Monday, December 25, 2006

Tales From the Dark Side: DEE-FENSE! DEE-FENSE!

Apparently, Greg Ellis and Flozell Adams are the two most important people in the Cowboy Universe.

Last year's loss of Adams on the O line spelled doom for the Cowboy offense in general and Drew Bledsoe's career in particular. The Cowboy offense spent the remainder of the season playing toreador to opposing defensive bulls, and Bledsoe, already gun shy from his seasons spent getting hammered in Buffalo, assumed the fetal position so often it became a habit he was unable to break this year.

This year, the loss of Ellis to a season-ending Achilles tendon injury has taken a defense (which, by the way, was predicted to be superior by just about everyone, and called "Doomsday III" by the Lead Sheep, Mr. George "Jub-Jub" Dunham) which was not not all that great to begin with, and has transformed it into a painful joke. The Cowboy defense appears to be unable to stop any competent NFL offense and might get trampled by the El Campo Ricebirds. Maybe even the Ricebirds JV.

Today's illustration was provided by the Philadelphia Eagles, who apparently slipped a double dose of rohypnol into the Cowboys' Gatorade coolers. By the end of the game, the entire defensive depth chart looked dazed, abused, and violated.

No one on the Cowboy defense played well enough to stay out of the Pear Shaped Football Genius's doghouse. The Eagle offense looked like a reincarnation of the '83 San Francisco 49ers, calmly and efficiently marching up and down the field, making no mistakes and executing just about everything they wanted.

On the offensive side of the ball, the Cowboys did nothing to write home about. The Romo feel-good saga appears to be in its waning days and one has to resume asking about the long-term viability of the undrafted guy from 1-AA. The tone was set early, as the Cowboys were unable to convert a 1st and goal into points, instead turning the ball over on downs as the usually unstoppable Marion Barber got clobbered behind the line on 3 consecutive plays. Why the Pear Shaped Football Genius felt compelled to go for it on 4th and goal, instead of taking 3 points in the first quarter, is a mystery to me. But who am I, a mere football peon, to question him? He's not the Pear Shaped Football Genius for nothing.

The Cowboys had a golden opportunity to nail down the division and to make a statement today. Instead, they have made their own road significantly harder and have handed the division to a team which should have been dead and buried weeks ago.

And how about next week? Think Detroit is a sure win? Didn't the Lions give the mighty Bears all they could handle yesterday? I think its well within the realm of possibility the Cowboys go into the playoffs in full reverse.

We shall see, but, all of a sudden, the Dark Side is a pretty happening place again.

1 comment:

Steve said...

Cowboys suck!