It ain’t easy being a Dallas sports fan

OK, I’m finally over my Maverick-induced depression. A little time, a little Prozac, and a lot of cheap wine, and I’m finally ready to address the plight of the Dallas sports fan.

First off, this generalization: Man, we take a LOT of crap.

What did we do to deserve this?

Let’s start with the lowly Rangers. A bad team with no history when they arrived in town in the early 70s (for those of you who didn’t know or had forgotten, the Rangers started life as the Washington Senators and were actually the second go-around for a franchise with that name; the first Senators are now the Twins), the Rangers have given us precious few baseball memories in their 35+ years in Arlington.

Oh, sure, we had those playoff appearances in the late 90s, but the mighty Yankees smashed the life out of the team before the fans even had a chance to get excited.

Other than that, what have we got? Nolan Ryan’s 6th and 7th no-hitters, Ryan’s 5,000th K, Kenny Rogers’ perfecto, and…

Oh, yeah. What am I thinking? We’ve also got that homer off Jose Canseco’s melon in Boston. We’ve got Frankie Francisco’s chair-toss in Oakland. We’ve got Billy Martin rants, Eddie Chiles getting mad, and Bobby V’s restaurant. We’ve got Canseco’s (him again?) pitching appearance, FAILED trades (Eaton and Otsuka for Chris Young and Adrian Gonzales? Wanna do that one over? Or, for that matter, Sundberg for Yost?), idiot free-agent moves (did someone say Pudge Rodriguez was going to break down in 2003?), and BAD BAD BAD signings (Gay-Rod, Mike Henneman, Chan friggin’ Ho friggin’ Park).

We’ve got all that, and more. What am I complaining about?

This year, our hopes are pinned on Kevin Millwood (currently on DL), Eric Gagne (just off the DL and a reclamation project of the highest order), Brandon McCarthy, Mike Young (who seems to have forgotten how to swing a bat), Mark Texeira (TRADE HIM NOW), and assorted other spares. Not to mention passed-over-many-times-in-Oakland Ron Washington, the new, chatty skip.

It’s going to be the longest of long summers. This team, to quote someone who knows a lot more about baseball than me, SUCKS.

The second most lowly team in town is the now-irrelevant Dallas Stars. It’s amazing to me that this franchise, KINGS of the town after winning the Stanley Cup in ’99 and returning to defend (unsuccessfully, but returning nonetheless) in 2000, have dropped so far off the radar. Well, that’s what three straight first-round playoff exits will do for you.

The Stars have kept a nucleus of popular, but under-achieving, players around for YEARS. Mike Modano is cute and skates well (or used to), but his intestinal fortitude is questionable. Dude is the American, ice-skating version of Dirk Nowitzki (more about that in a moment). What’s not to like about Lehtinen, Zubov, Sydor, Morrow, Ott, Robidas, and the rest? They’re all swell guys. But there isn’t a CHAMPION among them. A guy with the killer instinct of Brett Hull, Guy Carbonneau, Mike Keane, Pat Verbeek, or any of the other over-achievers from the Cup team is sorely needed at the Frisco StarsCenter.

And, please, don’t get me started on Marty “The Head Case” Turco. With his strange, cross-eyed stare, Marty is lucky he’s made millions (and will make millions more in the years to come) playing great regular-season hockey. It’s a sad state of affairs when you look back on Ed Belfour as your sanest goalie in the past 10 years.

I’m afraid the best we can hope for in the next few years out of this bunch is for Dave Tippett to regrow his truly awe-inspiring mustache. And Ralphie-n-Razor’s never-tiresome bits.

We’re only halfway home, folks. The real soul-crushing is still ahead of us.

Let’s examine our heroes, the Dallas Cowboys, shall we?

The owners of the longest playoff victory drought in town (yep, you read that right; even the ridiculous Rangers have won a playoff game more recently than the Cowboys, who last won a Wild Card game in Washington in 1996), the Cowboys are well on their way to turning into the Oakland Raiders. A once-dominant team owned by an egomaniac who was in the past a mad genius but has become increasingly erratic and eccentric, the Cowboys, like Al Davis’ Raiders, are quickly fading into NFL obscurity. As coaches come and go, QBs rotate through, each touted as the Savior, and the team grows more faceless and non-descript each year.

Forget about Aikman, Irvin, Smith, Nate Newton, Charles Haley, or Kenny Norton. All the guys with any kind of personality are long gone. Who’s the most interesting dude on this team? Easy – TO Owens, but he’s interesting in a bad way. Who else?

Romo? His girlfriend is a LOT more interesting than he is. And I’m not sold on his ability to be The Man yet, either.

Terry Glenn? The last freckled black man I wanted to listen to was Dennis Johnson, and he’s dead.

Wade Phillips? Wait. Let me cancel my Lunesta prescription.

How am I supposed to get excited about this team? Are they going to be better than last year, when they barely squeaked into the playoffs, only to lose the Wild Card game, again? Well, the Pear Shaped Football Genius is gone, so the condescension and derision (focused on the fans, not the players) ought to be toned down. However, I have no idea why this team would be any better. The draft was underwhelming, free agency was an exercise in paying way too much for very little.

Yippee.

And those little Mavericks. I had retired the “little” last year, but the performance we just witnessed can only be described as “little”. Maybe “gutless”. Or “choke of historic proportions”. Any of those, I guess.

What, in the name of God, went wrong? How does a team handle all comers 67 times in the regular season, only to lose four out of six to the #8 seed? How is this even possible?

How can Dirk Nowitzki get serious MVP consideration, then, in the space of less than two weeks, disappear completely?

How can second-year player Devin Harris be the only guy on this team not scared to go to the rack?

How can big, goofy (but sorta loveable) Don Nelson have his old team’s number so thoroughly? What did he ever do to curry favor with the basketball gods? Or has he been possessed by the ghost of Red Auerbach?

How is it possible that a team coached by Avery Johnson has one guy, one friggin’ guy, who’s still talking when it’s put-up-or-shut-up time? That guy, by the way, is Jerry Stackhouse. The rest of these very little Mavericks ran home to their mommies when it got tough. How did Avery, one of the mentally toughest players ever in the NBA, not vomit his guts out right there on the sideline?

The total give-up we witnessed in that series makes you appreciate guys like Bird, Magic, and Jordan all the more. Guys who had tons of ability, sure, but who also were CHAMPIONS, who refused to lose, who wanted the ball when it came to nut-cuttin’ time, money players, cold-blooded crunch time guys.

There aren’t many of those guys out there. I can’t think of more than a handful going right now. Tiger, of course, leads the list. After that, I guess there’s Tom Brady, Peyton Manning (MAYBE, now that he’s got the monkey off his back – we’ll see), Curt Schilling, Roger Federer, Steve Nash, Tim Duncan, and not many more, if any. Beckham in his day, perhaps. I’m reaching now.

It’s obvious the Mavericks have none of these money guys. Stackhouse has the mental make-up, but no longer has the skills. Dirk has the skills, but not the stuff between his ears or in his chest. Devin Harris may yet be one of those guys, but he’s not there yet.

Many here are saying if the Mavs had played anyone but Golden State in the first round, they would have won. That may be, but Golden State exposed this team’s mental weakness. Even if the Mavs had wiped the floor with the Clippers instead, crunch time was going to come against Utah, PHX/SA, or the East champ. It had to happen. And we now know the Mavs would not have had the stones to stand up. This team folded so badly and so quickly that I really question if they were going to beat anyone, Clippers included, this post season. I can make the argument they would not.

When you take this failure and add it to the failure in Miami last year, the finished picture is not pretty. Oh sure, the Mavs rolled through the regular season like a steamroller. Who cares? That only makes it hurt worse, makes the shock more shocking. We sure thought they were good. Were they really?

The answer to that last question is unequivocally YES. They were good. When the pressure is not on, this team rocks. The skill guys have got skill. Avery Johnson is magic on bench. But add some pressure, and the wheels go flying in all directions.

So, what do you do if you’re Mark (Please Shave That Goatee) Cuban? Blow it up? Stand pat?

I think we’re too close to blow it all up. I think you’ve got a cast with few equals assembled here. Dirk has talent coming out his ears, as do Howard, Harris, and Diop. Stackhouse is a tough guy who I want on my team. Dampier is a functional big man and teams well with Diop. Terry… well, that’s the question, or at least one of them.

Isn’t it interesting that the two best point guards going right now, Nash and Kidd, were both Mavericks once upon a time? I have no idea what to make of that, but the irony is hard to escape.

It’s just as clear that you can’t bring this bunch back intact. Many of the supporting cast turned out to be huge disappointments. Weren’t Devean George, Greg Buckner, and Austin Croshere brought here to provide experience, esp playoff experience? Then how come none of them played more than a few minutes in the Golden State series? If they can’t get on the floor when your team is getting humiliated by an 8 seed, it’s time for them to go.

Similarly, Jason Terry has disappeared too many times. When he’s on, he can be a huge difference maker. But, seriously, how hard is it to find a jump-shooting two guard with questionable heart? This team so desperately needs another guy who doesn’t wet his pants at the thought of driving to the rim, another Manu Ginobilli, a guy who can help Harris break a defense, who can drive and dish, or take it all the way himself. Where do we get one of those?

You’re as set as you can expect in the middle. You’re not going to improve on your rotation of Dampier and Diop.

Down low, you need someone who can play down low. Dirk may never excel at the low post, but he can certainly improve. Howard may do well there. But a real, big-butt power forward is a need as well.

And you need a bench that can play some when the pressure is on. I still don’t get this. The bench contributed during the regular season, and many thought the Mavs were the deepest team in the Association. Depth that was nowhere to be seen against GS.

It’s hard to be hopeful about any of the local teams. The Mavs still seem closest to being a power, but this embarrassment makes you question everything. The Cowboys' only good moves in the past 10 years are the new stadium and getting Parcells out of here. The Rangers are going nowhere, and look bad doing so. And with the Stars, Modano’s fiancé is a lot more interesting to watch than the game on the ice.

Well, there’s always UT football. And card tricks.

Kenny Rogers: All-American

I, along with some portion of America, watched with varying degrees of disbelief, revulsion, and admiration, as miserable human Kenny Rogers mowed down the St Louis Cardinals in a brilliant (no, really) performance in last night's World Series Game 2. Thanks to Rogers' sheer pitching genius, the Tigers won the game 3-1 and evened the series at one win apiece.

I've gone on record before with my disdain for Rogers. I think he's a jerk of the highest order, a big Southern dummy, selfish, and unreliable to his team and their fans. I take back none of this.

I will give him props for turning marginal physical talent into a long, reasonably successful major league career. This post-season aside, he's been, chronologically, young and wild, mid-30s and erratic, and veteran and reasonably crafty. He's recently had a track record of moderate success in the regular season and no opportunity in the post-season. His MO with the Rangers was to disappear when the team was poised to make a run, but, lets face it, he's hardly the only Ranger with that MO recently.

So now, here he is on the national stage, having one of the greatest post-seasons in baseball history. He'll probably get one more turn (this one's going six or seven) with the chance to cement his place in the lore of the game.

What's different? What has changed for the dude who previously made his most noise by knocking over a TV cameraman?

I think a couple of things (and please remember, I am no canny observer of baseball, nor do I keep up with the day-to-day doings of the Detroit Tigers; I'm just a casual fan):

1. He's playing for a manager who knows a thing or two about building a winning atmosphere. I think Jim Leyland knows how to minimize distractions and allow his guys to just play, whereas Buck Showalter (Rogers' most recent Rangers' manager) was quite the opposite.

2. He's got WAY more confidence in his grasp of pitching than he did during his previous swims through the post-season with the Yankees and Mets.

3. There are no expectations in Detroit. The Tigers have been so bad for so long, and the result is the fan base is shocked and blissfully amazed at where they find themselves. Throughout the year, there's been zero pressure on the team, as they have been far exceeding expectations since April.

I'm pulling for the Tigers, for a variety of reasons. Kenny Rogers is not one of them. Obviously, if the Tigers are going to win this thing, Rogers is going to be a big part of it. If miserable human Rogers getting a ring is the price to pay, I guess I'm ok with it.

Like that matters.

A couple of other World Series notes:

1. Craig Monroe is setting himself up to be the #2 hero (after Rogers) of the Series. Up until last year, he spent each spring fighting for a roster spot and usually platooning in left. Dude is on a one-year contract right now. Think the cash register is going to be ringing for him after this year?

2. Ivan Rodriguez is in his second World Series since being dumped by the Rangers. At the time, Rangers brass told us he was in physical decline, he was going to start getting hurt, he'd need to play first base, and he couldn't handle a pitching staff. As far as I can tell, in the four years since he left here, exactly none of those prediction have come to pass. Um, whoops?

Gay-Rod fails again

The surprise-a-minute Detroit Tigers eliminated the over-priced, under-achieving New York Yankees from the playoffs today, convincingly winning Game 4 of the best-of-five ALDS, 8-3. The Tigers, who seemed to be fading down the stretch, found some of their early-season fire and took care of the Yanks, winning three in a row after losing Game 1.

I have some sentiment for those wacky Tigers. Ivan Rodriguez, of course, is still a favorite around here. Craig Monroe is a Texas dude who got his start in the Rangers' system. There's not much to dislike about this team, with the notable exception of miserable human Kenny Rogers.

The Yankees, on the other hand, are an easy team to root against. The Onion once ran a fake news story along the lines of "Yankees sign every player in baseball", and it's not too far from the truth. And Alex Rodriguez, our old pal Gay-Rod, is very easy to dislike.

By all accounts, Detroit's pitching was too much for the Yankees' fearsome offense. Gay-Rod in particular had yet another failed October. After the up-and-down season he had this year, along with past playoff failures, it's going to be interesting to see what, if anything, the Yankees do with him. I can't believe anyone is going to trade for him with that ridiculous contract, even though Tom Hicks is still paying a bunch of it, but you never know.

So, now Detroit is off to the ALCS to face Oakland. I think the Tigers are a pretty cool story, so I'll be pulling for them to continue the run.

Dallas sports - mostly up, some down

The news on the Dallas sports scene is better than expected in some ways, and concerning in others. A quick rundown:

Mavs dominate

The little Mavericks got off to a dominating start against the Memphis Grizzlies (when was the last time anyone saw a grizzly bear in Memphis, or anywhere in Tennessee for that matter?) last night.

Erick Dampier showed what a difference he can make when he’s interested.

In reality, this was not the Mavericks’ best game, but they fought for it all the way through. To me, this is more encouraging than a standout Dirk or Stackhouse performance would have been.

It’s only Game 1 of the first round, and it’s only Memphis, but it was a great start.

Has any coach ever gotten more out of his team in his first full year than Avery Johnson?

Stars wet the bed

On the other side of the coin, we have Your Dallas Stars, who looked to be asleep on Saturday night against Colorado. Poor play, way too many penalties, and way way too many turnovers led to a drubbing in every sense of the word.

Turco played well enough to win, but got nothing from his teammates, with the exception of Jason Arnott and whoever he was on the ice with. Until the rest of the offense realizes the playoffs have started, I vote for double-shifting Arnott and leaving wakeup calls for Modano and Guerin (esp Guerin, who’s been hitting the snooze button since Oct).

Rangers are above .500

The whole fam got to spend a wonderful Sunday at the Temple in Arlington yesterday, in a luxury box right behind home plate no less, thanks to our friends E and J. The kids had a great time running around with their friends and eating themselves silly, Robynne got to catch up with some of the girls, and I got to see John Koronka pitch a beauty.

Koronka has turned out to be the biggest pleasant Ranger surprise in a long time. The last-minute acquisition, whom I though was bound for Frisco or OK City, has, instead, turned in three very good to outstanding performances, crowned by yesterday’s eight-inning effort. A soft-tossing lefty, Koronka read thru Kenny Rogers’ pamphlet Successful Left-Handed Pitching at the Launching Pad in Arlington and clearly took good notes. He changed speeds, kept the ball down, and worked the corners. The Devil Rays (and what a crap team they have, btw) scattered a few hits and some runs, but never mounted any sort of charge.

Ranger bats, on the other hand, were plenty busy. The kids are huge fireworks fans, and they got to see lots of them as the Rangers belted homer after homer. The bottom of the third was particularly exciting, as Tex, Nevin, and Mench all clobbered long balls. Devil Rays’ manager Joe Maddon (who?) left poor Casey Fossum (who?) out there throughout the onslaught, determined to get four innings out of him, come hell or high water. He got both.

After a TERRIBLE start, the Rangers are righting the ship. Sweeping Tampa Bay in April is not anything to get overly excited about any more than getting drilled in the first week of the season was, but it a step in the right direction.

Thank God, a decent game for the Rangers

Vicente Padilla got win #2 for both himself and the team yesterday, as the Rangers FINALLY beat the mighty Tigers (huh?) 5-3 in the final game of the season's first homestand.

Brad Wilkerson, who has been swinging (and missing) at everything, delivered one of the VERY few clutch hits produced so far by this team, a two-run double in the sixth. Kenny Rogers (jerk) hung a curve ball and Wilkerson, who's shoulder is still a BIG question mark, smote it but good.

And as for Big Dumb Kenny Rogers, he had nothing to say to the Texas media, shooing them away from his locker but speaking at length to the Tigers' beat reporters. I don't miss that miserable SOB one bit. Even if Kevin Milwood turns out to be the second coming of Chan Ho Park (God forbid), I still won't miss Kenny friggin' Rogers.

It's been as bad a start as one could imagine for the Rangers, but at least the homestand ends on a positive. The Rangers now hit the road, making their first swing through the AL West. Let's see if they can make any hay on this trip, or at least get a few clutch base hits.

Opening Day - Let's try to be realistic

The Rangers open the regular season against Boston today at 2:00 at The Temple. It's a PERFECT day in old DFW - not a cloud in the sky, temp around 70 or so, not much wind (but probably about Force 8 out from the plate), couldn't be better for the start of what MIGHT be a fun baseball season.

One must remember that last year's opening day (which I was lucky enough to attend, in a box no less) was equally glorious. And we all remember how last year worked out. I don't even remember who the Rangers played. I do, however, remember the flyover by the B-52. You don't forget a flyover by a B-52. How does something that huge fly? But I digress...

I'm going to record some thoughts for posterity. We'll look back later in the season and see if any of this matters at all.

First, the opening day line-up, which looks like this:

LF - Brad Wilkerson
SS - Michael Young
1B - Mark Texeira
DH - Phil Nevin
3B - Hank Blalock
RF - Kevin Mench
CF - Laynce Nix
C - Rod Barajas
2B - Ian Kinsler

The addition of Wilkerson ought to be a plus - the guy can work pitchers and get on base.

Young and Tex are solid, with Tex finally starting to find the groove late in spring training, after a disappointing WBC.

Nevin is what, 85 years old? If he can drive his Lark out to the on-deck circle, he should be solid enough.

Blalock will start fast, as always. Check back in Aug for a true assessment of his season.

Mench and his giant melon will be good enough. I have no big hopes for him, but he'll deliver an adequate performance for a #6.

Nix should be in the minors, recovering from his two (!) shoulder surgeries. This is troubling. I have to believe the plan WAS for Dellucci to carry some of the load here, but the pitching problems (more in a moment) forced Jon Daniels' hand. We're going to have to hold our breath on Mr. Nix.

Barajas is what he is. Solid behind the plate and solid, if unspectacular, with the bat.

Kinsler has emerged as hoped. He'll be better in the field than Soriano was (faint praise if ever I've heard it), but there will be a drop-off in offense from 2B. There should be enough from elsewhere to make up for it, but it does bear watching. I still think the subtraction of Soriano's bat will be one of the biggest negatives from the off-season.

Now, the pitching, which is what it all comes down to. The rotation shapes up like this:

Kevin Millwood
Vicente Padilla
Kam Lowe
RA Dickey
John Koronka

Millwood should be the ace we've been looking for since the dawn of history. With some real run support, which he never got in Cleveland, he ought to produce. Anything short will be a surprise. This is an upgrade over Kenny Rogers without question, and cameramen on the Ranger beat are breathing a sigh of relief.

Padilla gave me a warm fuzzy as the #3. We will have to see how he does as #2. He's taking Chris Young's spot, and it's too early to tell if that's a step up.

Kam Lowe should be a #4.

RA Dickey should be in the minors working on the knuckler. If he can master it (and it looks like he will), he can be a solid rotation guy for the Rangers for years to come. The Launching Pad is a lousy place to work out the kinks, however. I hope the Rangers can afford to be patient with him.

Koronka should be in the minors as well.

The Adam Eaton injury has well and truly screwed the Rangers' plans for the rotation. I give Jon Daniels full marks for revamping his pitching staff not once, but twice this off season. Unfortunately, the Rangers are in the same division as the Angels and As, neither of whom have anything like the heartburn the Rangers do in their starting pitching.

The bullpen probably hangs on one guy: Joaquin Benoit. If he can be a competent middle guy, the bullpen sets up nicely with Otsuka handing off to Cordero.

All told, I think we are looking at an upgrade from last year's fiasco. Eaton (hopefully) coming back in July should be a boost just when the team needs it. But, the headline says "realistic", and when you look at the AL West realistically, it's hard to see how the Rangers finish higher than third.

Well, today is the one day of the season when everyone is tied and every team has a chance. So, let's play ball!

Clemens to the Rangers?

Since the Astros have cut the Rocket loose, there's much talk of Clemens landing in Arlington. I'm not so sure this is a good thing.

Oh, the guy's still got it. No doubt.

But, he's 43 years old. He's going to cost $18 million plus. He had leg and back problems last year. He's going to go to the World Baseball Classic in March. And he's not going to decide if he's going to pitch in the regular season until January at the earliest.

What I really fear is that Big Dumb Tom is going to start to crush on Roger the way he did on Gay-Rod a few years ago, and it's going to cause the Rangers to pass on other free agents and/or trades. That would be a disaster.

If the Rangers stay (hell, get) aggressive in the player-acquisition game and can get Clemens as an added piece before or during spring training, that's great. It certainly can't hurt.

But if they put other things on hold in their pursuit of Clemens, I am going to step up the "I Hate Tom Hicks" campaign in a big way.

I'm sure he's quaking in his shoes at the very thought.

Oh, and by the way - Kenny Rogers is officially an ex-Ranger again. Hallelujah. The Tigers are expecting him to be a leader for their young club. Right. Good luck and good night, Kenny, you miserable bastard.

Kenny Rogers has worn out his welcome

And, on the flip side, Kenny Rogers says he's done as a Ranger. Thank God.

I did a complete turn around on Kenny Rogers this year, and am now ready to see his sorry ass somewhere else, pronto. This guy is the epitome of the spoiled athlete. Let me trace his tale for you quickly:

• Came up thru the Rangers organization.


• Made it to the bigs after several false starts.


• Was initially wild as hell, finally calmed down and became a decent pitcher (this took approx 8 years, btw).


• Got mad at the Rangers about money and took off for NYY.


• Found that the New York fans and media actually expected him to produce in pressure situations and collapsed like a man without a skeleton.


• Came back to the Rangers because he "wanted to be closer to family". Translation: He wanted to get back to a place that accepted losing.


• Got mad at the Rangers about money and turned down a two year deal to go free agent.


• Found that no one would pay him what he wanted and wound up in Minn with a one-year deal for FAR less than the offer he turned down in TX.


• Came back to the Rangers because he "wanted to be closer to family". Translation: He wanted to get back to a place that accepted losing.


• Got annoyed by the media because they dared to criticize him a little and took it out on Larry Rodriguez, a Channel 5 cameraman, along with his camera.


• Followed the trend of his entire career - posted some nice wins and numbers in May, then fell apart when the team was struggling to stay in contention in July.

I am so ready to see him go bye-bye, I can't stand it. I know the Rangers won't replace him, and will get worse as a result, but it doesn't matter. I have a tough time being a fan of the pro athlete to begin with. Cheering for guys like Kenny Rogers is impossible for me.