Friday, September 08, 2006

Ah yes, Football Weekend at last

Fellow gridiron fans, our patience has been rewarded. College football presents a couple of doozies, and the pros play for real this week. Let’s dive straight in:


Ohio State @ Texas – As stated here previously, this may be the biggest game EVER played in Austin. We don’t know anything about young Colt McCoy (greatest name for a Texas QB ever!) yet, and Coach Tressel has basically stated that OSU is going to make him win the game. On the other hand, we know quite a bit about Ohio St QB Troy Smith, and it’s all pretty scary. Ohio State gets 2.5. The heart says go w/ the Longhorns, but I’m afraid the head says Ohio St. I hope I’m wrong.

Penn St @ Notre Dame – If you’ve read previous installments of CIT, you know how I feel about The Nittany Geezer. The atmosphere in this one will be classic, but I doubt the game is. Notre Dame big.

Georgia @ South Carolina – The big-time Redneck Game of the Week returns. Spurrier be damned, Georgia rolls. The highlight of the afternoon promises to be the big Fiddle-Off at half time. Don’t bother bringing your shoes to this one.

Arizona @ LSU – What is so great about Louisiana? Why is Arizona getting 15 points? I think LSU will win, but Mikey Stoops has the Wildcats going in the right direction. I’ll take Arizona and all those lovely points, thank you.

Texas Tech @ UTEP – Sure to be a shoot-out of the highest order. Texas Tech should win, but don’t be surprised to see 90 points scored in this one.

SMU @ North Texas – A regional game of some interest, in that these teams are sorta evenly matched. I like Boredom over Tedium by two yawns here.

U LA LA @ A&M – Have I mentioned how much I hate non-conf games like this one? Coach Fran is determined to go into the Big 12 season undefeated. Scheduling exhibitions like this will guarantee it. If I were an Ag, I’d be embarrassed to show up for this while the T-Sips are playing a real game down the road.

Boston University vs. the ghost of Keith “Rocko” McLaughlin – Keith is probably a senior VP at Merril Lynch by now, and I’m sure he’s an absolutely swell guy to work for. Keith, if you happen to read this, please remember I’m your biggest fan.


Let’s preface the pro section by stating unequivocally that we have no idea who’s got anything. All we’ve got are reputations. So, essentially, all of this represents Wild Ass Guesses of the highest order.

OK, caveat in place. Onward:

Cowboys @ Jacksonville – The Cowboy’s season will come down to one thing and one thing only: The offensive line. If the line has improved (and not just a little, I mean improved substantially), all will be peachy at Valley Ranch. TO will be viewed as “colorful” and the Pear-Shaped Football Genius will get huzzahs from across the land. If the OL in any way resembles last year’s train wreck, none of the other crap will matter one bit. The jury is out, but I think it’s going to be a LONG year for Cowboys’ sheep.

Cincinnati @ KC – I want to believe Carson Palmer is the next big star in this league. This is a great test. I have faith in the Bengals, despite their undisputed crown in the Worst Uniforms in All of Football competition. These guys seriously need a fashion makeover.

Colts @ Giants – I’ve hardly watched TV this week, and yet I’m sick of the Peyton-vs.-Eli thing. The elder Manning has all the horses. Now all he needs to do is win a few in January. Fortunately for all Indy fans, this is only early Sept.

Vikings @ Redskins – What a crap game for the first Mon night of the season! Mark Brunell would have trouble starting for the Frisco High Raccoons at this point. And who plays QB for Minnesota? One of those faceless Johnon guys, right? I will be pulling for the Vikings, but that’s only due to my undying hatred of the Skins and their lousy fans.

San Diego @ Oakland – The confusing second Monday nighter this week is not much better. San D should have this one won before halftime, allowing all of us in the Eastern and Central time zones to get a decent night’s sleep.

Philadelphia @ Houston – Reggie Bush should run wild on the Eagle’s suspect defense. Oh, wait. Houston passed on the greatest running back to come out of college since Bo Jackson. Never mind. What on EARTH were they thinking in Sweat City? Eagles in a romp.

Buffalo @ Patriots – The road to the Super Bowl starts here for the fascist Patriots. If Crash Davis were on this team, he’d tell Tom Brady to stop throwing all those perfect passes.

The Comedic Game of the Week will return next week, when we can start to identify the comedians. I sorta like SF @ Arizona this week, but it’s big stuff in the Valley of the Sun, what with Edgerrin James and the new palatial stadium making their debuts.

Go (insert your team here)!

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