OK, I’m finally over my Maverick-induced depression. A little time, a little Prozac, and a lot of cheap wine, and I’m finally ready to address the plight of the Dallas sports fan.
First off, this generalization: Man, we take a LOT of crap.
What did we do to deserve this?
Let’s start with the lowly Rangers. A bad team with no history when they arrived in town in the early 70s (for those of you who didn’t know or had forgotten, the Rangers started life as the Washington Senators and were actually the second go-around for a franchise with that name; the first Senators are now the Twins), the Rangers have given us precious few baseball memories in their 35+ years in Arlington.
Oh, sure, we had those playoff appearances in the late 90s, but the mighty Yankees smashed the life out of the team before the fans even had a chance to get excited.
Other than that, what have we got? Nolan Ryan’s 6th and 7th no-hitters, Ryan’s 5,000th K, Kenny Rogers’ perfecto, and…
Oh, yeah. What am I thinking? We’ve also got that homer off Jose Canseco’s melon in Boston. We’ve got Frankie Francisco’s chair-toss in Oakland. We’ve got Billy Martin rants, Eddie Chiles getting mad, and Bobby V’s restaurant. We’ve got Canseco’s (him again?) pitching appearance, FAILED trades (Eaton and Otsuka for Chris Young and Adrian Gonzales? Wanna do that one over? Or, for that matter, Sundberg for Yost?), idiot free-agent moves (did someone say Pudge Rodriguez was going to break down in 2003?), and BAD BAD BAD signings (Gay-Rod, Mike Henneman, Chan friggin’ Ho friggin’ Park).
We’ve got all that, and more. What am I complaining about?
This year, our hopes are pinned on Kevin Millwood (currently on DL), Eric Gagne (just off the DL and a reclamation project of the highest order), Brandon McCarthy, Mike Young (who seems to have forgotten how to swing a bat), Mark Texeira (TRADE HIM NOW), and assorted other spares. Not to mention passed-over-many-times-in-Oakland Ron Washington, the new, chatty skip.
It’s going to be the longest of long summers. This team, to quote someone who knows a lot more about baseball than me, SUCKS.
The second most lowly team in town is the now-irrelevant Dallas Stars. It’s amazing to me that this franchise, KINGS of the town after winning the Stanley Cup in ’99 and returning to defend (unsuccessfully, but returning nonetheless) in 2000, have dropped so far off the radar. Well, that’s what three straight first-round playoff exits will do for you.
The Stars have kept a nucleus of popular, but under-achieving, players around for YEARS. Mike Modano is cute and skates well (or used to), but his intestinal fortitude is questionable. Dude is the American, ice-skating version of Dirk Nowitzki (more about that in a moment). What’s not to like about Lehtinen, Zubov, Sydor, Morrow, Ott, Robidas, and the rest? They’re all swell guys. But there isn’t a CHAMPION among them. A guy with the killer instinct of Brett Hull, Guy Carbonneau, Mike Keane, Pat Verbeek, or any of the other over-achievers from the Cup team is sorely needed at the Frisco StarsCenter.
And, please, don’t get me started on Marty “The Head Case” Turco. With his strange, cross-eyed stare, Marty is lucky he’s made millions (and will make millions more in the years to come) playing great regular-season hockey. It’s a sad state of affairs when you look back on Ed Belfour as your sanest goalie in the past 10 years.
I’m afraid the best we can hope for in the next few years out of this bunch is for Dave Tippett to regrow his truly awe-inspiring mustache. And Ralphie-n-Razor’s never-tiresome bits.
We’re only halfway home, folks. The real soul-crushing is still ahead of us.
Let’s examine our heroes, the Dallas Cowboys, shall we?
The owners of the longest playoff victory drought in town (yep, you read that right; even the ridiculous Rangers have won a playoff game more recently than the Cowboys, who last won a Wild Card game in Washington in 1996), the Cowboys are well on their way to turning into the Oakland Raiders. A once-dominant team owned by an egomaniac who was in the past a mad genius but has become increasingly erratic and eccentric, the Cowboys, like Al Davis’ Raiders, are quickly fading into NFL obscurity. As coaches come and go, QBs rotate through, each touted as the Savior, and the team grows more faceless and non-descript each year.
Forget about Aikman, Irvin, Smith, Nate Newton, Charles Haley, or Kenny Norton. All the guys with any kind of personality are long gone. Who’s the most interesting dude on this team? Easy – TO Owens, but he’s interesting in a bad way. Who else?
Romo? His girlfriend is a LOT more interesting than he is. And I’m not sold on his ability to be The Man yet, either.
Terry Glenn? The last freckled black man I wanted to listen to was Dennis Johnson, and he’s dead.
Wade Phillips? Wait. Let me cancel my Lunesta prescription.
How am I supposed to get excited about this team? Are they going to be better than last year, when they barely squeaked into the playoffs, only to lose the Wild Card game, again? Well, the Pear Shaped Football Genius is gone, so the condescension and derision (focused on the fans, not the players) ought to be toned down. However, I have no idea why this team would be any better. The draft was underwhelming, free agency was an exercise in paying way too much for very little.
Yippee.
And those little Mavericks. I had retired the “little” last year, but the performance we just witnessed can only be described as “little”. Maybe “gutless”. Or “choke of historic proportions”. Any of those, I guess.
What, in the name of God, went wrong? How does a team handle all comers 67 times in the regular season, only to lose four out of six to the #8 seed? How is this even possible?
How can Dirk Nowitzki get serious MVP consideration, then, in the space of less than two weeks, disappear completely?
How can second-year player Devin Harris be the only guy on this team not scared to go to the rack?
How can big, goofy (but sorta loveable) Don Nelson have his old team’s number so thoroughly? What did he ever do to curry favor with the basketball gods? Or has he been possessed by the ghost of Red Auerbach?
How is it possible that a team coached by Avery Johnson has one guy, one friggin’ guy, who’s still talking when it’s put-up-or-shut-up time? That guy, by the way, is Jerry Stackhouse. The rest of these very little Mavericks ran home to their mommies when it got tough. How did Avery, one of the mentally toughest players ever in the NBA, not vomit his guts out right there on the sideline?
The total give-up we witnessed in that series makes you appreciate guys like Bird, Magic, and Jordan all the more. Guys who had tons of ability, sure, but who also were CHAMPIONS, who refused to lose, who wanted the ball when it came to nut-cuttin’ time, money players, cold-blooded crunch time guys.
There aren’t many of those guys out there. I can’t think of more than a handful going right now. Tiger, of course, leads the list. After that, I guess there’s Tom Brady, Peyton Manning (MAYBE, now that he’s got the monkey off his back – we’ll see), Curt Schilling, Roger Federer, Steve Nash, Tim Duncan, and not many more, if any. Beckham in his day, perhaps. I’m reaching now.
It’s obvious the Mavericks have none of these money guys. Stackhouse has the mental make-up, but no longer has the skills. Dirk has the skills, but not the stuff between his ears or in his chest. Devin Harris may yet be one of those guys, but he’s not there yet.
Many here are saying if the Mavs had played anyone but Golden State in the first round, they would have won. That may be, but Golden State exposed this team’s mental weakness. Even if the Mavs had wiped the floor with the Clippers instead, crunch time was going to come against Utah, PHX/SA, or the East champ. It had to happen. And we now know the Mavs would not have had the stones to stand up. This team folded so badly and so quickly that I really question if they were going to beat anyone, Clippers included, this post season. I can make the argument they would not.
When you take this failure and add it to the failure in Miami last year, the finished picture is not pretty. Oh sure, the Mavs rolled through the regular season like a steamroller. Who cares? That only makes it hurt worse, makes the shock more shocking. We sure thought they were good. Were they really?
The answer to that last question is unequivocally YES. They were good. When the pressure is not on, this team rocks. The skill guys have got skill. Avery Johnson is magic on bench. But add some pressure, and the wheels go flying in all directions.
So, what do you do if you’re Mark (Please Shave That Goatee) Cuban? Blow it up? Stand pat?
I think we’re too close to blow it all up. I think you’ve got a cast with few equals assembled here. Dirk has talent coming out his ears, as do Howard, Harris, and Diop. Stackhouse is a tough guy who I want on my team. Dampier is a functional big man and teams well with Diop. Terry… well, that’s the question, or at least one of them.
Isn’t it interesting that the two best point guards going right now, Nash and Kidd, were both Mavericks once upon a time? I have no idea what to make of that, but the irony is hard to escape.
It’s just as clear that you can’t bring this bunch back intact. Many of the supporting cast turned out to be huge disappointments. Weren’t Devean George, Greg Buckner, and Austin Croshere brought here to provide experience, esp playoff experience? Then how come none of them played more than a few minutes in the Golden State series? If they can’t get on the floor when your team is getting humiliated by an 8 seed, it’s time for them to go.
Similarly, Jason Terry has disappeared too many times. When he’s on, he can be a huge difference maker. But, seriously, how hard is it to find a jump-shooting two guard with questionable heart? This team so desperately needs another guy who doesn’t wet his pants at the thought of driving to the rim, another Manu Ginobilli, a guy who can help Harris break a defense, who can drive and dish, or take it all the way himself. Where do we get one of those?
You’re as set as you can expect in the middle. You’re not going to improve on your rotation of Dampier and Diop.
Down low, you need someone who can play down low. Dirk may never excel at the low post, but he can certainly improve. Howard may do well there. But a real, big-butt power forward is a need as well.
And you need a bench that can play some when the pressure is on. I still don’t get this. The bench contributed during the regular season, and many thought the Mavs were the deepest team in the Association. Depth that was nowhere to be seen against GS.
It’s hard to be hopeful about any of the local teams. The Mavs still seem closest to being a power, but this embarrassment makes you question everything. The Cowboys' only good moves in the past 10 years are the new stadium and getting Parcells out of here. The Rangers are going nowhere, and look bad doing so. And with the Stars, Modano’s fiancé is a lot more interesting to watch than the game on the ice.
Well, there’s always UT football. And card tricks.
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