Friday, September 05, 2008

The much-talked-about return of Football Friday


After far too long a hiatus, we bring back the most popular CIT staple of all time, Football Friday. Please refer all media inquiries to my agent, who's number and email are tragically unlisted - may be time for a new agent...

Regardless, onward!

Colleges

Cincinnati (+21.5) @ OU
Early season college games are, for the most part, a beating. This one is no exception. This is the sort of team Switzer used to hang half a hundred on by halftime. Cincinnati is supposed to be all that in the Big East. Excuse me, but I didn't realize the Big East actually played football. Give me OU by a lot more than the spread.

Miami (+21.5) @ Florida
I had to double check this one. Are you SURE it isn't Miami (OH)? It isn't. It's the formerly-great Hurricanes. Jimmy must be rolling in his grave. Wait... Whatever, the mighty have indeed fallen. It's early Sept and I am already tired of Tim Tebow. I would love to see Miami give them a soo-prise, but there's just no way. Give me the Gators, grudgingly.

Texas Tech @ Nevada (+10.5)
Nevada can run a bit. If the Raiders can keep the ball away from 'em, this could get ugly, but the Raiders don't play a lot of defense. I still think Mike Leach's pirate thing is pretty gay, thus I will go with the points, and am willing to go so far as to predict an upset.

Texas St (+9) @ SMU
I think Texas State was the team in Necessary Roughness, one of the worst examples of a sports movie ever made. June Jones may wind up bringing college ball back to the DFW Metroplex of Love, but there is no way the Mustangs should be 9 point favorites over a 3A high school team. I will take the points, even if Texas St trots out Kathy Ireland as their kicker.

A&M @ NM St (+2.5)
If I may state the obvious, the Mike Sherman Era is not off to a big start. Last week's shocking (SHOCKING!) loss to Arkansas State, coupled with being a measly 2.5 point favorite over a state school from a football backwater like New Mexico is NOT what the Ags signed up for. I can easily see A&M losing this game. If so, FireSherman.com will be up and flying come Monday.

Northwestern (+10) @ Baylor
WHAT? What on Earth are they thinking in Vegas? Has anyone who sets a line actually SEEN the Bears in the past 10 years? How in the name of Baby Jesus is Baylor favored by 10 over ANYONE? Give me those points.

Texas @ UTEP (+26.5)
If the 'Horns are going to do anything this year, they need to beat the snot out of the Miners. I think they do, covering by halftime and playing the pom-pom girls by the end of the 4th.

Boston University vs. the immortal soul of Carolyn Bessette
Yes, she went to BU. And yes, it's too dark for words.

Pros

Let's start with the caveat that no one knows anything this time of year. We're all just guessing. OK, rear-end covered, on with the picks:

Jacksonville @ Tennessee (+3)
Is Vince a pro QB? I'm ready to say no, but then I was ready to say no about 10 minutes after the Rose Bowl lo those many years ago (OK, I said "don't bet against him", but I meant it in a negative way). If he's gonna be anything other than the greatest college player in the history of ever, now is the time to prove it. Give me the Jags.

St Louis (+7.5) @ Philadelphia
We keep hearing how Philly is back this year. Maybe so, but we won't be in any better position to say yea or nay after this one. St. Louis is terrible. This one may look like UT-UTEP by the end.

Minnesota (+2.5) @ Green Bay
I'm interested. I don't think either of these teams is going to do much of anything this year, but there are plot lines galore here. It would be better in late Nov, with a cold wind blowing thru Lambeau, but I'll take it in Week 1. I kinda like the Vikings, even though they have NOTHING after Adrian.

Denver @ Oakland (+3)
Remember when this was a big game? When does Al Davis finally release the Raiders from their misery? Denver wins easily. Apologies to my father-in-law, but the Raiders are awful.

NY Jets @ Miami (+3)
The loser has to take Parcells for the rest of this stage of his career. Keep payin' the mortgage in South Florida, you Pear-Shaped Football Genius, you.

KC @ New England (no line)
Please. Even Vegas sees no point in playing this one.

Cowboys @ Cleveland (+5.5)
I want to believe. I really do. I will believe until it is beaten out of me. Cowboys big. Please...

Comedic Value Game of the Week:
As is often the case, we have two top contenders for this coveted title:
Arizona @ SF, and
Detroit @ Atlanta
Both of 'em really make you want to run out and buy the NFL Sunday Ticket, don't they?

Go (insert your team here)!

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