Friday, December 01, 2006

Football Friday – The Ice Storm Does Not Showeth edition

In a surprise to exactly no one over the age of about 12, “Arctic Blast 2006” was a giant fizzle. The so-called “weathermen” have a lot of brass calling what they do a “profession”. See? I’m so upset, I can’t even control my use of quotation marks.

Well, never mind all that nonsense. The college season is reaching its crescendo, and the pros are starting to sort themselves out. Lots to talk about today, so let’s get to it!


USC @ UCLA (+13.5) – It must be a big game, as ABC is dispatching “Big Game Brent” to broadcast it. Which is too bad – I really wanted to watch it. Question: Can a game be good enough to counter-balance Brent Musburger? How does that guy get the big college game every week? Whatever. USC will win, and probably by a bunch. But 13.5 is too much for me. Give me the Bruins.

Arkansas (+3) vs. Florida @ Atlanta – The SEC Title Game (and, by default, the Redneck Game of the Week) is an interesting one this year. The Gators are not that great, but they can throw the ball. Arkansas is pretty darn good, but they can’t defend the pass. I think Arkansas wins for two reasons: 1). Florida is probably underestimating them, and 2) Razorback fans will annoy the Florida team into defeat. They do it to me every week.

Nebraska (+4) vs. Oklahoma @ KC – The Big 12 Title Game is not so interesting. This was, once upon a Big 8 time, one of the greatest rivalries in all of sports. Unfortunately, not so much anymore. Oklahoma is the better team, and may have the best defense in the country. Bob Stoops has, once again, proven the superiority of his sports brain, willing this injury-ravaged team to the success it’s had.

Rutgers (+10.5) @ West Virginia – Did we really think these were Top 5 teams at one point this year? We did? How silly. I totally don’t care about the outcome of the game, but I would LOVE to see the crowd at this one. The home side will be a bunch of coal miners and hillbillies, the visitor side a bunch of Christopher Moltisanti look-alikes. Talk about clash of cultures.

Overly Dramatic Pick of the Week: Fresno St. (+4) @ San Jose St. – The techies vs. the lettuce growers is sure to be a pitched battle between the classes, between the whities and the Meskins, between the future high earners and the future working class. Tune in to witness the final conflict between the forces of Karl Marx vs. those of supply-side economics. There can be only one!

Boston University vs. the cast and crew of “BU Tonight” – Since when does BU have 1) a campus TV station, and 2) a late-night TV talk show? I’ve seen some clips from this thing (look for a Daily YouTube with one in the not-too-distant future), and everyone in it needs a SERIOUS beating.


Minnesota (+9.5) @ Chicago – There’s NO QUESTION the Bears are the better team, but can their offense outscore anyone by 10 points? I sorta don’t think so. Give me the points.

Atlanta (+1.5) @ Washington – Oh, sure. Atlanta is bad and in full melt-down mode. And the Redskins have a new QB. Sorry, not everyone is Tony Romo. The Falcons are nowhere near as bad as they’ve played recently. The Nation’s Capital is the place to get your wheels back on.

Detroit (+14) @ Pats – Danger, Will Robinson! Fourteen points in the NFL is a WHOLE lot. Still, the Pats have the wheels on again, and Detroit so totally does not. Argh. It’s too much. Give me Detroit (kill me now).

Carolina @ Philadelphia (+3) – THIS is your Monday night game? WTF?? How much did ESPN pay to broadcast barforama games like this? Give me a good night’s sleep. No WAY I’m staying up for this one.

Cowboys @ Giants (+4) – The Giants are imploding and the Cowboys are world-beaters. Or are they? The Giants may very well use this week’s negativity to rally around. And, let’s face it, Tony Romo has to come back to his home planet at some point, doesn’t he? I’m taking the points (shocking), and will be working up Monday’s Dark Side post throughout.

Comedic Value Game of the Week – As usual, silly games outnumber serious ones by about 2 to 1. It’s always a struggle to narrow it down to one. While Jets @ Packers and Cardinals @ Rams are both great ones from a Buster Keaton-pratfall perspective, Houston @ Oakland really has to be the winner this week (or any week). Things are gonna be tough in the East Bay this weekend – it’s either this abysmal football game or the big Walnut Creek Hippie Craft Festival. Not sure which way I’d go.

Go (insert your team here)!

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