Friday again, in a week where I picked a fight with Sports Bob over the gayness of "Dancing With the Stars" (my vote: NOT GAY). What better way to celebrate than to quote Bee Gees lyrics until my voice goes up three octaves? That, and pick some football games.
I've heard through the grapevine that some of you out there scoff at my prognosticating abilities. Well, I've got news for you, dude. I scoff at them too. Anyone using this silly little blog to check their picks before calling their bookie gets what's coming to them.
So with that bit of self-deprecation behind us, let's get to it:
Oklahoma St (+6) @ Texas Tech - Graham Harrell may rewrite the Tech record book before he's done, and that's saying something. However, I think the Cowboys don't really need six points here. Gimme Okie St to cover. By the way, I heard they're giving away Mike Leach-autograph-model plastic swords and eyepatches at this one. Hope it's true. Argh, matey.
Arkansas @ Mississippi St (+14.5) - Them Root-Hogs have come out of nowhere. What's up with that? I have no explanation. Regardless, it's liable to get messy in Starkville. I'm not ready to get up on my desk and start Callin' the Hawgs, but I'll lay down those 14 and a half.
Auburn @ Alabama (+3) - YEAH, baby! This one is always Redneck Game of the Week. Hell, this is Redneck Game of the Year, the Original Redneck Game. Yeeee-haaaaa!! This game has it all - Big Southern Dummies wherever you look, a parking lot paved with crushed-out Winstons and cans of Coors, and a who's-who of recessive gene disorders. Expect a whole lotta Lynryd Skynyrd rattling out of blown dashboard speakers and lots of muffin-tops hanging over polyester shorts. And expect Auburn to win by 7.
Michigan (+7) @ Ohio State - Why am I not psyched more for this game? Is it because I think Ohio State is going to kill the Wolverines? That's part of it. This is a classic matchup, it's #1 vs #2 for the second time this year, it's Nov football in the Midwest. What's not to like? And yet, my interest level is running on fumes. Maybe it's me...
Tennessee @ Vanderbilt (+7.5) - The Volunteers are my Disappointing Team of the Year, and I want Phil Fulmer's melon on a spike, dammit! Well, screw 'em. Give me Vanderbilt to cover, even though every time I hear "Vanderbilt", I always think of the nearsighted bugler on "F-Troop".
Virginia Tech @ Wake Forest (pick) - How the mighty have fallen. I'd take the Hokies for sentimental reasons only.
We're debuting a new feature here on CIT: The Overly Dramatic Pick of the Week. Here goes:
Oklahoma @ Baylor (+20.5) - Last year, I thought Baylor had found the secret. This year, they've lost it again. The Sooners are the best team in the Big 12 right now. I think the Brazos runs red with Baptist blood.
Pretty dramatic, huh?
Boston University vs. Deval Patrick - the new governor of Mass is probably a great guy, and may wind up being great for the state, but he looks a bit, and sounds a lot, like Mike Tyson.
Pats @ Green Bay (+6) - What in the Holy Name of God is going on with the Pats? They lose to the friggin' Jets? They sign 87-year-old Vinny Testaverde. It's looking like full-on collapse from here. Well, if you're fighting a collapse, Green Bay is probably the place to do it. At least, I hope so. I'm going with my heart, not my head here. Give me the (gulp) Pats.
Atlanta (+4) @ Baltimore - Ray Lewis had surgery on his back, but isn't definitively out for this one. That guy is nuts. I would have thought the Ravens would clean Atlanta's clock, but they BARELY beat the ridiculous little Titans last week, so I dunno. Give me the Ravens, but I ain't putting the mortgage payment on this one.
Titans (+13) @ Eagles - Another example of why betting on the NFL will kill you young. The Eagles are so schizo - no wonder their fans are such a-holes. They've all been driven completely nuts by their psychotic team. Oh, crap. Give me Vince Young to cover at least.
Giants (+3) @ Jacksonville - I guess I'm an idiot, but this looks like the biggest no-brainer of the week. You're going to give me the Giants, on Monday night, AND 3? I'll take it.
Colts @ Cowboys (+2) - WHHHAAAAAATTT? The Cowboys are getting 2? They need 22. Why does everyone think the Cowboys can hang with the Colts? They can't. Yes, that's right. I said: They CAN'T! Some people are comparing Romo to Peyton - seriously, I'm not making this up. What the hell have these people been watching? Or smoking? It's gonna be a GREAT week on the Dark Side. Please stop by on Monday to see how much fun we're having.
Comedic Value Game of the Week: Detroit @ Arizona - Why, oh why, do they do this to us every stinking week? Why must they schedule games so rancid, so awful, that they make us long for pre-season college basketball? Good God, I'd rather watch TENNIS than this swill.
Go (insert your team here)!