Not much really drives me nuts, but…

Now that the NFL has returned (and, with it, the much-anticipated CIT weekly college and pro football picks), I have been subjected to the two words in the English language which make me the craziest:

Da. Boyz.

This artificial nickname for the Dallas Cowboys, a joint by-product of an early 90s Saturday Night Live bit the white man’s need to sound “street”, raises my blood pressure instantly. Its like a red cape to a bull. When I hear it or read it, my teeth gnash of their own volition.

Dallas is really a terrible sports town. It’s the home of the front-runner, the band-wagoner, and the knee-jerk over-reactor. Sudden expertism and sports obliviousness run rampant. Everyone from the 20 year old receptionist at your dentist to the guy changing your oil to your neighbor Bob has a theory on why the Cowboy offense grinds to a halt in the red zone, and an opinion about who should be the weak-side linebacker in the nickel.

I have, over the course of the past 15 years or so, gone from Cowboy fan to Cowboy hater, back to fan, and now find myself mostly disinterested. I enjoy Sundays as much as the next guy, but the during-the-week knee-jerking, and hot sports opinions from the great sports-unwashed absolutely drain my will to live.

What set me off on this mini-rant? I just got an invitation to a game-watching party (INSTANT red flag – do any real sports fans go to “watching parties”?) to view “Da Boyz vs the Deadskins” on Sunday.

My options after receiving the email: Slip into a six-month coma, or go rail on the Internet. So here I am. Thanks for listening!

Stay sportsy, my friends

Oh so much to talk about here in Sportsville. I have been neglectful. But no more. Onward!


Rangers

Our formerly-red-shoed Rangers have done the near-impossible this season. They have kept us entertained past the start of the regular NFL season. This has never, to my thinking, happened before.

So much to be excited about regarding this team! Young pitchers who throw hard as hell, and who seem to know how to pitch as well. Young position players who can play their positions, hit reasonably well, run the bases (some blazingly fast). A nice mix of veterans to provide some wisdom.

And, at the head of it all, the Old-Skool Brother, Ron Washington.

Can it be? It's late Sept and I really should be back in school. Er, no. Not what I meant. It's late Sept and and we are still waxing rhapsodic about the Texas Rangers? We are. This has been the most entertaining baseball season I have experienced since the Red Sox of 1986.

Thank you, Nolan Ryan, Jon Daniels, and the rest. If Big Dumb Tom can sell the team to someone with some dough, next year may be even better.


University of Texas football

I've got the same feeling I had at the start of the season in 2005. Remember, I didn't start to get totally on board until after the Ohio State game that year. This year's schedule holds no similar out-of-conference test, so it will be Oct 17th's annual showdown with Oklahoma before I start to mention the "C" word (not THAT "C" word, you pervert) around here. But the cards seem to be falling into the right places, don't they?

By the way, did you see McCoy complete that pass to Shipley aboard a boat going 45 mph on the telecast this past weekend? Whoever thought that little stunt up needs to be keelhauled. Have you ever tried to stand in a small boat at speed? It ain't easy, and I thought it would not have taken much to knock Shipley right over the side. Maybe he was strapped in or something, but, man, I cringed!

At any rate, this season is off to a good start. That's all I'm saying right now.


Cowboys

Um, oh dear. Uh-oh? Maybe? I dunno.

I missed the opener against Tampa Bay, but it seems like it was a good one. However, I think we're seeing Tampa Bay is one of the worst teams in the league.

The Giants are clearly one of the best, and the Cowboys did seem to have the upper hand throughout the game. But...

But what's up with this Wade Phillips defense? There has been minimal pressure, even when they bring six guys. What happened to the swarming, scary-ass defense we saw at times down the stretch last year? Were Greg Ellis and Kevin Burnett really that important? I will certainly go on record as saying Kevin Burnett is a MUCH more attractive option than Bobby Carpenter. How is that guy still on this team?

The Cowboy defense looked a lot like it did in the doldrums of the Pear-Shaped Football Genius' tenure - unable to make a stop, unable to make tackles, and unable to get off the field when it really matters.

But what's up with Romo? Did he just have a one-game brain fart? Or his inconsistency becoming a consistent? It's feast or famine with this guy - he doesn't have many so-so games. And history is beginning to suggest the bigger the stage, the more likely he's going to toss out a clunker. When do we call it a trend?

The running game looks to be, potentially, something serious. Barber is hurt already, which isn't good. But it seems mild, and I thought the Cowboys could have had 300 yards plus if they had just kept running it.

The new kickoff guy seems to have worked out. The last time a Cowboy reached the end zone off a tee, he was holding a 1-iron, so it was good to see a few kickoffs get into the neighborhood. Still, a punter and two kickers? Wouldn't you really rather have another left tackle on the roster?

And let's talk for just a moment about the colossal, shiny Cowboys Stadium in Arlington, shall we? I absolutely LOVE The Ticket's nickname for it: The Death Star. I hope it sticks. It's perfect. In a world turning more Idiocracy by the minute, the Death Star only speeds us on our way to a Costco world. Sure, its a showplace. Sure, its going to get TONS of positive press. But do we really need 100,000 people crammed into a stadium to watch a football game on the world's largest TV screen? Personally, I am embarrassed by the place. It's too much for me. And it's in Arlington.

That last bit did sound a bit good-old-days-ish, didn't it? Maybe a bit curmudgeonly? Well, too bad. Look at the title bar of this blog, you ninny.

And now that I have managed to disparage both Jerry Jones and my readership, I bid you a fond farewell.

Aloha, Spicolli.

Daily YouTube: Cosby's Fiesta Bowl-winning TD

Here is the first play in Texas' march to the 2009 National Championship:

BCS National Champeenship

It's 7-7 at halftime, which means I have to stick with it. I have not got anywhere near enough sleep this week - I was hoping for a blowout!

My two grumpy, sleep-deprived observations:

1. I'm sorry, but marching bands are gay. The OU band's "Pinball Wizard" had me torn between laughter and vomit.

2. U of F's "When did you become a Gator" ad campaign is extremely silly.

And, just to complete my curmudgeonly misery, Crabtree's last-minute TD against Texas is the Pontiac Game Changing Performance of the Year. Dang it.

Texas 24 - Ohio State 21

I'm naming my next child Colt Quan Elkin.

Cowboys - Eagles

Romo just fumbled, leading to an Eagle TD return. At 34-3, I am ready to fire everybody. Coaches, players, Brad & Babe. Everyone.

What a choke. What a bunch of underachievers. I am disgusted. I am also turning the game off.

Another gloomy Monday in Sportsville

The Cowboys spit the bit like champs yesterday, blowing a 10 point lead in the last 8 minutes to lose to the Steelers 20-13.

What a life-force drainer this one was.

While the defense seems to improve with each passing game, special teams remain in the toilet, the offense swings wildly from great to horrible, Romo swings wildly from Jedi Master to erratic, and sideline chaos becomes more of a factor each week.

You can't ask more of a defense than what we witnessed for three and half quarters yesterday. Pressure? Yep. Outstanding coverage? Check. Hard-hitting, near-maniacal play from the linebackers? Got that too.

The only thing the defense lacked was the legs to finish. And its hard to blame them, as the offense and special teams put them in bad situation after bad situation.

The defense played well enough yesterday to win this game or any other you care to name.

While Tashard Choice turned in an exceptional performance in his first start, and exceeded everyone's expectations, we now have to question Marion Barber's toughness. I know that's easy to do from the warmth and cushiness of my couch, and I don't want to meet him in a parking lot after writing this, but EVERYONE expected him to play. What's up with that?

However, I don't know that it would have made any difference if Barber had been in there. Choice did fine, and I doubt Walter Payton could have overcome the outrageous mistakes made by Romo and the rest of the "skill" players.

Romo threw two of the worst looking interceptions you'll ever see, and the third (actually, the first sequentially) was a direct result of TO Owens giving up on a route. Witten made mistakes (where did that come from?), Williams made mistakes, Crayton was his usual non-factor, and it added up to a lot of missed opportunities.

Can someone tell me what the hell the coaches are coaching? I haven't seen such chaos on the field since Kent State (that was dark, no?). Romo looks like my son's 2nd grade teacher, directing confused children to their proper places. How the hell do two key players on opposite sides of the ball (Romo and Henry) try to call a 4th time-out in the first half? And what on Earth is up with 12 men on the field on a crucial third down? Wade seems to have lost complete control of this team. What is going on down there?

And a word about the special teams: DISASTER!

It's nut-cuttin' time now, friends. The Cowboys have to win out, and pray for help. This bunch has a good chance of becoming the most disappointing team in DFW sports history. Think for a moment about what that encompasses, and tell me I'm wrong.

Saturday morning scattershooting

Scattershooting while wondering whatever happened to Tony "Thrill" Hill...

- Some poor bastard got "Cincinnatti Who'd" at a Wal-Mart in Valley Stream NY yesterday. Then the crowd got pissed because the store was closing. Suburban NY is not for the faint-of-heart, man.

- Speaking of sorry, sorry humans, those a-holes who shot up Mumbai seem to have finally lost. I guess blasting away in the sub-continent allows Muslim fanatics to check a lot of items off their lists: Jews? Check. Western tourists? Check. Cow-worshipping heathens? Check. Sowing third-world panic? Check. What a bonanza, huh?

- Around the Horn of Africa, Somali pirates are still at it. Most recent victim is a chemical tanker. I just find it hard to believe these characters are as effective as they are. How do a bunch of frickin' goat herders in speedboats capture a super-tanker? Shouldn't the tanker driver be able to floor it and keep going? Boarding a ship in-motion on the high seas is not an easy thing to do, or so I've heard. If said ship is doing 15 knots and throwing up a massive wake, it seems like it would be pretty near impossible, wouldn't it. I guess the threat of an RPG through the windshield is somewhat intimidating, but those things aren't easy to fire from a bobby little speedboad either. Just don't get it.

- In yet more happy Africa news, Nigerians are killing each other yet again. This time it's over which religous-affiliated political party won elections. Good thing the world economy doesn't depend on Nigeria for oil or anything like that. Er, wait a minute...

- On a much lighter note, there's yet ANOTHER monster college football game in the Big 12 tonight. OU vs. Okie State has all sorts of possible ripple effects, and the entire south Plains will be tuned in, including usn's at the CIT Compound. This season, already the greatest ever, just keeps getting better.

Boomer. Sooner.

Wow, what an ass-kicking THAT was. I expected Oklahoma to win, and win convincingly, but I never imagined 65-21.

If we assume everyone wins out, I think you have to take the Sooners for the Big 12 Championship game, and the National Title. I hate to say it, but I just don't see how Texas squeaks into things now. That was too big a whuppin'.

What a bummer, too. I was looking forward to a good game. Not a total snoozer like that.

Update from Sportsville

Editor's Note: This was written last Sunday, prior to Cowboys-Redskins. I'm not sure that changes anything. Just thought you should know.

I need to apologize to all my fans.

I have let you down. I have let myself down. My blogging has been HORRIBLE this football season. If you were to take a peek into the chaos that is the inside of my melon, you might cut me some slack.

Well, some of you might cut me some slack.

OK, none of you would cut me any slack whatsoever. In fact, you'd likely give me a lot more grief than you have.

I feel guilty for abandoning you during one of the greatest college football seasons ever in the history of ever. I've forced you to turn to the likes of Frank DeFord, Rick Reilly, and other ink-stained wretches for your sports insight. What have any of THOSE guys ever done?

I'm so sorry.

My goodness, what a season it has been in D-1 college football, hasn't it? Any debate left regarding the identity of the premier football conference in the land? I didn't think so. You can have your SEC, which is still a fine conference full of outstanding teams. I will take that Big Twelve Conference, if you don't mind. This has been the first weekend since late Sept when there wasn't a titanic clash of national powers somewhere on the Plains, and the pace picks right back up next Sat night in Norman. The delicious scenario of a three-way tie for the Big 12 South looms likely, as I am betting both my kidneys and all of my lungs (what?) on Oklahoma to beat Tech.

I mean, come on. If you're gambling major organs, who do you trust more? Stoops, or that pirate guy?

The poll, bowl, and Championship scenarios are too many, and too complex, for my simple little pea-brain to grasp. All I know is this could be precedent-setting, historical, and a hell of a lot of fun.

And thank the sweet, sweet Creator of Us All we have D-1 college football to hold our attention. Because the local pro sports scene is the worst it has EVER been.

The Rangers are dead, buried, forgotten, etc for the rest of the year, giving us some measure of relief from that misery. However, the boys of Autumn and Winter are faring no better.

The Mavericks? My God, has a window ever slammed shut with so much force and finality as the Mavericks' championship opportunity? This team SUCKS. Somewhere, Avery Johnson is doing shots of Tabasco sauce, soaking his feet in pots of jambalaya, and laughing his New Orleans ass off. The Kidd trade was a disaster, and we're only now seeing just how big a disaster it was. Cuban has proven to be far too much of a player's owner. Donnie Nelson is hiding under his desk, attempting to avoid the public and thus blame for this mess. Dirk is sitting in a massive leather wing chair in his darkened map room, wearing only BVDs and a helmet with a spike on it, taking the occasional slug from a bottle of schnapps, and wondering how his career turned into such a mess. And Rick Carlyle is trying to remember why this job looked like a good idea 4 months ago.

The Mavericks are done. They will not be good again for at least 5 years. The only question worth pondering right now is what does Dirk have to do to get into the Hall of Fame without a ring.

Sad.

The Stars are no better, although it's harder to figure out what the heck has happened at the StarCenter in Frisco. What, exactly, is different this year? Were the now-departed spares like Matty Norstrom so important?

I have no idea. However, it seems like a coaching change may be enough to spark this bunch. I hate to say that, as Tippett hasn't done anything really badly, and he's a stand-up guy. However, for whatever reason, he seems to have lost his room. A new voice may be what's needed. The talent seems to be here – last year's playoff run would sorta indicate it, I think. I see reasons to hope for the Stars, but something has to be done to shake the thing up before it's too late.

And the Cowboys? The biggest disappointment of them all, and the most unexpected. We should know pretty quick tonight whether there is anything left to look forward to this season. If the Cowboys can come out, slow the Redskins a bit, and get the ball down the field some, things may be OK. If we get a whole bunch of drops and Marion Barber 2 yard dive plays, and a couple of three-and-outs, I think we're done.

How were we fooled so badly? How did this team, which looked so good at times last year and early this year, implode so quickly and so completely? How did the coach respected as a defensive visionary fail to build a competent defense out of so many high draft picks and expensive free agents?

It has been more than 30 years since Dallas was completely shut out of the playoffs in every major sport. I fear that streak is about to end.

Not dead, but wishing death upon others

Hello, fans of CIT. I am back. No excuses.

What prompts a post after lo these many weeks of silence? I'm shocked you need ask. If NYG 35 - Cowboys 14 doesn't get me riled, then I am truly beyond hope.

What an ace-whippin'! I am horrified by what I witnessed this afternoon. This team quit, and didn't care who knew it. Mike Jenkins' total give-up on Derrick Ward's final TD was only the most visible instance - the whole defense clearly stopped giving a crap in the third quarter.

If I'm Jerry, I'm firing the entire defensive coaching staff, up to and including Wade Phillips, and I'm doing it tomrrow. Hell, maybe on the plane home tonight. I'm not so sure Jason Garrett is everything we thought he was last year, but let's find out. The first thing Garrett should do as head coach is bench half the defense. I know there's no one behind these guys, esp in the secondary, but my God, there have to be some consequences for the gutless display we saw today.

For those of you out there insisting Jerry fire himself or, better yet, sell the team: It isn't going to happen. You may as well insist the sun set in the east tomorrrow.

I was disappointed by UT's loss at Tech last night, but not upset. The 'Horns left it all out there, McCoy was brilliant down the stretch, it just wasn't their night. My reaction to the Cowboy debacle today is 180 degrees different.

45-35!

Number 5 Texas beat number 1 OU convincingly today. Texas' resounding 45-35 victory puts the 'Horns firmly in the driver's seat for the Big 12 championship and allows us to use "national championship" and "Mack Brown" in the same sentence for the first time since the Vince Years.

Next week's showdown with Chase Daniel and the number 3 Missouri Tigers (assuming they take care of business against Okie State tonight) looms huge. Is there any doubt where EPN's College Game Day will be on Oct 18?

And, not least, we can start using the terms "Heisman Trophy" and "Colt McCoy" in the same sentence as well.

VERY exciting!

Football Friday: Texas-OU, 'nuff said

The best weekend of college football is upon us, with many lesser lights also worth a mention. Let's get to it, shall we?

And yes, I know the logo is two years old. It's the best I can find.

Onward!

Colleges

Oklahoma St (+14) @ Missouri
Big stuff in a small town (yes, I've been to Columbia, and I don't recommend it), this one ought to be a shootout. Okie State is not bad at all, but the Tigers have it goin' on. I like Missouri to win, probably by double digits, but I don't know about 14. I'll take the points.

Penn State @ Wisconsin (+6)
Would someone please bury the Nittany Lions? I am so beaten by those third-grade unis and worn-out Joe Pa. Enough. Gimme the Badger Badger Badger Badgers.

Kansas St @ A&M (+3)
I don't think anyone in Vegas has seen the Aggies this year. They barely beat a terrible Army team. Kansas State is no Great friggin' Power, but surely they can beat the lame-o Aggies by more than 3, can't they?

Arizona State (+28) @ USC
It ain't easy being a Sun Devil these days. It probably never is - Tempe is a dump, although Mill Ave has its charms. Regardless, they are a long way from competitive. I wonder how USC will play out the year, but a demolition job here will be a good first step towards redeeming themselves.

Tennessee (+12) @ Georgia
Look no further; here is your Redneck Game of the Week. The SEC has slipped, and Tennessee's demise has been a big part of it. I still love the Big Gay Orange, but Phil is going to have to start paying his players a lot more if he's gonna get competitive again. Georgia mops the floor with the Vols, with a big "wa-hooo" echoing through the empty heads in the stands.

U LA La @ North Texas (+21.5)
Todd Dodge is inquiring about getting his mail forwarded back to Southlake. Poor guy.

OU vs Texas (+6.5)
The Biggie. I can't wait for this one. The Sooners are the better team, Stoops is the better coach, and the stars seem to be in alignment for OU to win and win convincingly. However, Colt McCoy is a one-man army these days. I like the Longhorn defense, although I will readily admit they have seen NOTHING like Bradford & Co. They say never bet with your heart. But, I'm not betting. I'm only running off at the mouth. I like the 'Horns.

Boston University vs the overly large head of Michael Dukakis
I was there during the "Massachusetts Miracle". I knew Lloyd Bentsen and you, sir, are no Lloyd Bentsen. Wait, what?

Pros

Jacksonville (+3.5) @ Denver
Hmm. I like both teams. I really like Cutler, and wish good things for him. However, I think Jacksonville has more. I'll take the Jags.

St Louis (+13.5) @ Washington
The Rams are so bloody awful, but a new coach may give them a bit of life. This is potentially a trap for the Redskins, and I would LOVE to see them step on their weenies. My usual rule is to take 10 points or more when they're given, and I won't break that rule here.

Oakland (+7.5) @ New Orleans
I don't get this. The Rams get nearly two touchdowns at Washington, but the Raiders only get seven and a half at New Orleans? The Saints showed me something against the Vikings the other night, despite the turnovers. Seven and a half is nowhere near enough. Give me the Saints.

NYG @ Cleveland (+7.5)
I keep waiting for Eli to turn into Eli. It will happen. Here? Good a place as any. Go Browns!

Dallas @ Arizona (+5)
The Cowboys will come out and steamroll the Cardinals to silence all the whiners back in Dallas. Adam Jones will have three interceptions and a punt return for a touchdown. All will be right in Cowboyland again next week. Really.

Comedic Value Game of the Week
Not as many choices as usual. This week, usual-CVGW-suspect Detroit is at Minnesota, and the presence of Adrian Petersen gives that game at least a little cred. From here, it looks like Cincinnati @ NYJ is the biggest battle of the inept to be found. The only question is which junior high unis will the Jets be sporting?

Go (insert your team here)!

Football Friday (sorta): I'm Not Quite Dead Yet edition

Oh, what a wacky week it's been since last I posted. I won't bore you with blather. Suffice it to say, little CIT has been pushed WAAAAYYYYY down the priority list for some time now.

However, we are back, and ready for a bit o' prognostication:

Colleges

TCU (+18.5) @ OU
This has the feel of an upset weekend to me. USC gets knocked off on Thurs, and it's just that time of year. I'm not going to predict a TCU victory, but I do think they cover.

Alabama (+7) @ Georgia
Oh, what a treat. A huge rivalry, a clash of SEC titans, AND Redneck Game of the Week all in one. Go out to the still and get TWO Mason-jars-full for this! I think the Tide wins this one, "Men in Black" or not. Go climb that there teler-phone pole, ring up Earlene and her kids, and holler "Roll Tide!" as loud as you can.

Tennessee (+6.5) @ Auburn
Another SEC biggie, and runner-up for Redneck Game of the Week. This one may be even more rural, but it's not as good a game. Auburn wins and covers, but I'm tuning in for this one.

Colorado (+5.5) @ Florida State (well, its in Jacksonville)
You know, the Big XII has, quietly, become the second best football conference in the land. This isn't as much of a mis-match as it sounds. I sorta like Colorado to go out there and defend some honor for the rest of the conference. An upset? Maybe. A dog covering? I think so.

Army (+27) @ A&M
Army may be bad, but A&M has shown nobody nothing (if I may double-negative you - it seems appropriate for the Aggies on several levels) this year. A&M may toss out a worthwhile effort, just because it's at home, it's finally an opponent they outclass, and it's an opportunity for them to redeem themselves slightly. However, I'm going to take the points, as I believe we haven't seen the bottom in College Station yet.

Arkansas (+27) @ Texas
Arkansas is bad. Really bad. I feel terrible for them (NOT!). With the demise of USC, the door is open for everyone. If Texas wants to get into the hunt, a blowout here is a big first step. Gimme the 'Horns.

Boston University vs the corrupt-yet-compelling soul of Vic Mackey
Michael Chiklis, BU School of Fine Arts, Class of 1985 (or so).

Pros

Denver @ KC (+9.5)
My goodness, Kansas City is bad this year. Denver looks like it might have it goin' on. Now that Cutler is all insulined up, he seems to be back on track to be a star in this league. I sorta like this one. Nine and a half is a lot to give in the NFL, but sign me up this time.

Arizona (+1.5) at NY Jets
Beware Kurt Warner? Oh dear, this is indeed a matchup of spare, middle-of-the-pack NFL teams. However, I'd give up a point and a half and take the J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets for a quick payday.

Houston (+7) @ Jacksonville
Houston is becoming the Texas Rangers of the NFL. This team may NEVER get it together. I like Jacksonville, and I like them at home even more. Do I like them seven points worth? Ummm, yeah, I guess.

Baltimore (+5.5) @ Pittsburgh
There might be ten points scored in this game. I think I'd take the Ravens and the under at 34. Now watch Rothlisberger wake up from his coma and pass for 500 yards and 7 TDs...

Washington (+11) @ Dallas
I think the Cowboys win, and I don't think there's much drama. However, 11 points? I wouldn't bet a dime on this game, but since it's play-dough, I'll take the points.

Comedic Value Game of the Week
There's surprisingly few laughers this week. I think it's either Buffalo (whom I sorta like) @ St Louis - any game that involves the Rams has to be considered for CVGW - or Cleveland @ Cincinnati, the battle of the two last places in America I would want to live.

Go (insert your team here)!

Monday Night Football comes to Texas

Lots more to come as we go thru the evening, but let's start with a one-word review of ESPN's version of MNF: Blech! The comparison to NBC's job with the argueably bigger Sunday night game is striking. NBC is nearly understated in comparison. ESPN is so loud and in your face, it's difficult to watch.

7:45 First Eagle drive is impressive so far. McNabb is finding open guys with ease as the Iggles march down the field. A big play by Ware to stop Westbrook in the backfield raises some hope, leading to a big third and three and one of the stranger incomplete passes you'll ever see. The Cowboys are lucky to only give up three on that one.

7:50 Nice return by Felix, wiped out by a holding penalty on Pat Watkins - hope this isn't a sign of things to come. They Cowboys have got to cut down on stupid penalities this week. Starting on the 14. Dammit!

7:54 Third and nine already. Great blocking and a nice catch by TO Owens moves the chains. Run blocking has been non-existent on the first two running plays.

7:56 HUGE TD pass to TO Owens. Beautiful pump fake by Romo springs Owens deep. I could have done without the chest bump w/ frickin' Rowdy, but the sprinter's duck going over the goal line was a good un. Liked the Eagle flap as well. 7-0 Cowboys. Nice, nice start.

8:03 Where is the Cowboy secondary? Everyone McNabb has thrown to has been WIDE open. And two more stupid penalties. Defensive offsides? What the heck is up with that?

8:08, 3:07 left in first quarter - finally a third down, nine to go. McNabb throws his first bad pass of the night and the Iggles have to settle for three. You have to like it - the Cowboy D looked like a sieve for most of that drive.

2:45 PLEASE NO FLAGS! What a frickin' run back by F. Jones. No one touched him! 14-6. YEAH!

2:30 Zach Thomas is everywhere on defense.

1:00 HUGE pass defense by Mike Jenkins. I thought that was six. Forces the punt.

:05 Yet ANOTHER huge play. I was all psyched that Romo somehow avoided the sack, then he throws a terrible pass and gets picked off. And now Henry gets totally JOBBED on that interference call - Greg Lewis grabbed his shirt and pulled him into the contact. It's hard to get too pissed, as the Cowboys have gotten away with two pretty blatant facemasks, but this one puts Philadelphia on the one to start the second quarter.

I'm only typing after big plays, but a quarter in and this game has been FULL of big plays. Yee-hah!

14:55 of the second: What was the O/U on this game? I WISH I had the over. 14-13. This is gonna be a shootout!

14:47 Oh crap. Jones muffs the kickoff and the Cowboys start on the 4. And then Curtis jumps offsides. PENALTIES!

14:41 WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? Romo just drops the ball, can't pick it up, then fumbles again, and it's a Eagle TD. Talk about a momentum swing!! What a brain-dead play by Romo!

14:32 How many big plays can one game have? Now Felix Jones runs the kickoff back 50 the 44. I'm exhausted and we're 30 seconds into the second quarter!

10:02 NICE drive. Exactly what the Cowboys needed. 21-20. Boy, this may be the first one to 100.

7:46 This is the single craziest football game I have EVER seen. DeSean Jackson didn't take the ball into the end zone, but the Cowboys didn't pick it up, so the Eagles get it at the two. I have never seen anything like this in my life. I didn't matter, but it's SHOCKING. 27-21 Eagles.

2:00 More stupid penalities keep the Eagles' drive in business. This is a real issue, but not the biggest problem tonight. The Cowboy defense appears incapable of stopping the Eagles.

Halftime: Holy smokes! The offense looks as good as they ever have, but can this defense stop anything? It sure doesn't look like it so far. The front has got some pressure on McNabb, but so many Cowboys have bounced off him it looks like a 5th grade science fair project on reverse magnetism. I hope Wade is wearing some asses out on on defnse right now. They deserve it.

12:45 After a lackluster series, the Cowboys punt. Let's see if the defense can stop anything. They've got the Eagles on the 16 after a good punt by McBriar.

11:50 They hold, but it took a DeSean Jackson drop and a few missed tackles on Westbrook. A MONSTER punt by the Eagle punter and the Cowboys start around the 20. They need a drive here.

5:08 And a drive is what they produce. HUGE run by Barber (and a near-decking of #22) was the big play, and Romo finishes it off with a beaut to Barber on third and 4. THAT was vintage Cowboys. 31-30 Cowboys. Now they need a defensive stop.

End of 3rd The Cowboy defense STILL can't get McNabb on the ground. And they still can't stop the Eagle offense. Is Pat Watkins an upgrade over Roy Williams? That facemask was stupid, but necessary because he got Williamsed (burnt) so badly.

14:17 in the 4th And they can't tackle Westbrook either. How does a 200 lb guy push over from a yard out without jumping? 37-31 Eagles. Last one with the ball wins.

8:52 McNabb has struggled with handoffs and if finally produces a break for the Cowboys. A fumble recovery gets them started around the 30. This is a big opportunity.

4:35 And they cash in. Cowboys 41-37. Time for the defense to nut up. A stop here and the game is won.

3:23 YES! A stop! Another penalty on the punt, but the Cowboys can run this out. If I'm Wade, I don't want to have to rely on this defense for another start.

1:58 Well so much for that. Yet ANOTHER stupid stupid penalty on Ratliff is going to cost the Cowboys the game. That's 10 penalties in this game. Why this team can't stop making idiot mistakes is just beyond me.

1:23 The front is finally getting some pressure on McNabb. The secondary is doing yeoman's work, keeping the recievers covered up for 10 seconds. 4th down.

1:03 YES! That has to be the ball game, right? How many timeouts does Philadelphia have?

Best regular season game in NFL history? It's the best one I can ever remember seeing. I don't know what was better.

The Cowboys still have to work on those penalties, though.

Football Friday: Ike'd up and ready to go (ROCK ME!)

As we await Ike, the lesser-known 5th Horseman of the Apocalypse, what better way to spend our remaining hours on this Earth than picking football games?

Onward!

Colleges

Washington State (+1) @ Baylor
Good heavens, Baylor is favored. I guess that's what happens when you lose to Cal 66-3 in your opener, as Washington St did last week. Still, it's sorta hard to figure. This game got bumped up to prevent God and His little buddy Ike from messing things up. May be over by now, in fact. I think I will break one of my cardinal rules here and go w/ the Bears.

UNT (+44.5) @ LSU
What is Coach Dodge telling his boys this week? "Guys, if we're lucky, the hurricane will blow right thru Baton Rouge and we won't have to go"? Well, the hurricane disappointed. This promises to be a bass-whipping of dreadful proportions. I hope UNT's cut of the gate is worth it.

SMU (+36.5) @ Texas Tech
The over/under on successful tackles may be around 10 in this game, while the o/u on duration is probably 5 hours. With as many times as these two teams will be throwing, this may be the longest game in the history of college football. In about 3 years, if we're lucky and June Jones isn't the snake-oil salesman I somewhat suspect he is, this may be a great game to watch. Not now. Tech covers.

Georgia @ South Carolina (+7)
Yee-ha! The Redneck Game of the Week is BACK, baby! No shirt, no shoes, no problemo, man! Pack your '77 El Camino full of moonshine and your cousins, even the kissin' cousins, and come on down! Which one will there be more of - yards gained on the field, or original teeth in the stands? Georgia covers, by the way.

Michigan @ Notre Dame (+1.5)
Oh. My. God. The world has truly turned upside down. The state of these two programs makes me question everything I thought I knew. Is passive resistance still effective? Is the atomic weight of carbon still 12? Is red dye #40 still bad for you? Nothing is sure any more. I have no pick, only sadness and dreams of better days in Ann Arbor and South Bend both.

OU @ Washington (+20.5)
Bad things seem to happen to the Sooners in the land of the Pac-10. Sorry, Coach Stoops, but I'm taking the points.

Ohio State (+11) @ USC
One of the few legitimate big games in non-conference. I like OSU's willingness to play the big boys early. Everyone is picking the Trojans to kill 'em. I dunno - I keep thinking USC and, especially, Pete Carroll are just a tad overrated. I'll take the points.

Boston University vs. the 1987 ROTC cadet graduates
Dan Haines (whom I have just re-established contact with after 21 years) and Pat Bomberg combine to pistol-whip the ghost of Pat Mancini, causing a late fumble and score. Raise your hand if you have any idea what I'm talking about.

Pros

New England (+1.5) @ NYJ
The tables have turned, or so it would seem. This is certainly not Tom Brady vs. Chad Pennington. Let's see what Bellichick can pull out of the hood of his silly sweatshirt. I'm taking the Pats until proven wrong.

New Orleans @ Washington (pick)
Someone needs to tell me why this game is pick. What on Earth do the Redskins have? Joe Gibbs hung it up because he saw what was coming this year. I think the Redskins have a chance to be really, really bad. Give me the Saints.

San Diego @ Denver (+1.5)
I think history will show that Phillip Rivers is a choke artist. Dude annoys the crap out of me. As much as I am a Norv Turner fan, and as much as I appreciate what he did for the Cowboys back in the 90s, I don't think much of him as a head coach. Shanahan, with his rodent teeth, will win the coaching battle, and the Broncos will win the game.

Pittsburgh @ Cleveland (+6)
Is Cleveland that bad, or are the Cowboys that good? We'll know more after this one. I would love to see the Browns put a whuppin' on 'em, but I sure wouldn't bet that way. Give me the Steelers.

Philadelphia (+7) @ Dallas
Should be a good early season game. There's a real chance that the Cowboys kill 'em. I think the Cowboys clobbered a so-so Browns team last week, while the Eagles got no test at all from a truly horrible Rams team. I think what we saw from the Cowboys was legit, while what we saw from the Eagles was a mirage. I'll give up 7, not happily, and will hope for a big Romo night.

Comedic Value Game of the Week
As always, so many to choose from. This week's honor goes to Miami @ Arizona. I really wonder what the Phoenix area did to offend God so badly that He sent them the Cardinals?

Go (insert your team here)!

Cowboys - Browns post mortem

It's over enough (1:15 left in the 4th) to jot down some thoughts:

- The only complaint to be found with the offense is penalties. There were a few big, costly ones. Holding, false starts, offensive pass interference (which seemed a bit of a reach to me); a few of these really could have hurt if it were closer.

- Romo looked great, but I have to say I didn't see the elusive gunslinger we saw last year. That's probably a good thing, but he didn't do much to get away from the little pressure Cleveland was able to muster.

- O line looks pretty good. They need to cut down on the penalties, but they manhandled Cleveland's defense for most of the game.

- Receivers and backs looked great. Hard to find anything to single out for complaints. Felix Jones is one fast dude.

- Defense looked solid, with the exception of some breakdowns in the secondary. You have to think that gets a lot better when Newman is back.

- Hats off to the coaches. This team was READY.

- Of course, a lot of this may have to do with Cleveland's state of suck. We'll know more next week after Philadelphia, although it's tough to say what Philadelphia really has. Yeah, they killed St. Louis, but the FFL Mini-Eagles probably could do that.

Great way to start the season. One down, eighteen more to go, right?

Romo makes his first big mistake of the day

That was an ugly interception. Willie McGinest just destroyed Felix Jones on his way towards Romo, which seemed to lead to the badly underthrown ball.

I think it's too far gone for it to matter much, but the defense is going to have to clamp down. The secondary is going to get tested now, big time. I think there's enough of a cushion, but the secondary is not the unit to be placing your faith in, at least not yet.

Another smart play by Marion Barber

Great great late first half catch on third and long by Marion Barber. Even better was his circle back and dive for the first down.

That guy makes more heads up plays. What a player!

Cowboy D: Umm...

Two words: Uh and oh.

That was some drive by the Browns. I'm not too sure about this revamped secondary. This may be a lot more entertaining than Cowboy fans like...