One of the great weekends of the year is here: Texas-OU in the Red River Shootout Rivalry (or whatever it’s called these days). Along with it, we’ve got a few other interesting college matchups and a potential massive, demoralizing loss for the Cowboys, so there’s lots to look forward to. Let’s get to the details, shall we?
Texas vs. OU @ Cotton Bowl – This year’s game should be the most evenly matched in years. It will be most interesting to see how young Colt McCoy plays in his first game of consequence since his fair-to-poor showing against Ohio St. As usual, the weather prediction for tomorrow is SPECTACULAR – I can’t remember a Texas-OU game that was played in the rain. Another plus (I think) is the huge HD scoreboard installed at the decrepit old Cotton Bowl. What a waste of time and money. This is sorta like putting a DVD player into your horse-drawn carriage. Regardless, I think we’re in for a good one, but at the end of the day, Texas will win.
LSU @ Florida – Here’s your Redneck Game of the Week. It’s either Florida -2 or pick, depending on where you look. I don’t know – I think it’s a Florida win, but I’d be real careful with that. Them Cajun boys is gonna show up wit sum a dat corn likker and a big ol’ plate a etouffee, cher, so de garlic breath alone gonna be a equalizer. Don’t you big Gainesville city folk be getting’ too comfy, you know dats right.
Nebraska @ Iowa State – Battle of the Corn-Fed Polacks, I bet there isn’t a Jew for 150 miles. I want to know where all the black kids on these teams come from; I’ve spent a fair amount of time in both states, and the brothers are in short supply. Nebraska wins both the game and the pitchfork fight afterwards.
Michigan State @ Michigan – The biggest bong I ever saw was in East Lansing. Taking a hit from it was a two-person effort, and you needed an iron lung to get all the smoke out. What this has to do with college football, I have no idea. I like the Wolverines in this one, since Michigan State has always seemed like a bunch of wannabes to me.
Texas A&M @ Kansas – Coach Fran needs a win in the worst way. If the Aggies lose, I’m headed to College Station to start a torches and pitchforks franchise. I have the merch in the garage, but I don’t think I’ll need to load up this weekend.
SMU @ El Paso – I include this game strictly because it allows me to mention the DMN’s SMU beat writer, Kate Hairopoulos. Think she had a tough childhood?
Boston University vs. the immortal soul of Mark “Pepsi” Moylan – Big Pepsi (I have no idea where the nickname came from) was a giant (by 1-AA standards, anyway) offensive lineman who was, fortunately for his neighbors, a nice, quiet guy. I have to tell you, though, I always tread carefully around Mark. Not all my friends did (and you know who you are).
Cowboys @ Eagles – I don’t have much regard for Eagle fans, but I hope a few of them figure out how to use a crayon and make some funny signs. I also would love to see TO Owens score a TD, dash out to the emblem at the center of the field, then run like hell as every single fan in the lower bowl storms the field. THAT would be quality entertainment. As I’ve been saying since training camp, I don’t think the Cowboys have much, and I believe the Eagles will romp. It says here Eagles win 37-14, and I will have lots of company on the Dark Side come Monday.
Miami @ New England – Back in the day, this was a huge rivalry. What happened to Miami? The Pats give 9.5, which is a heck of a lot in the pros, but I think you have to go that way.
Tampa @ New Orleans – I still don’t know what the Saints are, but I’m starting to think they’re pretty good. I suspect Tampa is better off with Chris Simms sitting on the couch, spleenless, for the rest of the season. I’m sorry, I’m sure he’s a wonderful human, but I saw too much of his bag at Texas for me to believe he’s ever going to be anything but a spare NFL QB.
Titans (giggle) @ Colts – Scary point spread of the week here – Tennessee gets 18. I don’t recall a bigger spread on any game ever. Anything over 10 gets my attention in the NFL, but I’d tread carefully here. Tennessee is as bad as it gets, and the Colts can score some points.
Pittsburgh @ San Diego – The Chargers are quietly pretty good. The Steelers are starting to make me think last year was a fluke.
Baltimore @ Denver – I’m kinda pulling for Baltimore this year. I think they’ve got a little something. Denver is always tough at home, but I smell upset here.
Comedic Value Game of the Week – As is often the case, I can’t choose between two very worthy candidates. St Louis @ Green Bay is a horror show, but so is Oakland @ San Francisco. I don’t know. I’d rather take a bath in paint thinner than watch either one of these.
Go (insert your team here)!