Friday, February 29, 2008

Addendum to this morning's Mavs post

Oh dear. We look on the Internet today, and find that is up and running.

Nothing like a massive knee-jerk to pick up your Friday afternoon.

J. Kidd: Future Hall of Famer and crunch time bench warmer?

I have been silent on the big half-the-Maverick-roster-for-Jason-Kidd trade that went down a few weeks ago. Enough ink and hot air have been expended debating this thing that I couldn't possibly add anything of substance to it.

For the record, I loved the trade.

I, like most of the Dallas-area basketball public, am stunned by what I witnessed last night, and it deserves some vitriol from me.

Can someone, anyone, explain why Jason Kidd, the greatest point guard of his generation, the guy you brought in here to close games, the QB Avery has been looking for, why this guy you just gave up half your team for was on the bench when you're down two points to the NBA champs with less than a minute left? Can someone please take me through the thought process on this one?

Avery's explanation (lifted directly from Tim MacMahon's blog post):

"Well, we were looking at spreading the floor with all of our shooters in the game," Avery said after TNT's Craig Sager asked the question on everybody's mind. "We wanted to put Stack, Josh and Jet, and that gave Dirk some more room to operate in those situations. And, just to show ... Dirk made some great moves in there, got his jersey pulled a couple of times. He battled, but our spacing was good, and that's what we were doing on that particular one."


Let's forget the not-too-subtle jab at the refs, which is apparently what most of the team spent the post-game griping about. I'm all for giving Dirk some room, and getting the shooters in the game, namely Terry, Howard, and Stackhouse, makes sense also. But, come on. I believe (forget that, I know) Avery himself waxed euphoric about Kidd's ability to deliver at crunch time during the press conference right after the trade.

So, how about it, Avery?

Even Barkley was stunned.

An aside: One the the best things about Kidd, in my opinion, is his relationship with most of the refs in the league. Unlike way too many of his teammates, along with way too many people in the Mavs organization, he doesn't waste time whining about calls. I can't stand that about this team. Bitching about the refs is for losers.

Well, I didn't really expect the Mavs to go into San Antonio and win. They came awfully darn close, which is encouraging. But the rap on Avery from his detractors is that he's a control freak who won't cede offensive decision making to anyone, even a guy with Kidd's rep and resume. Last night's actions sorta seem to back that up...

Thursday, February 28, 2008

A stroll down Amnesia Lane

Ran into this from Big Bob Wilonsky on Unfair Park this evening - a group of 1987 grads from good ol' JJ Pearce High School in Richardson (the arch-rival of my own Richardson Eagles) are participating in a TV Land show called, rather obviously, High School Reunion.

This is a few years after I had left the local scene, but its right in the wheelhouse for some friends and my dear goofy brother-in-law. I wonder if he knows any of these attention-starved media whores, er, I mean participants?

Daily YouTube: Worst movie scenes ever

Warning: Some of this is funny, but not terribly kid-friendly.

Funny, and only slightly sarcastic

The Billboard Liberation Front has launched a new, San Francisco-based campaign executed on behalf of AT&T and the National Security Agency. The billboards are "designed to promote and celebrate the innovative collaboration of these two global communications giants".

Monday, February 25, 2008

Daily YouTube: Kimmel's revenge

You knew you'd see this sooner or later: Kimmel is ****ing Ben Affleck.

Do I have to mention the language (actually sort of a single, very long bleep) warning?

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Daily YouTube: The Bruce Sketch

More inspired insanity from Monty Python.

Rule numbers 1, 3, 5, and 7: No pooftahs!

Full throttle

A German man decapitated his girlfriend with a machete, placed her severed head in a daypack on his car seat, and drove his car straight into a truck, killing himself. This after he left the girlfriend's headless body in his bedroom, and set fire to the building.

If you're going to go out, this is doing so as emphatically as possible.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Um, uh-oh?

Daily YouTube: Matt Damon is truly my hero

Following the smash duet w/ Sarah Silverman, here's Damon doing his one impression. See if you can figure out who it is:

Friday funny

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.

He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?

"Yeah, I''ve come to activate your phone lines."

The man who almost killed Hitler

I stumbled across this on the BBC Web site today, and found it so remarkable, I had to post it.

This is the story of one Henry Tandey, a private soldier in the 5th Duke of Wellington regiment during the First World War. An exceptional soldier, he was awarded the DCM, the MM, and the Victoria Cross for bravery under fire. In fact, he left the service in the 20's as the most decorated private soldier of the War.

The most fascinating part of Tandey's amazing story is his actions around Marcoing on 28th September 1918. On this day, the day he also won his VC, he had a dazed and wounded German infantryman in his sights. Tandey held his fire, as the battle-weary enemy soldier never raised his weapon. The young German, a corporal from Austria named Adolf Hitler, nodded in thanks and walked off.

I'll leave to you to read how both men, and, ultimately, the world found out the identity of the parties involved. It's entirely plausible that Hitler was the German spared by Tandey, and is, in fact, likely.

History is full of what-ifs. It's pretty pointless to wonder most of the time - what if Franz Ferdinand hadn't gone to Sarajevo, what if the Germans had taken Moscow in 1941, what if Khrushchev hadn't backed down over Cuba, what if Gore had contested the election more aggressively? Those things happened they way they did, and no amount of wondering will change it.

However, it's pretty compelling to consider what the world would be like if Private Tandey had squeezed the trigger...

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Daily YouTube MAXIMUS: Political songs

Political campaigns, especially for President, make normal people into idiots. Today's example:

Equal time, though, tragically, not nearly as silly:

Now THIS is more like it...:

And it gets even awesomer:

By the way, I still haven't made up my mind...

Valentine's Day funny

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he's doing.

"I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine's Day cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer."

Today's blonde joke

Vern walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM . He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Vern and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Vern says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Vern placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Vern, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Verne replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news and so I knew he would jump."

The blond replied, "I did, too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."


I don't have the words...

More cute'n'cuddly hate from Hamas

Tomorrow's Pioneers, the Palestinian pre-school TV show which brought us the lovable, hate-filled, Nazi mouse Farfour, who was beaten to death by a fictional Israeli policeman (how ludicrous is the previous sentence?), now brings us a new, even-more-huggable, even-more-psychotic, fuzzy children's character: Assud the Bunny.

Assud (which translates to "Lion", sort of an interesting moniker for a rabbit) tells Sara'a, the kindly child host of this truly evil program, that he wishes to "finish off the Jews and eat them."

Things like this make me want to tear my hair out. These are the actions of people who have no regard for the improvement of conditions for their people. They are not concerned about the lives and minds of their children. They are not interested in discussion or compromise.

How, then, is Israel supposed to deal with these people?

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Gaza intervention appears inevitable

It appears the IDF is going into Gaza in a big way, and in the near future. Nearly continuous rocket fire, in addition to last week's suicide bombing, have pushed the Israelis into an untenable situation.

From the Jerusalem Post, via Jewish Issues Watchdog, here's some analysis of the plans. I'm encouraged by the amount of talk dedicated to the exit strategy. If the IDF is going in, they need to know how to get out as well.

The end game between the Israelis and the Palestinians is harder to see right now than at any time in recent memory.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Funny fun-fun

A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces his presence to St. Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon reading the entry for the cabbie, St. Peter invites him to pick up a silk robe and a golden staff and to proceed into Heaven.

A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has been watching these proceedings with interest. He announces himself to St. Peter. Upon scanning the preacher's entry in the Big Book, St. Peter furrows his brow and says, "Okay, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff."

The preacher is astonished and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie."

St. Peter responded matter-of-factly: "This is heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."

Monday, February 04, 2008

Super Bowl: How. Could. This. Happen.

I, along with most of America, am stunned by last night's events. How could the New England Patriots blow 18-0 by losing the Championship Game of the NFL to the New York friggin' Giants?

I will admit a certain fandom of the Pats. But, more than that, I am a fan of greatness. And a 19-0, NFL Champion Patriots team would have represented greatness. All-time greatest, in fact. Screw your arguments for the Lombardi Packers. Sorry. If the Pats had won, they would have gone down as the greatest professional football team ever.

Alas, it is not to be.

Let's face it, the Giants whupped the Pats in every phase of the game. Their offense did enough against the vaunted Patriot D. They won the field position battle in the punting game. And their defense, especially their front four, absolutely had their way with the heretofore unstoppable Patriot offense.

And now we can look forward to Eli showing up in as many commercials as Peyton.

Kill me now.

Suicide bombing in Israel

For the first time in more than a year, a Palestinian militant blew himself, and as many Israelis as he could, to little bits. This time it was in a shopping district in Dimona - coincidentally the home of Israel's nuclear facility.

The wall between Israel and the Palestinian territories seems to be doing its job, as this deluded cretin, and his accomplice, who was blown out of his socks by police, appears to have come over the much more porus border with Egypt. Israeli authorities are concerned that a number of militants used the recent chaos at the Gaza-Egypt border to sneak into Egypt. From there, they would be able to easily explot the long, impossible-to-control Israel-Egypt line.

In Gaza, the families of the murderers passed out sweets to celebrate their relatives homicidal activities while people danced in the streets.

And in other news from the area, Egyptian troops tried to seal off the badly breached border fence with Gaza, as the Egyptians try to get a grip on the border crossing which has turned into the Palestinian version of the Cincinnatti Who concert in recent days. Hamas, who's leaders have probably not yet finished the copies of How to Win Friends and Influence People, is pursuing an interesting path towards legitimzing their role as governors of Gaza.

I try to be charitable. I really do. But reading stories like these make it very difficult for me to find sympathy for the average Palestinian. Their lot in life is, for the most part, crap. They've been repeatedly shafted and relentlessly used by their own leadership and that of the larger Arab and Islamic world, and hope for them is nearly non-existent. But, by the same token, they've allowed themselves to be put in this position and, after 60 years, they have produced no credible alternative to the thugs and criminals who currently pass themselves off as "Palestinian leaders". So, who's really to blame for where they are?

Some Jewish for ya

Jewbilation (n.) Pride in finding out that one's favorite celebrity is Jewish.

Torahfied (n.) Inability to remember one's lines when called to read from the Torah at one's Bar or Bat Mitzvah. (OR from the Hagadah at Passover)

Santa-shmanta (n.) The explanation Jewish children get for why they celebrate Hanukkah while the rest of the neighbors celebrate Christmas.

Matzilation (v.) Smashing a piece of matzo to bits while trying to butter it.

Bubbegum (n.) Candy one's mother gives to her grandchildren that she never gave to her own children.

Chutzpapa (n.) A father who wakes his wife at 4:00 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper.

Deja Nu ( n.) Having the feeling you've seen the same exasperated look on your mother's face, but not knowing exactly when.

Disoriyenta (n.) When Aunt Linda gets lost in a department store and strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes.

Goyfer (n.) A Gentile messenger.

Hebort (v.) To forget all the Hebrew one ever learned immediately after one's Bar or Bat Mitzvah.

Jewdo (n.) A traditional form of self-defense based on talking one's way out of a tight spot.

Mamatzah Balls (n.) Matzo balls that are as good as your mother used to make.

Meinstein - slang. 'My son, the genius!'

Mishpochadots (n.) The assorted lipstick and make-up stains found on one's face and collar after kissing all one's aunts and cousins at a reception.

Re-shtetlement (n.) Moving from Brooklyn to Miami and finding all your old neighbors live in the same condo building as you.

Rosh Hashana-na-na (n.) A rock 'n roll band from Jewish Brooklyn.

Yidentify (v.) To be able to determine Jewish origins of celebrities, even though their names might be St. John, Curtis, Davis or Taylor.

Minyastics (n.) Going to incredible lengths and troubles to find a tenth person to complete a Minyan.

Feelawful (n.) Indigestion from eating Israeli street food, especially falafel.

Dis-kvellified (v.) To drop out of law school, med. school or business school as seen through the eyes of parents, grandparents and Uncle Sid. In extreme cases, simply choosing to major in art history when Irv's son David is majoring in biology is sufficient grounds for dis-kvellification.

Kinders Shlep (v.) To transport other kids besides yours in your car.

Shofarsogut (n.) The relief you feel when, after many attempts, the shofar is finally blown at the end of Yom Kippur.

Happy Birthday Curmudgeon!

Hey Curmudgeon!

It's your birthday and as a gift I give you a little bit of information:

351 days left of the Bush "Administration"

You may be getting older, but that light at the end of the tunnel
is not your approaching death,
it's a new hope for America.

Happy Birthday, my brother!

--Walt Whitman

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Today's ha-ha

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, "Stop making love down there!"

"What's the matter with you?" the husband said when the sailor climbed down. '"We weren't making love."

"Sorry," said the sailor, "From up there it looked like you were."

Every morning thereafter, the sailor scaled the same tree and yelled the same thing. Finally the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top.

The husband says to himself, "By golly he's right! It DOES look like they're making love down there!"

The craziest ad you'll see today

Back in the days when smoking was good for you, Camel bragged that more doctors smoked Camels than any other brand. I am TOTALLY not making this up:

Lost is back, and I'm still hooked

Saw my TiVo'd season premier of Lost late last night, and my addicition is back in full force. I won't bore you with theories or questions or detailed analysis. I'll just point you to a post from good ol' Keith, full of good questions, and a link to LostEasterEggs, the best site I've found for screen caps and anecdotal goodies (without going over the edge into full-blown psycho stalkerdom).

I'm so confused, and I'm disappointed that this season is likely to be cut short by the writer's strike. However, since the series now has a end date, I'm relieved to know that there will be an end, and most of the answers are coming.

Daily YouTube: I may have to start watching Kimmel

My appreciation for Kimmel, girlfriend Sarah Silverman, and Matt Damon has gone up 100%. This is laugh-out-loud, spit-your-coffee-across-the-desk hysterical.

MAJOR warning. This was on late-night TV for a reason. No kids allowed. You've been warned.

New, utterly revolting terror tactic

By now, you've no doubt read about the latest atrocity (FAR too mild a word) committed by Iraqi terrorists. Two women with Down syndrome were strapped up with explosives, sent into Baghdad markets, and blown to bits (along with more than 70 passers-by) via remote control.

Mentally disabled women used as unwilling suicide bombers. Shall we count up the number of horrific, morally bankrupt points which show up in that statement? I get at least six.

Dear God. I don't know what to say. I am so speechless that I really wrestled with even writing this post. What can I possibly say that will accurately convey my horror, disbelief, revulsion, and anger at this cowardly, morally bankrupt act? There IS nothing I can say which will do my sentiments, or those of any human, any justice.

The terrorists, presumably AQ or a franchisee, claim to be doing God's work. I believe God is keeping track of acts committed in His name. The bill will come due for these miserable cretins in time.

When does the Enniskillen moment come in Iraq? When does AQ commit an act so repugnant, so cowardly, and so shocking that it turns their support base against them? If this isn't it, then God help us all.