Monday, November 27, 2006

Tales From the Dark Side: Lookee here!

It's difficult to admit, but it is getting harder to be a Dark Sider around here. Isn't it amazing what a little winning can do? I swear, I think even the traffic is moving more smoothly than it was back in Sept. The only thing that's less interesting is sports talk radio - those guys love Cowboy disasters even more than I do.

Well, never mind all that. The subject for today is nearly existential in its complexity. How do we, as Dark Siders in good conscience, rationalize continued negative aspirations amongst all the positivity?

In other words, can we keep hoping for disaster while Romo and Company become America's Sweethearts?

It's a tougher question than it seems.

Nobody likes a happy ending more than me. No one wants to believe in the goodness of man, the beauty of nature, and the grace of God more than me. Seriously. I know, it can be tough to tell from what I've written in the past, but I really am an optimist. Ask my wife.

So, in that sense, I'd LOVE to see Tony Romo be the next feel-good story of the NFL. He's young, he's talented, he's confident without being cocky; at this point, there's absolutely nothing to dislike about the kid.

I've gone on record as stating my fandom of J. Jones, MBIII, and the tragic figure that is Drew Bledsoe. Let me expand to encompass Terry Glenn, Jason Witten, Terrence Newman, Anthony Henry, and Aaron Glenn. I think Greg Ellis is a class act, and I'm coming around on DeMarcus Ware. I think Mat McBriar is a hero to punting dorks everywhere.

So, there are some reasons to like the Cowboys. Do they outweigh the negatives, ranging from disdain to outright hostility, generated by the likes of Roy Williams, Flozell Adams, Terrell Owens, the Pear-Shaped Football Genius, or, most egregious of all, Bondo-Face?

Ehhhhhh, it's a teeter-totter. It depends how much my ankles hurt, or whether I've had my car washed recently. I mean, it's on the knife's edge. Really, really close.

However, I did swear, back last spring when Bondo-Face sold his soul to Terrell Owens, I would wish nothing but failure on this team. I have to stick with a statement as strong as that, don't I?

But, the reality is parity has reduced the NFL in general, and the NFC in particular, to a collection of very evenly matched spare-to-fair teams. No one in the NFC stands out: Chicago matches an All-World defense with a flatlined offense, Seattle's injury list reads like the western Washington telephone directory, Carolina goes up and down like the fake Britney Spears (that wasn't very family friendly, was it?), the Saints show flashes but are still subject to the Creole Cemetery Curse.

Are the Cowboys the best team in this insane conference? At the moment, they seem to be. Does it last long enough for them to make some real hay in the playoffs? Dude, I'm more comfortable predicting the weather two weeks in advance. Who knows? It's entirely possible Eli Manning and Tom Coughlin go to a voodoo high priestess, sacrifice a goat or two, and whip the Cowboys' tails next weekend, causing a mass ritual suicide in the Cowboy locker room after the game.

Regardless of what happens the rest of the way, please continue to tune in to Tales From the Dark Side for more uplifting prose like that last sentence.

Yay, mass ritual suicide!

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