As we await Ike, the lesser-known 5th Horseman of the Apocalypse, what better way to spend our remaining hours on this Earth than picking football games?
Onward!
Colleges
Washington State (+1) @ Baylor
Good heavens, Baylor is favored. I guess that's what happens when you lose to Cal 66-3 in your opener, as Washington St did last week. Still, it's sorta hard to figure. This game got bumped up to prevent God and His little buddy Ike from messing things up. May be over by now, in fact. I think I will break one of my cardinal rules here and go w/ the Bears.
UNT (+44.5) @ LSU
What is Coach Dodge telling his boys this week? "Guys, if we're lucky, the hurricane will blow right thru Baton Rouge and we won't have to go"? Well, the hurricane disappointed. This promises to be a bass-whipping of dreadful proportions. I hope UNT's cut of the gate is worth it.
SMU (+36.5) @ Texas Tech
The over/under on successful tackles may be around 10 in this game, while the o/u on duration is probably 5 hours. With as many times as these two teams will be throwing, this may be the longest game in the history of college football. In about 3 years, if we're lucky and June Jones isn't the snake-oil salesman I somewhat suspect he is, this may be a great game to watch. Not now. Tech covers.
Georgia @ South Carolina (+7)
Yee-ha! The Redneck Game of the Week is BACK, baby! No shirt, no shoes, no problemo, man! Pack your '77 El Camino full of moonshine and your cousins, even the kissin' cousins, and come on down! Which one will there be more of - yards gained on the field, or original teeth in the stands? Georgia covers, by the way.
Michigan @ Notre Dame (+1.5)
Oh. My. God. The world has truly turned upside down. The state of these two programs makes me question everything I thought I knew. Is passive resistance still effective? Is the atomic weight of carbon still 12? Is red dye #40 still bad for you? Nothing is sure any more. I have no pick, only sadness and dreams of better days in Ann Arbor and South Bend both.
OU @ Washington (+20.5)
Bad things seem to happen to the Sooners in the land of the Pac-10. Sorry, Coach Stoops, but I'm taking the points.
Ohio State (+11) @ USC
One of the few legitimate big games in non-conference. I like OSU's willingness to play the big boys early. Everyone is picking the Trojans to kill 'em. I dunno - I keep thinking USC and, especially, Pete Carroll are just a tad overrated. I'll take the points.
Boston University vs. the 1987 ROTC cadet graduates
Dan Haines (whom I have just re-established contact with after 21 years) and Pat Bomberg combine to pistol-whip the ghost of Pat Mancini, causing a late fumble and score. Raise your hand if you have any idea what I'm talking about.
Pros
New England (+1.5) @ NYJ
The tables have turned, or so it would seem. This is certainly not Tom Brady vs. Chad Pennington. Let's see what Bellichick can pull out of the hood of his silly sweatshirt. I'm taking the Pats until proven wrong.
New Orleans @ Washington (pick)
Someone needs to tell me why this game is pick. What on Earth do the Redskins have? Joe Gibbs hung it up because he saw what was coming this year. I think the Redskins have a chance to be really, really bad. Give me the Saints.
San Diego @ Denver (+1.5)
I think history will show that Phillip Rivers is a choke artist. Dude annoys the crap out of me. As much as I am a Norv Turner fan, and as much as I appreciate what he did for the Cowboys back in the 90s, I don't think much of him as a head coach. Shanahan, with his rodent teeth, will win the coaching battle, and the Broncos will win the game.
Pittsburgh @ Cleveland (+6)
Is Cleveland that bad, or are the Cowboys that good? We'll know more after this one. I would love to see the Browns put a whuppin' on 'em, but I sure wouldn't bet that way. Give me the Steelers.
Philadelphia (+7) @ Dallas
Should be a good early season game. There's a real chance that the Cowboys kill 'em. I think the Cowboys clobbered a so-so Browns team last week, while the Eagles got no test at all from a truly horrible Rams team. I think what we saw from the Cowboys was legit, while what we saw from the Eagles was a mirage. I'll give up 7, not happily, and will hope for a big Romo night.
Comedic Value Game of the Week
As always, so many to choose from. This week's honor goes to Miami @ Arizona. I really wonder what the Phoenix area did to offend God so badly that He sent them the Cardinals?
Go (insert your team here)!
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