according to a variety of sources quoted by Winds of Change, was Iran.

You may or may not be aware of this (I didn't know much about it), but Iran and Turkey are not exactly kissing cousins. Both are majority-Muslim countries, but that's pretty much where the similarity ends. While Iran is ruled by a radical Islamic theocracy, headed by their nut-job President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Turkey represents the other end of the spectrum; it is a secular, relatively democratic country that is actively seeking close ties to the West.

There's long been speculation that Iran sponsors a Kurdish-Islamic seperatist movement that opposes the Turkish government. And the development of nuclear weapons by Iran would scare the crap out of Turkey.

The Winds of Change article is a good read, giving a lot of in-depth information regarding the sore spots in the relationship between the two countries. There are quite a few of those.

The state of the debate in the American Muslim community

An interesting article on tcsdaily today. Stephen Schwartz, who has written quite a bit on the American Muslim community, presents a piece on "Why American Muslims Stay Silent" in the face of Islamic extremism.

His answer might surprise you. It certainly did me. Schwartz says the American and British Muslim communities are more dominated by Saudi- and Pakistani-influenced extremists than many Islamic nations in the Middle East.

His primary culprit is something he calls the "Wahhabi Lobby" (catchy, ain't it?), primarily consisting of the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR), which is backed by donations from Saudi Arabia as well as the noted humanitarians organization Hamas. CAIR is often in the thick of any conflict regarding "Islamic sensitivities" in the US, crying foul whenever Muslims are portrayed in a less-than-flattering light.

CAIR is also, Schwartz says, active in shouting down moderate Islamic voices in the US. They are quick to pounce on Muslims who speak in conciliatory terms or who urge moderation in the Palestinian-Israeli conflict or other Muslim-world hotspots.

It's this pressure, says Schwartz, that keeps moderate Muslims from speaking out in the West and which, in my opinion, furthers the image of the Islamic faith as one of extremism and intolerance.

It's thought provoking reading. I encourage you to check it out.

NY transit strike from the New Yorkers perspective

The NY transit strike has been resolved, and not to the union's liking. One of the biggest reasons it got resolved so quickly was the reaction of the NY public.

The union had figured the average working New Yorker was going to come down on their side. They miscalculated in a big way. Despite the best efforts of the far left, this did not turn into the "class struggle" the union expected. Instead, it pointed out the huge gap between private-sector working people and those who work in the public sector.

The union-controlled public sector still gets things like 100% paid medical insurance, pensions, and retirement at 55. Needless to say, not many workers in the private sector get anything like those benefits. It's difficult for a $30,000-a-year clerk at Citibank to sympathize with a transit worker who makes more money, pays less for better benefits, and drives a train around in a circle all day.

Instead of becoming a "Workers of the World, Unite!" moment, this turned into another example of why labor unions have become so irrelevant in 21st century America.

Hot Sports Opinion on Damon-to-Yankees

Beth from Cursed to First has the hottest of Hot Sports Opinions regarding the Boston media's reaction to Damon's defection to the Evil Empire. A sample:

Wow. My blood pressure just zoomed into the red zone reading that again,
even though I knew it was coming this time. I really can hardly stand it. I
mean...it's bullshit. It's just bullshit. Apparently we've never lost a free
agent before? Apparently there's never been a hole to fill in the off-season
before? I'd like to see just how many other MLB teams "know" they have the Red
Sox, with their $130 million payroll, playoffs three years in a row, among the
largest sports markets in the United States, and recent World Series
championship, "over a barrel."

At risk of sounding like I'm straight out of 1998, you GO, girl!

Read the whole thing!

OPEC meets w/ China

Chinese officials and OPEC representatives met recently, in a scene that must have been right out of the cantina on Tatooine in Star Wars.

China has, of course, turned into one of the world's largest consumers of OPEC petroleum. The Chinese are anxious to secure supplies of energy, and the OPEC folks are interested in further developing what could easily be the largest energy market in the world.

Neither the Chinese nor the Arabs are noted for their acceptance of "foreigners", and it's hard to imagine two more different cultures. The Chinese have been repressing their Muslim Uighur minority for decades, at times brutally.

Business sure does make for strange bedfellows, doesn't it?

For the umpteenth time, wouldn't it be just wonderful to develop some alternative forms of energy, so that the whole world could tell OPEC to shove it up their wazoos.

Chechen women suffering from mass illness

A mysterious mass illness has struck the women and girls of Chechnya. More than 70 people have been suffering from breathing problems, headaches, irrational fears, and panic attacks for the past few weeks.

Officials earlier this week were saying they suspected nerve gas. Now, they're changing their story, saying it could be psychological reaction to the 10 years of fighting between Chechen rebels and the Russian Federation.

The war has been fought both in Chechnya and Russia, and has been as nasty as any conflict in human history. Psychological damage to the residents of the region is certainly not out of the question. However, the brutality of the conflict makes the use of chemical weapons by one or both sides a real possibility as well.

Alistair Cooke's bones stolen - not kidding

In the creepiest story I've ever run across, the bones of the late, great Alistair Cooke appear to have been stolen prior to his cremation.

Cooke, the longtime host of BBC's Letter From America, and PBS's Alistair Cooke's America, died of cancer (which had spread to his bones) in March 2004. He was 95.

The story is that a ring of body-part thieves, including surgeons, mortuary workers, and "entrepreneurs", surgically removed his bones prior to his cremation. His family was given the ashes of his remaining, um, remains, which they then spread around Central Park in New York.

Needless to say, his family is outraged. Also needless to say, the theft of cancerous bones from an elderly body for reuse in transplants violates about a billion laws of both man and God.

Dope-scented candles

Don't you buy candles to cover up the smell of weed? For whatever reason, you can buy these to cover the smell of your perfume/cooking/laundry detergent with the pungent scent of marijuana.

Buy some as a gift for your college-age kid and watch them become very popular in their dorm.

And, does anyone call it "dope" anymore?

I don't remember THESE Christmas specials

The Ticket's own Gordon Keith, who reminds us on a daily basis that, with the right medications, the mentally ill can be contributing members of society, writes a weekly column for Belo's Quick newspaper. Usually, his weekly offering is full of deeply disturbing images and grotesque humor. And it's always worth a look.

This week, Gordon reminisces on some Christmas specials he saw as a child. I don't remember any of these, but maybe that's because my parents closely screened my television schedule.

Links I refuse to post

I stole the headline from Gordon Keith, and the link itself from Geeding. I have no idea why I'm posting this, but here it goes:

If you have a flatulence problem (I'm not singling anyone out!), you can use this filter in your drawers to absorb the odor. The filters themselves were developed from the same materials used in chemical warfare suits.

As a bonus, you'll find all sorts of other flatulence-related products at the bottom of the distributor's page.

That's it. No more on this subject. Ever. I promise. Unless I run across something funny, in which case I'll probably post it.