The worst football game ever played

Last night (er, I mean Monday night - this one spent a couple of days in the "Draft" folder), America was treated to the most boring, ugliest, least compelling, and most unwatchable football game ever played.

I am, of course, referring to Pittsburgh 3 - Miami 0 on Monday Night Football, which was an insult to the institution of Monday Night Football, the sport in general, and its fans.

The grounds crew in Pittsburgh decided that the playing surface at Heinz Field had become too badly beaten during recent high school playoffs and a college game to be effective for a Monday night NFL game. Their solution? Lay new sod OVER the existing, beaten up grass. This, with rain predicted all day and into the evening on Monday.

Anyone who has ever laid sod in his/her yard knows that fresh sod is a mess. It slides around and turns into chocolate pudding when the relative humidity gets high, and turns to liquid in the rain. And that's when you lay it on top of tilled soil. Putting it on top of existing grass seems like it would make the situation even worse, right?

And so it did.

Lets forget this was a bad matchup under any circumstances. The Dolphins are barely an NFL team this season, with no offensive weapons to speak of, NOTHING at quarterback, a defense which is constantly on the field, shaky special teams, and inexperienced coaching. And don't even get me started on that worthless Ricky Williams - hurt after six carries? Oh dear. How much would you like to bet he's out for 3 or 4 weeks? Dude ought to be in JAIL for the amount of money he's stolen in his career. And what the HELL are the Dolphins doing taking him back? They have no one to blame but themselves.

Never mind all that. This could have been Patriots-Colts and it still would have been a horror show. The playing surface at Heinz Field would have embarrassed the six-man team from Borger High School. I am simply shocked the Pittsburgh Steelers allowed their field to turn into The Bog on national TV. I'm shocked the NFL would permit it.

The way I see it, the NFL owes its fans for last night's travesty. And how are they going to replay us? By screwing us out of pretty much a game a week for the rest of the season with their stupid little pissing contest with Time Warner and Comcast over their NFL Network.

Thanks, you a-holes. Remember - what comes around goes around. You reap what you sow. A stitch in time saves nine. Feel free to add any other inane cliches you think might remotely apply here.

I'm pissed...

BTW, Mike Celizic, the MSNBC Sports "columnist" who routinely either puts me to sleep or makes me shake my head in the sheer wonderment that someone pays him to express his opinions, actually writes a sensible column on the asinine NFL Network-cable J.O.S. today.