Monday, March 31, 2008

The most shocking sex scandal ever

Max Mosely, president of Fédération Internationale de l'Automobile (FIA), the governing body of Formula 1, was recently captured on video in a Nazi fetish orgy with five hookers.

I'll give you a moment to compose yourself after reading that last sentence. Pretty unbelievable, huh?

Max's dad, it turns out, was Sir Oswald Mosely, the leader of the British Union of Fascists. Lovely.

I'll give old Max this much: If you're going to destroy your career in a sex scandal, you may as well floor the accelerator (if you'll pardon the pun).

Attention: Future public figures involved in sex scandals! You now have the gold standard for such things. Attempt to surpass this one, if you dare!

Today's funny ha-ha

Sorry for the lax posting lately. I've been commuting to Ft. Worth (120 miles round trip), and Blogger has been giving me problems, killing what little free time I have.

At any rate, a few doozies from the Homeland for you today.


Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream is now available in Israel in the following flavors:

- Wailing Wallnut
- Moishemellow
- Mazel Toffee
- Chazalnut
- Oy Ge-malt
- Mi Ka-mocha
- Bernard Malamint
- Berry Pr'i Hagafen
- Choc-Eilat Chip
- Simchas T'Oreo

It should be noted that all of these flavors come in either a cup or a Cohen.......

Number 2:

Leah gives 25 cents to her daughter Sarah. The little girl goes outside and returns ten minutes later without the coin. Wondering what she has done with the money, Leah asks, "Where is the quarter I gave you, my darling?"

"I gave it to an old lady," says Sarah.

"Oh, I'm so proud of you Sarah. That's a very important mitzvah you did. Tomorrow I am going to give you a dollar."

Sure enough, the next day, Leah gives Sarah a whole dollar and she returns a little while later without the bill.

"What did you do with the dollar today Sarah?"

"Today I saw the same old lady," begins Sarah as her mother beams at her, "and I gave her a whole dollar for an even bigger ice cream. I love performing the mitzvah of eating ice cream."

And numero tres:

"I'm getting operated on tomorrow."

"Oh? What are they going to do?"

"Circumcise me!"

"I had that done when I was just a few days old."

"Does it hurt?"

"I couldn't walk for a year!"

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

A Little Slice of Satan for the Kids!

My son has been telling me that he has seen the devil on TV. When I reminded him that our family doesn't believe in the devil, he told me that I had to watch Oobi. And so I did. My God, evil does exist in this world.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Daily YouTube: Safer? Yes. Safe? Um, not so much...

Airbags for motorcycle riders. I think you're kidding yourself if you believe this is going to make motorcycles safer, but what do I know?

Not that Israelis are paranoid...

Reporters CNN Journalist Christianne Amanpour and Former CBS Journalist Dan Rather, and an Israeli sergeant were all captured by terrorists in Iraq. The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan, so I'd like one last bowlful of hot spicy chili." The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."

Christianne Amanpour said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end." The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Amanpour dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."

The leader turned and said, "And now, Mr. Israeli tough guy, what is your final wish?"

"Kick me," said the soldier.

"What?" asked the leader? "Will you mock us in your last hour?"

"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me," insisted the Israeli.

So the leader shoved him into the open and kicked him.

The soldier went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from under his flak jacket, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he jumped to his knapsack, pulled out his carbine and sprayed the terrorists with gunfire. In a flash, all terrorists were either dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the soldier was untying Rather and Amanpour, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them in the beginning? Why did you ask them to kick you first?"

"What?" replied the Israeli, "And have you two schnooks report that I was the aggressor?!"

What it means when you "buy" an e-book

From Gizmodo the other day: Four students at Columbia Law School are examining your resale and copying rights when it comes to e-books you buy for your Kindle or Sony Reader.

The short version appears to be thus: You are no longer buying a book. Instead, you are buying a license (a rather restricted one) to the intellectual property which comprises the book.

The difference is subtle, but important.

Buying a paper-and-glue, physical book implicitly gives you the right to basically do whatever you want with it. Read it 47 times, loan it to your friends, use it to chock the wheels of your '73 Nova, or hock it on Ebay - it is, to a very great extent, up to you. You own the book.

Buying a license to an e-book isn't the same thing. You can still read the book 47 times (or 47,000 times) - that part doesn't change. However, you can no longer loan it out or resell it.

What the boys and girls at Columbia are working on is this: Is it legal? Is the fine print on the transaction enforceable?

The answer seems to be yes and no.

It hasn't been tested in court, but there seems to be a compelling argument that the transaction legally "looks" more like the sale of a good rather than a license. If that's the case, "users will retain their rights to resell the copy".

Yay, right? Not so fast...

It may turn out that you still wouldn't be able to reproduce your copy (i.e.; copy the file to a flash drive and hand it over), an act which is, legally, the same thing as Xeroxing your beat-up edition of Cujo.

So, where does all this leave us? I don't know. Its stuff like this (along with the obvious v1.0 technology questions) which makes me hold off on the Kindle. These issues will get sorted out, but it's difficult to see how the consumer doesn't get screwed in the end.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Daily YouTube: Dallas Center for the Performing Arts

Another example of your (not my) tax dollars at work - the super-spectacular neat-a-roo Dallas Center for the Performing Arts, opening Fall of 2009.

Monday, March 17, 2008

I know what my son and I are doing this summer!

Dude -- seriously -- this looks awesome!!

If I wore panties, I would imagine that they would be wet right now.

Just imagine if you put Walt Whitman in the suit -- oh the possibilities!

ABBA drummer dies in the garden

In a very Spinal Tap-esque moment, former ABBA drummer Ola Brunkert managed to creatively kill himself in a somewhat bizarre gardening accident over the weekend.

Apparently, he managed to crash thru a window with his melon, then sliced his neck on the glass shards. Spanish authorities (he lived in the south of Spain) are calling it an accident.

But, one can't help but remember how John "Stumpy" Pepys bought it, and wonder if it isn't something about drummers...

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Daily YouTube: Munich 1972

The post from the other day regarding Olympic terrorism brought to mind the grand-daddy of 'em all - Munich 1972.

The perfect storm of guilt-wracked host country (Germany), incredible daring on the part of the terrorists (Black September was pure evil, but this operation was cold, rational genius), official incompetence, total lack of preparation by everyone involved except the Palestinians, Western arrogance and ineptitude, media frenzy, more than a bit of latent anti-Semitism, and a heapin' helping of Murphy's Law; it all combined to make for the most tragic event in Olympic history.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

The ultimate "Lost" spoiler?

This site, which is a rather long read, may or may not have figured out the central mystery of Lost.

It's confusing as you-know-what, but what did you expect? It sounds plausible; it may actually be the whole enchilada.

Or it may be a bunch of horse hockey.

Chinese Islamic fanatics looking to go to The Show

The Chinese, about to host this summer's Olympics, are sweating a domestic terrorist threat. The insurgents/rebels/terrorists (its all perspective, isn't it?) are ethnic Uighurs from Xinjiang, in the far west of China, and represent the East Turkestan Islamic Movement (ETIM).

While this sounds like a punchline out of Monty Python's Life of Brian, these guys are quite serious. It ain't easy running a domestic terror campaign in a police state, but ETIM has managed to be a minor thorn in the Chinese side for some time now.

Much as the Chinese see the August Olympics as a chance to show their stuff on the world stage, ETIM is apparently gearing up for their own events in the International Terror Games, where most of the records are currently held by the Palestinians of Black September.

This promises to be a most interesting chess match. China has been working towards the Olympics for years, clearly intending for the Games to showcase the new-and-improved People's Republic. A successful Olympic fortnight represents huge (HUGE) political and economic gains for Hu Jintao and company. Similarly, a terrorist event of any kind brings shame and enormous loss of faith for the entire nation, not to mention a ton of instant street cred for whoever pulls of the successful attack.

The reality is, in today's world, any major international gathering, and especially the Olympics, are going to be the highest of high-stakes contests between security services and freedom fighters/terrorists/fanatics of every stripe

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Daily YouTube: The gayest song of all time

From, the 50 gayest songs of all time. Numero uno on the the big gay list: ABBA's Dancing Queen.

Yep, it's on my mp3 player. So?

Still more snow

After a VERY mild winter, we get an early March snowstorm of quite major (by North Texas standards, anyway) proportions.

The kids will enjoy this one!

Fascinating photo of Helen Keller as young girl

From MSNBC today: Here's a photo of young Helen Keller and her teacher, Anne Sullivan, taken in 1888. This would be less than a year after Keller and Sullivan's big breakthru, wherein then-7-year-old Helen first comprehended the meaning of language (the big "water" scene from The Miracle Worker - you know you saw it)

I am fascinated by this picture and what it represents. Since I was a little kid, the story of Helen Keller has interested me. I cannot even begin to imagine what it would be like to be 5, 6, 7 years old, with no way to communicate, isolated in a dark and silent world. How breathtaking must it have been to suddenly "get it", or to watch her make the connection between words and things.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is called "adding a bit or perspective to your day".

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

My Childhood/My Issues

I've been having a lot of problems in my personal life lately. I've been talking with (and paying) a nice lady psych, and she has helped me identify much of why I am so fraught with problems:

It accounts for so much really.
Don't blame the parents.
Blame the Pufnstuf.

The balloon tank meets its match

A little Photoshop, and voila, an even more-humorous balloon tank.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Funny campaign button

This cracked me up.

I was overcome by indecision and did not exercise my right/privellage/obligation today, by the way. I am ashamed. But I can't decide. This has never happened to me before.

The state of our world today

This is the most depressing thing I've seen today.

Daily YouTube: Apollo 11

Since there's space news to be had today, I thought we'd step back and take a look at the single biggest achievement in human history: Apollo 11.

It's sad to realize it's been almost 40 years since we've managed something as big as this.

Martian avalanche caught on camera

Now, THIS is COOL. Cameras on NASA's Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter caught a series of avalanches in progress near the Martian North Pole.

It's probably not a surprise that avalanches occur on Mars, but it's beyond awesome to actually see one. At least, it is to me...

The Greatest Song in the World?

I don't know what it is -- I just can't get this song out of my head lately. I guess it is the Greatest Song in the World (doesn't sound anything like this song).

Maybe now I can live my life accordingly.

The balloon tank

Hans Hemmart's quite amazing balloon sculpture.

Monday, March 03, 2008

Snow in North Texas

Well, this hardly ever happens, esp not in March. Yet here is photographic evidence...

Daily YouTube: Crosswinds are not your friend

Gee, I can hardly wait to get on an airplane again...

Life is going to be hard for this guy

This figures, doesn't it?

What about Russell Edson?

Russell Edson is a poet who speaks to you through your dreams. My friend, Dr. Fishbag, handed me a copy of The Reason Why The Closet Man is Never Sad and told me that this poet was actually me, but with better hand writing. Taken aback, I asked Fishbag "If this poet has better hand writing, will he be more profound?" Fishbag looked me dead in the eye and said, "Of course." And that made all the difference.

The Wounded Breakfast

A huge shoe mounts up from the horizon, squealing and grinding forward on small wheels, even as a man sitting to breakfast on his veranda is suddenly engulfed in a great shadow, almost the size of the night . . . He looks up and sees a huge shoe ponderously mounting out of the earth. Up in the unlaced ankle-part an old woman stands at a helm behind the great tongue curled forward; the thick laces dragging like ships' rope on the ground as the huge thing squeals and grinds forward; children everywhere, they look from the shoelace holes, they crowd about the old woman, even as she pilots this huge shoe over the earth . . . Soon the huge shoe is descending the opposite horizon, a monstrous snail squealing and grinding into the earth . . . The man turns to his breakfast again, but sees it's been wounded, the yolk of one of his eggs is bleeding . . .

And it only gets better the longer it sits in your lap. Edson turns our nightmares into beautiful pieces of succulent melon. He understands that everything in our lives, from the trip to the mall to a bowl of cereal, is fraught with the absurd. As we desperately try to make meaning of our lives, Edson points out clearly that it is a fool's game and ultimately we will be swolled by randomness.

The Family Monkey

We bought an electric monkey, experimenting rather recklessly with funds carefully gathered since grandfather's time for the purchase of a steam monkey. We had either, by this time, the choice of an electric or gas monkey. The steam monkey is no longer being made, said the monkey merchant. But the family always planned on a steam monkey. Well, said the monkey merchant, just as the wind-up monkey gave way to the steam monkey, the steam monkey has given way to the gas and electric monkeys. Is that like the grandfather clock being replaced by the grandchild clock? Sort of, said the monkey merchant. So we bought the electric monkey, and plugged its umbilical cord into the wall. The smoke coming out of its fur told us something was wrong. We had electrocuted the family monkey.

This sort of stuff doesn't just come from nowhere. This is a complex realization of how we interact with each other, but more importantly, how we interact with ourselves. Nothing points a finger in your own face more than an electric monkey, after all.

Do yourself a favor and go out and by The Tunnel, which is a collection of Edson's poetry.

Now kiss me on the head and tell me good-night.

Sunday, March 02, 2008


Madeleine McCann - still missing

The sad, sad story of young Madeleine McCann is right where it has been for months.

The Portuguese local cops may or may not have completely screwed up the initial investigation, the Portuguese national police may or may not have further blown it, Madeleine's parents, Gerry and Kate McCann, may or may not have had something to do with the young girl's disappearance, and, 10 months after she disappeared from that Portuguese seaside resort, no one knows where Madeleine McCann is or what happened to her.

MSNBC has a long story about events during those weeks in May 2007 and since. They have spoken with a longtime FBI profiler who has extensive experience in these sorts of cases and got his opinion. The facts and opinion seem to lean towards a person unknown making off with little Madeleine as she slept, rather than meeting some sort of nefarious fate at the hands of her parents. In addition, the evidence seems to point to a police bungling of monumental proportions.

Whatever the story really is, and whether or not we ever learn what that story is, this story remains a tragedy in every sense of the word. It seems pretty clear that Madeleine is not coming home. I look at the banner on the left side of this blog, and I wonder if I should take it down. I have been unable to bring myself to do so yet, but it continues to trouble me every time I look at it.

Whoever was involved in Madeleine's disappearance, and whatever your role in it, as well as all those who are guilty of other crimes against young children, whether it be for profit, by accident, or to satisfy your own sick and demented wants and needs - I believe there is a particularly unpleasant sub-basement of Hell reserved just for you. Whoever you are, and for whatever reason you did what you did, all I have to say to you is: Enjoy your stay.

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Funny Jessica Simpson news

Wilonsky, the only Jewish man on Earth who looks good bald, has a post on Unfair Park from yesterday, which includes big news about Jessica Simpson's fame in Ukraine.

While this is funny on it's own, Wilonsky makes it even funnier. Go read. Is good.