Which one is more appropriate?

I can't decide. Please submit your votes...

Daily YouTube: Inside McCain's brain

It's difficult for me to admit this, but I am not mature enough to handle a hot woman running for Vice President...



Then there is this.

And, in a related story (I apologize for everything):

Gustav: Can we stop rebuilding now?

As New Orleans empties, the Corp of Engineers stockpiles supplies because they know the levies won't hold, and the D/FW Metroplex of Love braces for both evacuees and rain, we once again ask the question: Why did we rebuild New Orleans? Are we going to do it again?

Can we please just face facts that abysmally corrupt cities cannot survive below sea-level on a hurricane-prone landfill? Can we just realize, once and for all, that God does not support New Orleans, and has given us some rather large hints over the years to express His displeasure?

If Ray Nagin appears on TV telling us we have to dig deep to rebuild the city, that our culturural history demands we save New Orleans, I am going to send him a bill for my time. Seriously.

Look at that track, for God's sake.

I think I'll probably turn off my sprinklers for a few days...

The Most Disturbing Video Game Ever -- "Bioshock" -- by Jack

The basic plot of this game is your plane crashes in the middle of the Atlantic in 1960. You find a lighthouse, swim to it, 17 fathoms later you find yourself at Atlantis on crack (also known as "Rapture") and you go around either saving or harvesting "Little Sisters" or young girls.



This game is not for the faint of heart -- like my dad. Seriously, this game freaks me out.

The biggest announcement of my life

Thank you to everyone who has supported me, and suggested that I do this. I owe it all to you.

Daily YouTube: Golf failure

Giggle.

While on the topic of FEEDBACK

I have decided that the only way on can ground myself in the midst of writing Tech Plans, formulating timelines for fund drives, having panic attacks over the school's budget woes, and my own mishegaas (don't even go there) is to fill my head with feedback -- lots and lots of guitar feedback. Now nobody will ever do it like Lou Reed on "Metal Machine Music", but let's take a look at a couple of brothers from East Kilbride, Scotland, Jim and William Reid, who in 1984 threw poop all over the music industry with a tremondous force fed by feedback. They did this by forming the band: The Jesus and Mary Chain.

(God, if only I still had enough hair to do that)

These guys, when they first started, would play like 10 minute sets consisting entirely of this massive ear-bleeding screaming and pooping wall of feedback. These shows, of course, often ended up with the audience rioting -- after all, what else is there to do after being fully assualted for 10 minutes.

The band's first record release was titled Psychocandy . Wow, who knew you could bend screeching feedback distortion smash your face eyebleeding noise into a beautiful melodic love song? The Jesus and Mary Chain knew they could when they released the single, "Just Like Honey". I'll never forget the moment I first heard this one in my suburban Dallas middle-class Jewish bedroom. If I had thought about it, I probably would have ejaculated suddenly and fell to the floor a quivering mess. But I wasn't thinking about that. I was thinking about the noise. And of course, I had to think about the hair:



The brothers Reid calmed it down some after the debut album and released some more toned down ideas and sounds. Then came "Reverence" which spewed it again all over the faces of anyone who would listen -- spit and bile and, of course, distortion.




Almost makes you want to die, too -- doesn't it? Anyway, toward the end of the band's inital run (they "broke up" in 1999) things got discordant (as you could imagine), but they were able to produce, after "Just like Honey", my favorite Jesus and Mary Chain song: "Hate Rock and Roll". In this song, the Reid brothers demonstrate that they have fully mastered the noise, the feedback, the ear-bleeding, so that (especially at the end of the song) you can't help but pound on the steering wheel if your driving, smack the desk if you are working, or punch your child if you are parenting. Listen to it and judge for yourself:



You know what. The hell with it. I hate rock and roll. From here on out, all I want to listen to is the sound of the trains in the night, rolling, rolling, rolling away from me.

Turn off the TV. Listen to the noise.

Gustav: Weaker, but look at that projected track

Gustav has slowed and weakened over the hills of Haiti, but should begin to stregnthen as it moves out into more open water. According to NOAA, both the Carribean and the Gulf are warm enough to support a major hurricane.

It's early, but its hard to look at the 5-day cone and not shudder a bit.

Olympics: Security forces take the gold, terrorists go home empty-handed

Prior to the Olympics, I was wondering about the chess match between Chinese security forces and the whole slew of terror groups who would have like to have made a big, messy splash during the fortnight.

Obviously, the security forces did their job, and did it so effectively that you heard nothing about any sort of credible threat throughout the games. Other than that one nut who killed the father-in-law of the US volleyball coach before topping himself off, you didn't even hear about a purse-snatching.

Running a police state certainly helps maintain public order. Did you happen to see the men's marathon? There was a cop about every 10 feet along the entire 26 miles.

Regardless, the good guys (um, I think they're "good guys" - I don't know what my opinion of the Chinese really is right now) won this round. I worry about Vancouver - the Canadians strike me as pretty laid back, and it is one spiffy little target. I worry a lot about London, but have more faith in the Brits than anyone this side of the Israelis. The simple fact is that every international gathering has a big bulls-eye painted on it, and the boys and girls in the security services have to hustle to stay one step ahead.

So far, so good.

Gustav: Time to pay attention

Hurricane Gustav is currently beating on Haiti. While it is a fairly small system at the moment, this one has spun up quickly and is aimed at the Gulf. Time to start watching.

Any random day on 635

There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, ''Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!''

Herman says, ''I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!''

Olympic quick-hits

Well, it's done. Two weeks of some pretty cool moments, a bit of controversy, annoying commercials, and oodles of high-def goodness came to a thrilling close this evening.

Now that the Beijing Games of 2008 are in the books, I have a few things to record for my future reminiscing, not to mention the edification of the seven of you who continue to read this little time-waste of a blog.

- No one will ever top the Opening and Closing Ceremonies in Beijing. Vancouver and, especially, London would be nuts to even attempt it. If I'm part of the planning for London 2012, I'm thinking minimalist. Either that, or I'm looking into raising John and George from the grave and reuniting the Beatles.

- Which was the bigger performance: Phelps or Bolt? To me, Bolt's races were more exciting. Maybe its because things happen faster on the track than in the water, maybe it's Bolt's larger-than-lifeness, I don't know. All I know is I was on my feet for both the 100M and the 200M, and not at all for the swimming.

- But, on the other hand, Phelps is a phenomenon. Some of the criticism I've heard about the big deal made over his accomplishment goes along the lines of "Look how many races he was in". Well, look at his competition - how many times did he face the same guys? My point is most guys can't swim that many races. Bolt could have run the 400M or some of the other distances, but he chose to specialize. Phelps did it all.

- NBC's final montage of great moments made me a little misty. If that makes me a synonym-for-kitty-cat, then so be it. I've always been a sucker for well-produced heart-string-tuggers.

- All four members of the US women's 4X400M relay team were hot.

- I think my wife thought the same about the US men's 4X400M team, with the exception of Jeremy Wariner. She got a look at him during the medal ceremony and said something along the lines of "No wonder he wears those sunglasses". Funny!

- I saw more of Jane McGarry and Mike Snyder in the past two weeks than I have in the last two years combined. And it will be 2010 before I watch them with any sort of regularity again. That set is home to more forced humor than a bad AM radio morning show. I bet Finfrock had "Kick Me" signs taped to his back three times a week in junior high school. And it was probably Snyder doing the taping.

- Whoever is in charge of advertising at Nationwide Insurance needs to be fired immediately. What the hell was up with that stupid "Young Guy Hits Old Couple's Car and Old Woman Whips His Ass" ad? For as much as Nationwide spent on ad time during the Olympics, wouldn't you think they'd have more than one spot to run? I can't tell you how sick I am of that ad, nor how unlikely it is that I will ever do business with Nationwide. Idiots.

- If I was 20 years old and had even an iota of athletic ability, I'd emigrate to Trinidad and Tobago or Fiji or somesuch, learn how to throw a javelin or play badminton, and get to the Olympics. What a frickin' party! Man, that looks like fun!

- Since I'm not 20, and I never had an iota of athletic ability, I am ready to kill all of the spare sports. Seriously - let's stop wasting time with javelin, hammer-throws, badminton, water polo, rhythmic gymnastics, handball, etc. All these are good for is a ticket to the Olympics for kids who want to go to the party.

- I think the ancient Greeks would have a tough time with trampoline, beach volleyball, BMX bicycling, synchronized swimming, synchronized diving, and some of the other "new" sports.

- My 10-year-old daughter was really into it this time around. I hope my son will be ready for the Winter Olympics in 2010.

- Bob Costas is the best studio host in the history of the job. And that's saying something in a field which includes Jim McKay.

- Jim Lampley is the the worst studio host in the history of the job. And that's saying something in a field which includes Brent Musburger.

- Who knew Dara Torres is Jewish?

- I couldn't take four steps on a balance beam.

- I still don't know why most of the signage at the Games was in English. Even the Chinese teams had English on their unis. Wouldn't the host country sorta be in a position to demand it's own language dominate? Or is Western dough that overpowering? Never mind - that was a stupid question.

I enjoyed the heck out of the past two weeks, and eagerly anticipate doing it again in two years in Vancouver. As Morgan Freeman would say: Go World!

Ice-Scream

Funny picture, lifted from Keith.

Daily YouTube: Gymnastics of Yesteryear

Olga Korbut's uneven bar routine from 1972.

The amazing thing is the distance between the bars and the maneuvers the distance permits. How many girls broke hips and pelvises? No wonder they changed it.

Daily YouTube: Those were the days

God Almighty, this was SIXTEEN years ago! Seems like last week.

Will Wade be up on a bench in a locker room, some Sunday in late January, making a similar speech? I want to believe, but I'm having some trouble with it right now...

Lou Reed and Metal Machine Music

I have always been scared of Lou's Album "Metal Machine Music" because, due to circumstances beyond my control, stress makes me wonky -- seriously bent -- crawling on the floor trying to find answers to math problems that are missing pertinent information, open heartfelt soul crying, lying on the street at 2 in the morning wondering if the cars fly, having conversations with the dogs.

And "Metal Machine Music" is all about stress.

So I have avoided it.

But I recently have been reading a collection of Lester Bang's rock reviews from the 1970's, and he has given me the clear eyed touch to attempt the experience. His review (read it or die!) puts the entire cluster f&$# in perspective, and I now understand why I had felt fear in the past.

I have chains to tie me to the chair. I have a heavy wooden bowl next to my head for the blood to congeal in. I am wearing especially tight pants. I have shaved my chest to keep it from bursting into flames.

I am ready.

Bring it on.

I love you Lou

A Phenomenon Of Our Time

And he really hates those cookies



Remember when aliens were so cool that you wanted to be one?

The most important article you will read this decade

The headline is not hyperbole.

The cover story in this month's Wired magazine (the greatest magazine ever in the history of ever, but that's another story) is about a man named Shai Agassi and his company, a little outfit called Better Place.

You need to know about this guy. You need to know about this company.

Agassi and Better Place are going to break our dependence on fossil fuels. And they're going to do it soon.

Better Place is involved in electric cars. No, they're not building souped-up golf carts. They're not even building the cars. Better Place is going to build the new paradigm.

They are going to build charging stations, they are going to build battery swap-out stations. And they are going to sell you a service plan which allows you to drive your electric car, built by GM, or Nissan, or whoever, for as long as you want to. The service plan you buy will be a lot like your cell phone plan. You'll be billed for usage, or you'll pay a flat fee for X amount of electrons, or you'll buy a premium service plan which allows you unlimited juice and a new battery whenever you want it.

Better Place is going to be the company Exxon-Mobil should be.

Agassi has already signed deals with the governments of Israel and Denmark, which will give him and his company tax breaks to help build the infrastructure. The US is not too terribly interested at this point. But we will be.

Folks, it's coming. Agassi is handling the transportation/consumption end. Boone Pickens is evangelizing about the supply end. And My Hero Al Gore is keeping this stuff front and center.

My good, sweet Lord. I can't wait!

Olympics: That Bolt guy is AMAZING

I'm a fan of greatness. Books, music, political or business leadership, ideas - I am a fan of greatness in all of these. But I am a fan of sports greatness more than anything. Perhaps because it's easier to identify, perhaps because it's better publicized, perhaps because of the visible competition and level playing field - I don't know the reason. But whether it's the Yankees of the early 2000s, the Celtics and Lakers of the 80s, the Cowboys of the early 90s, Gretzky, Beckham, Jordan, Aikman/Irvin/Smith, or whatever; I enjoy sports greatness in any form it takes.

Which is all to say that I am a huge fan of Usain Bolt. This guy is truly a freak of nature. His win (hell, his utter domination) of the men's 200M this evening (or last night or whenever it was - we saw it this evening) was nothing short of breath-taking. How can a guy be SO MUCH faster than these other world-class sprinters?

We may never hear another peep out of the guy. Track only makes headlines once every four years. Regardless, Bolt has made an impression. What fun!

Bonus YouTube: Joseph D. Anzalone - ROCK STAR!

This is REALLY inside - there may be four of you out there who get this.

Ladies, gentlemen, and Ronjons, we present The Pessimists: Live at Mondo Gelato!

Seperated at birth?

I don't know for sure, but I'd bet Usain Bolt and Terrell Owens came from the same baby-mama.

Daily YouTube: BBC report on Zimbabwe

This is a bit dated - it's got figures from Feb 2008, which was, in terms of Zimbabwe's inflation rate, about 10,000,000% ago - and there's nothing reported here that you haven't already heard or read, but it's still plenty sobering.

Zimbabwe: Economic emergency? Understatement of the decade!

I'm not sure how this is even possible, but Zimbabwe's already-breathtaking annual inflation rate jumped from 2,233,713.4% (don't you love the ".4" at the end?) in May to just over 11,250,000% in June.

That's an official increase of 9,035,045.5 percentage points in a month! Many Zimbabweans think it is, in fact, much higher.

Mugabe's govt thought they were going to slow things down by lopping 10 (10!) zeros off the end of the Zimbabwe dollar, making Z$10 BILLION equal to Z$1 of new currency. Um, not working, buddy.

How can this country continue to function? Is everyone simply bartering for goods and services now? It sure seems like there's no way this can be sustainable for any significant amount of time, but we've been saying that about Zimbabwe for two and half years now.

The reality is everyone who has any means has already left. Most of the people left in the country are either on Mugabe's payroll, in which case money means nothing, or were already so poor that they had no money to be made worthless.

What a frickin' mess...

Daily YouTube: Michael Irvin

Feeling a bit nostalgic for CIT's own Michael Irvin...

College presidents want to lower the drinking age

A quorum of college presidents, representing some of the best-know and most-prestigious schools in the land, are urging the Feds to lower the drinking age from 21 to 18.

My first reaction was along the lines of "Are they frickin' crazy?", but then I realized that I was doing the 40-something, father-of-two knee-jerk. Upon about 10 seconds of further reflection, I completely changed my tune.

Making this booze, and drugs, more available will, I think, actually lower demand. It will certainly lower the illegal nonsense currently involved in obtaining said booze and drugs. Many underage drinkers will enjoy way too many drinks in out-of-the-way, uncontrolled environments. I will tell you that no one gets as drunk in a bar as they do in a dorm room. Trust me on this one.

I also have to say that, while I suspect things have changed, the legal drinking age did not slow me down one bit back in the day. It didn't matter if the legal age was 19, 20, or 21. Let me repeat: It did not slow me down one bit. It didn't slow my friends down one bit. If you wanted to get hammered, you did. Booze was the easiest thing to get your hands on - easier, but not much easier, than weed or anything else.

It's all right there when you're in college. Get it out of the dorms and into establishments a little better suited to managing intake and you will see a decrease in suicidal binge drinking.

Daily YouTube: I want to kiss you

Remember this? You giggled when it happened, and so did I. Shame on us all.

Poor Joe.

Happy birthday, Citroen 2CV

The Citroen 2CV, France's answer to the VW Beetle, turns 60 in Oct. This vehicle, possibly the ugliest, most under-powered piece of garbage ever foisted on the auto-buying public, has symbolized French engineering skill and expertise for since it's introduction in the late 40's.

Almost every Frenchman has owned a 2CV at some point in his/her life. Surprisingly (or not), no one else on the planet can say the same thing. Draw your own conclusions.

Bigfoot in a freezer

Two hayseeds from Georgia claim to have the corpse of a Bigfoot in their garage freezer.

Matt Whitton and Rick Dyer, an officer on medical leave from the Clayton County Police Department and a former corrections officer respectively, tell a few different stories about how they happened to come into possession of the body. They presented their case in California, standing next to Tom Biscardi, head of a group called Searching for Bigfoot.

I've said it before: Sometimes, this blog just sorta writes itself...

UPDATE 08/17/2008 6:20 p.m.: The DNA samples taken from the "Bigfoot" corpse didn't exactly pan out has Matt and Rick might have hoped. One sample came from a human, the other appears to be opossum. The hunt continues...

Yes, yes, yes!

It's official: Sex is good for you. Britain's National Health Service cites all sorts of health benefits.

In case you were, you know, looking for reasons...

If you're going to top yourself off...

...I can scarcely think of a more shocking way to do it than this.

Sound reasoning

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ralph out.

When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

The big Olympic stop-down

I am pleased to report that my fascination with the Olympic Games is back in full force. I am enthralled by the non-stop competition, and am fully engaged in NBC's massive coverage.

I don't know what happened the past few Games, why my interest waned, just as I can't explain specifically why I'm back to it as strongly as I am. I will tell you that HD TV helps - I'm still so giddy about HD that I'll watch pretty much anything as long as it's broadcast in at least 720. But it's clearly more than that.

During the opening ceremonies the other day (TREMENDOUS work by the the Chinese organizing committee, by the way - they raised the bar big time), it struck me how unique this event is. The Russians, the Iranians, the Israelis, the South Africans, etc, all cheering for each other, competing with each other with no violence or even bad feelings in evidence - boys and girls, this is near-miracle stuff. And it happens every couple of years.

Maybe I'm just now getting what everyone else has been aware of for years. So I'm slow. That's no surprise.

Some specifics to call out:

The US basketball team looks serious, thank God. The talent they put on the court is staggering, and it looks, one game in, like they're going to play some team defense and submerge the egos.

How friggin' great is Michael Phelps? As a fan of greatness wherever I can find it, I love his dominance, and am grateful for the opportunity to witness it.

As much as I am enjoying the Games, where did some of these sports come from? I'm still having a hard time with Beach Volleyball as an Olympic sport. I found myself watching Badminton in the wee hours this morning. And Olympic Handball sure isn't the handball my grandfather used to dominate.

Volleyball is a beating, both the beach and the court varieties. Serve, dig, set, spike, repeat. Whee.

The Cycling Road Race course was AMAZING. Tienanmen, the Great Wall, some of everyday Beijing - the venue was as much fun to watch as the race itself.

I am prattling on. Suffice it to say, I'm having a ball with this year's Olympics. Now if I can just get the kids off the Wii long enough to join me...

Had a Party This Weekend

Thought I would drop a quick video of the party we had last night at the Idiot Farm. We rarely receive company on the Farm anymore ever since the neighbor started all that shooting. Bastard. We had the last laugh, though, as his house was foreclosed on last week.

Thus, the party:



Tomorrow I will have to clean that rug.....

Daily YouTube: Who's on first

The classic, in its entirety:

Where was I? Let me continue....

I am a thick azure
And I breathe in time
With my wife’s gentle snore.

I descend into the shape
Of Mickey Mouse’s Ears.
A Dead Rat stuck rigormortis half out of his hole.

40.

The soft downy fur of the Firefly.
The snap pea apple tang of Eric Dolphy’s saxophone
Calling, a siren
And me, sitting on my son’s bed reading superhero comic books together
Milk to the left of me
Garlic Powder to my right
A Claw Hammer under his pillow.

I believe the dew on my wife’s upper lip is a reflection of her love for me
An indication of her embrace.

40.

I am the Ruby Cyclops
Lumbering through the ages
Pawing Potassium Pills
And Rocky Road ice cream
Into the Black Hole of my face

Turning my one bloodshot eye
Away
From the road.

Daily YouTube: I'd like to have an argument, please

Classic silliness from the vaults of genius at Monty Python.

Counter-point? Perhaps...

Reflecting about the future

I come from a huge stack of old comics piled high in the corner filling the room with a musty smell that lingers long into adulthood.
I come from a pillow fort I built in the hour before my dad came home again and my mother braced to greet him.
I come from skinned knees, swollen lips.
I come from sneaking cigarettes in the backyard, getting dizzy, hoping not to puke.
I come from the Sex Pistols and the Ramones.
I come from a brother far bigger than I and angry twice as strong.

I come from the hope of escape.

I believe that in the mind anywhere is possible and that if you can muster the focus and lose the fear your feet can begin to move.
I believe a strong left cross trumps a solid right jab.
I believe we are all capable of the most enormous cruelty and it is only fear that keeps us from eating our own.
I believe that women understand the world better than men because they caress with their fingers while men poke with their thumbs.
I believe that while ignorance is bliss a true happiness is best found in a quiet conversation about ideas.
I believe photography is more true than real life because of its pace.
I believe in my wife.
I believe in my son.

I believe we are all in trouble.

I value quietness.
I value moving slowly.
I value thinking it through.
I value pillow forts and comic books.
I value my wife and I value my son.
I value their happiness as much as I value my peace.

And the future is like a glass drained recently of milk, clear insofar as you can make it through the film.

The future is truly thin, yet runny and it has been in my back pocket and I have been sitting for weeks.

The future is in the hand of my son and I worry because his room is such a mess.

Daily YouTube: Braai etiquette

Call it what you want: Grill, BBQ, braai, whatever. It's the universal language of men.

If you're coming by the CIT compound any Sunday between April and Nov, this video is required viewing. And, ja, we'll be calling it the "braai" from here on, bru.

Daily YouTube: Stupid weather coverage

One of the larger beat-downs known to modern American human-kind is local news coverage of severe weather. If it's not some poor schlub of a beat reporter getting her lips frozen off in the name of award-winning local news, it's the sparest guy/gal in the newsroom being shipped off to cover a mild tropical storm.

Today, we present both.

First, from 1992, Valeri Williams of News8 takes one for the team, as well as Chip and Tracy's amusement...



Followed by Fox4's Edouard coverage; here is some dude named Fodi, who is not terribly familiar with the term "pounding surf"...

TS Edouard: C'mon this way, big boy!

TS Edouard, he of too many vowels and not much punch, is tracking to make landfall right on top of Houston tomorrow (Tues).

This afternoon's track - see below - has Edouard bending a bit more north, which means the DFW Metroplex of Love may actually get a bit out of this thing. After Day 11 of consecutive 100+ degree days, and not even a hint of rain, I sure as heck hope so.

Early Aug and not much activity. Keep your fingers and toes crossed, boys and girls. A big 'un in the Gulf spells $6 gas and a bullet right in the heart of our faltering economy. However, we can use some more of the little 'uns, especially here in very-brown North Texas.

Daily YouTube: Do not f*** with hurricanes

Not that Edouard is anything close to a hurricane, but it still gets me thinking about the idiots who want to "ride out" the big ones.

And, yes, there is an Edouard post coming, as soon as Blogger starts cooperating again. You get what you pay for with this service!

Beijing: C'mon in, the smog's fine!

Less than a week before the gigantic opening of the massively massive Beijing Summer Olympics, guaranteed to be massively gigantic in every manner possible, and the smog is so thick that you can't see the Olympic Stadium from right outside.

The Chinese say, of course, the smog will blow over and everything will be sparkly good. And massive.

The BBC has been testing air quality in Beijing for the past few weeks, and have found the particulate pollution to be more than 4 times the World Health Organization's guidelines for such things.

I really hope the bad stuff - like smog, terrorists, or brutal repression by the government - doesn't become the story of the Games. I have a baaad feeling one of the first two, at least, will make it's presence felt in some headline-grabbing way before we're done.

Too hot to blog

It's summertime in Texas...

Daily YouTube: Zombie haiku

In case you don't have enough undead poetry in your life.

Extreme gore warning. Come on, it's ZOMBIE haiku, right?